Chronically Self-Centered Spouse Series

Nope, I'm not doing this series.
Nope, Visionary Womanhood is not doing this series. But I do thank Natalie for linking to it over there a couple years back.

No, this series comes to us courtesy of Brad Hambrick who put the series on his blog.

Marriage with a Chronically Self-Centered Spouse

Near as I can tell, it is a 17 post series divided into five parts.

Have Added a New Blog to the List

Yes, I know. Not much activity here. And for good reason. Personal life is all a jumble. Maybe I'll tell you about it sometime.

But for now this blog is mostly a place I put things for safe keeping and for the benefit of others who may come this way.

Today I am adding a new blog to the blog list. It is "Visionary Womanhood" by Natalie, I was directed to her blog by Velour over at TWW through this comment: Link

I would like to highlight these two posts:

To Heal or Not To Heal a Woman's Heart

And

A Twist on the Good Samaritan

I am highlighting these two posts in particular because they expose the hypocrisy of the church concerning women. They expose how the needs of women do not concern the men in charge. Even though preachers teach on the Bible verses that would tell them to heal the wounded, somehow when it involves a woman married to an abusive man suddenly these verses fall away and the only verses the preachers care about are the submission and God hates divorce verses. These preachers lose sight of the fact that God cares for women and is concerned over their healing.

In combination with these posts I want to throw in an old one of mine.

Manipulating Scripture for Personal Benefit.

And here is a quote from it concerning God's concern for the hearts of women:

It is also about the wounded female heart that many men don't want to see and gloss over as though such a thing doesn't exist. Or if a woman's heart really is wounded, it is somehow the woman's own fault and she just needs to shape up, all the while serving the man with a sweet disposition.

Yes, I've heard messages from preachers about bitter women. I've heard the rebukes and criticisms, and blaming that these senseless preachers freely pour out on already wounded hearts. I've heard about the merciless shaming of pastor's wives who "let themselves go". What do these men know about a woman's heart? Nothing.

They know nothing because they do not care. The heart of a woman is of little value to them. They care about the outward rather than the inward. If the outward is not seemly enough, then let the ridicule fly. If the outward attitude is not sweet, then run her off and call her Jezebel since she is of no use to the man and not worth his trouble.

Thank God, He knows everything about women. Thank God, He cares deeply about every wound. Thank God, He sees past the sometimes prickly self-defenses of a wounded woman and seeks after her heart. He poured Himself out generously to heal and comfort every woman cursed and spoken against by self-righteous preachers, supposed brothers, false shepherds who attack the ewes to garner favor with the rams.

Thank you Natalie for you courage in exposing foolish men who elevate rams over ewes and themselves over everyone.

"The God of Authority Must Have Sacrifices"

The title above is a quote from a comment stream over at The Wartburg Watch.

It was said by a commenter identified as Gram3.

Then a second commenter said further.

Gram3 wrote: The god of Authority must have sacrifices.

Max continues along those lines: New Calvinist young women are lining up across America like robots to offer themselves to their god. I don’t think Paul meant that when he wrote “Offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God–this is your true and proper worship” (Rom 12:1). These poor girls cannot exercise their spiritual gifts, offering them back to the Father as a sacrifice, in a patriarchal system of belief and practice. Sad.

The comment can be found here: LINK

Why are they talking this way? You will know better if you read the article itself: Jessica Fore, a Victim of Domestic Violence, Is Indicated By the Presbyterian Church of America for Contempt Toward the Church and It's Leaders.

The situation is disgusting. The church elders have acted shamefully and continue in their pride and folly.

The Lying Pen of the Scibes: ESV

Jeremiah 8:8 How can you say, "We are wise and the law of the Lord is within us"? But behold, the Lying pen of the scribes has made it into a lie. The New Stealth Translation: ESV

Article on Cult Mind Control

I want to be able to find this later.

It is posted at Freedom of the Mind Resource Center and it concerns the BITE Model:

Steve Hassan's BITE Model of Cult Mind Control

I have a particular interest in the Emotional Control section. Seem that women are often told they are not to feel anger and men are told they are not to cry.

Grudem a Heretic?

Hey, I'm not the one who asked first.

This was in 'Christianity Today' for Pete's sake.

Complementarianism and the Trinity: Is Wayne Grudem a Dangerous Heretic?

They even add the word 'Dangerous' which I didn't include in my title.

Am I smiling over here?
You bet I am.
I am sick to death of entitled, little men in their holier-than-thou towers using God and the Bible as bashing tools to amass power and authority unto themselves.
It is long past time that they be called out by bigger and more far-reaching publications.

Thanks to The Wartburg Watch for the heads up on this article.

Is Grudem Creating a New Diety?

And can the ESV be trusted?

Wondering Eagle explores this in his post:

Wayne Grudem's Un-Orthodox View of the Trinity and Questions that Must Be Asked: Can the ESV be trusted?

Always beware of Bible translations pushed by people with agendas. Always.

Villifying Bible Women, Another Example

Some men go way out of their way and break their own rules for Bible interpretation if they can find what they are looking for to demonize women. As self-appointed judges and juries in situations they don't understand, they will find someone in antiquity that will agree with their low view a certain Bible women.

From the blog Redeeming Dinah, is the article Gothard and Williams Draw Their Cultic Hatred of Dinah from the Hebrew Midrash.

I guess KJ only guys don't mind supplementing if the supplement serves their own purposes.

Marital Coercion

The longer name for this post would be "Marital Coercion or Marital Consent?"

Often times I will use a title that is inflammatory or outrageous to make a point. This time I used one that understates. Or at least isn't inflammatory or outrageous.

The phrase "Marital Rape" really gets people's blood pumping. When the phrase it brought up it can completely shut down conversations. Not because it isn't an issue. But rather because it isn't understood. So today I'm not going to talk about "Marital Rape". Instead, we are going to talk about "Marital Coercion" which is not just some thing that is done in secret. It is something that is blatantly taught, out in the open, as an acceptable practice.

First we will look at part of a dictionary definition of 'coercion'

Coercion - The intimidation of a victim to compel the individual to do some act against his or her will by the use of psychological pressure, physical force, or threats.

Definition found here.

Now we are going to look at an old, well-documented quote from Mark Driscoll from his sermon "Sex: A Study of the Good Bits of the Song of Solomon". Okay, not a direct quote. But basically Driscoll told women in a Scottish church that Jesus commands them to orally service their husbands sexually.

Here is a link to the sermon in its entirety. Wish I could tell you at what point he utters this command from Jesus Himself so you don't have to wade through the entire stupid thing. But I don't know where it is and I don't expect you to take my word for it if you are new here.

The reason I bring this up is to point out that there are men who are not afraid to use psychological pressure, or even spiritual pressure to coerce women to comply to sexual demands. There are men, preachers and Bible teachers, who are not afraid to twist scripture in order to give men the tools they need in order to trample a woman's boundaries and rip away their voice in marriage when it comes to sex.

Fortunately, Driscoll has been called out for that wretched sermon and the things he said in it.

However, there is a CBA best seller that also promotes marital coercion. This book takes away the wife's voice and ability to give consent. Then on top of this, it gives husbands tools to guilt and manipulate a woman into having sex, not unlike Driscoll's more inflammatory methods.

This book, published by Thomas Nelson, teaches husbands how to compel  their wives to have sex using psychological and spiritual pressure, threatening them that if they don't comply they are not following God's commands for marriage.

This book is none other than "Love & Respect" by Emerson Eggcriches.

And here is a more in depth look at how Emerson builds his case for 'biblical' marital coercion.

Love, Respect, & Consent

Thanks, Nick, for dissecting this terrible book.

Edited to add two more links.

Mark Driscoll and Christian Rape Culture.

Coercive Sex in Marriage: Her Story

Dissecting "Love and Respect"

Here is the beginning of a thorough review of the book "Love and Respect".

This review is needed to stand against the off-balanced teaching of the book. It is something I have neither the time nor the patience to do so I'm glad there is someone out there who does.

Love, Respect, and Proof-Texts by Nate Sparks

Thanks, Nate, for taking on this beast.

CBMW Folks Have Lost Their Minds

It's official.
The aberrant doctrines fueling the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood have finally taken their toll on the thinkers in this movement. They have boarded the crazy train and are trying to outdo one another with testosterone tweets.
Julie Anne over at Spiritual Sounding Board is following this:

Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood 2016 Live Conference #CBMW16 Live Tweets Complementarianism Cool-Aid.

I don't know what it is going to take to get these folks to face the reality of their own insanity.

Natalie Greenfield Tells Her Story

Doug Wilson wants her to shut up. But she won't. And I thank God for that. Because men like Wilson are a blight in the Christian culture. They are the flies in the ointment.

So anyway, Natalie has blogged her story several years. Now she has had the opportunity to tell her story out loud in front of people:
My talk at the University of Idaho

Give her a listen. Find out why Doug wants her to shut up.

A Little More Fallout from Mars Hill

I guess Driscoll and Co. is getting sued for Racketeering. Crazy stuff going on.

And in looking back at the Mars Hill Madness and Peasant Princess Pandemic I'm going to link another post concerning the fallout from that lecherous loser's legacy.

This was actually written a year and a half ago but I missed it due to personal busyness. Again it is about Driscoll's sex-saturated teachings on The Songs and the damage it did to a couple and their marriage.

Mark Driscoll and Christian Rape Culture

Also, as a side note, due to the the few hits I've gotten on the Songs I'm going to link a few old posts I wrote back in the day that counteract a bit of Driscoll's devastating doctine.

*****

It's Not about You
(In which we talk about how The Songs is not just about the husband's raging needs for sex and the wife's obligation to make sure he gets unlimited amounts of it.)

First and Last Overview, SoS
(In which we talk about the progressive nature of the healing of the Beloved from the beginning of the book to the end. I imply here, but do not state outright, that the Songs are chronological in nature. This is something Driscoll denies out of hand without supporting. He has to deny it. Some of the Best Bits that he over-sexualizes and make all about his favorite sex acts... some of the Best Bits occur before the marriage chapter. But the poem is very progressive as you will see in these first and last verses we discuss here.)

Another "Suggestive" Premarital SoS Verse
(In which we talk about why the Beloved is referring to her her own breasts and needs and how Driscoll has taken that verse away from her and made it all about the husband and his needs.)

And finally:
Manipulating Scripture for Personal Benefit
(In which we talk about another verse that Driscoll takes away from the Beloved and gives to the Lover in order to put the husband's needs front and center. In the process, he ends up burying the wife's needs in the back yard so men don't have to think about that messy little detail.)

Edit, added as an after thought:
The Bedroom Police
(In which we talk about how Mark and Co. attack and accuse people who disagree claiming they are being prudes, sexually constipated, and overly restrictive in the bedroom. This accusation is a distraction and  ploy to get people's eyes off the true, self-appointed bedroom police, Mark Driscoll and all those accusing people of sin for not having enough 'god-ordained' sex.)

Another Edit, links added 3/6/16
Introducing Wanatchee the Hatchet
This is an intro to a series of guest posts by Wanatchee the Hatchet (WTH). In these guest posts WTH deconstructs Driscoll claim that the Songs can never, under any circumstances, ever be viewed as allegorical. WTH is uniquely qualified to answer Driscoll's claims as he was once a member of Driscoll's church and a respected part of the ministry.
The series has four parts that examine various aspects of Driscoll's assumptions and explains how and why Driscoll is wrong in his claim against any and all allegorical view of The Songs.
Here is a link to the series in total:
WTH on Driscoll's SOS

There is more written here, taking another view of The Songs other than Driscoll's over-saturated-with-sex version. You can get to many of them from the links above. But if there is a need, I can make a page that contains more links.

ESV Shakes a Woman's Faith in God's Goodness

I need to be able to find this article again.
It demonstrates the masculinist bias against women in translating the ESV version of the Bible.
It demonstrates how the translators of the ESV straight up twisted scripture in order to make it say what they wanted it to say rather than let it speak for itself into the lives of men and women.
It demonstrates the blatant agenda of men who want to make women a footnote or afterthought to God rather than a co-heir and strong help.

Here is the link:
Footnoted: Was the Bible Written Only for Men?

A Little Fallout from Mars Hill

During the hey days of Mars Hill, before the fall, before the accusations of plagiarism, before and during the whirlwind promotion of his Real Marriage book, I knew that his teachings were having negative impacts on women.

You could not honestly analyze his teachings and come away thinking, "This is healthy for women, men, and marriages,"

But I couldn't find women claiming or admitting that the teachings were hurting them.

Now, years later, we see them coming forward. Here is one:

Regular attender, Female

In her comments about the negative aspects of Mars Hill, this is what she said:

"The Song of Solomon and Real Marriage series nearly ruined our marriage. During SoS we were told that because we weren't having enough sex (according to the guidelines presented by Mark) and our sex life wasn't passionate and exciting enough (according to guidelines), we were in sin and not upholding biblical teachings on giving of our bodies to each other."

She said much more if you'd like to read it. Just follow the link above.

And as a bonus, here is another Female Attender, this one from Orange County who said:

"The teaching being black and white with no gray area left our marriage with what felt like no grace.  When I disagreed with Driscoll's interpretation of scripture my husband would say things like 'are you even a Christian?  You just don't agree because you don't want to follow that part of the Bible.'"

Mars Hill was bad for women. And it gave ammunition to men to control and manipulate their wives.