What Is a Girl Worth?

In our culture, very little.

But there is hope for change.

Here is a link to a book review at The Wartburg Watch by Ryan Ashton concern the book by this name by Rachel Denhollander:

What is a Girl Worth?

This is a question that deserves a much better answer than it has.

Driscoll -- Fake Best Selling Author

Driscoll bought his way onto the list. He didn't earn it. He paid for it with real money.

Unreal Sales for Driscoll's Real Marriage

Shame on you Driscoll. When you have to pay this much money to buy your way onto the New York Times best sellers list, then you are definitely NOT a New York Times best selling author.

Besides being a plagiarizer, you are also a fake.

Grudem Recants (almost) Everything He Has Ever Said About Women

Just wanted to pass this along for those who know anything about Wayne Grudem.

Grudem Recants...

Unconditional Respect?

I started writing this comment in the Practical Theology for Women thread Love and Respect but Mostly Respect but it got long. So instead, I'm going to post it here. I somewhat disagree with her and the book she's talking about "Love and Respect" by Eggrichs.

I have used unconditional respect in my work with troubled teens. In most situations it really works.

It is different than respect that you give an authority figure. But it is still unconditional.

The teens I have worked with have been terribly disrespected all their lives. They have been abused on so many levels. And they have little respect for anyone including themselves.

But they respond to me giving them basic, human-dignity respect, regardless of their behavior. They then in turn give me respect that they didn't give to the other 'staff' that is disrespectful.

All human beings respond to unconditional respect. But how do you define respect? There are levels. All women can give husbands basic, human-dignity respect. Even bad-behaving, abusive husbands.

HOWEVER.

There is a level of respect, an authority respect that is reserved for those who deserve it, who act like leaders.

In other words, sure, give husbands unconditional respect. Don't belittle, don't name call, don't roll the eyes etc... Even when they engage in behavior that deserves a huge eye roll. A woman can mostly train herself to be respectful even in difficult situations.

But respect beyond common courtesy that is reserved for those in authority, this respect can be lost. I'm not saying that when a man in authority behaves badly on occasion that all that respect should fly out the window. I'm talking about situations where the one in authority consistently engages in behavior that is demeaning, disrespectful, dangerous and/or abusive (physically, emotionally, spiritually), that man is setting himself in position to lose respect. From God, men, and women, including their own wives. And it is the man's fault for losing it not the woman's fault for withholding it.

A biblical example would be the story of Abigail and Nabal found in First Samuel 25. Nabal acted the fool and nearly got his entire household killed. Abigail did not respect him or his authority when she went to David and called her husband a fool. But Abigail is not held up as a bad wife. She is looked upon as wise, saving many lives, and David's integrity. As a result, she married a man who became a king.

So while I agree with, believe in, and have personal experience with the power of unconditional respect, I know there are limits.

IN ADDITION (another However)

Unconditional respect should not be reserved for husbands.

I know of more than one relationship where it is the man who is the disrespectful one. I know husbands who withhold basic human-dignity respect from their wives. It is the husband who name calls, demeans, and does the eye rolling over minor and even imagined infractions.

I understand that Eggrich says that both men and women need both love and respect. But there is a problem with making the lines between 'respect' and 'love' so thick and so gender specific. It gives men who have issues with respecting women a loophole or excuse. It makes disrespecting their wives easier and acceptable all the while they claim to love their wives.

So, yes. I believe in unconditional respect and unconditional love for both sexes. I also believe that over emphasizing the gender differences in needs concerning love and respect can be disastrous for marriages that suffer from disrespectful and abusive husbands. It can direct men away from meeting their wives basic human need for a little respect.

IN ADDITION (a third However)

One should probably define the word 'need' along with 'respect'.

I believe all people need basic, human-dignity respect just as they need love.

But there are men who believe they 'need' a level of respect that not only goes higher than basic, human-dignity respect. It goes beyond leadership  respect and on into worship.

There are men, and I have met them, who believe that they need 'respect' but their definition looks more like 'worship'. They not only behave badly and crave leadership respect, they abuse and demand a sort of 'worship' respect and honor from their 'underlings'. And they know that they are right and everybody who denies them this worship is wrong. And they use books like "Love and Respect" to support their position.

This is why books like "Love and Respect" that harp on "Respect" while poorly defining the limits of respect give me the heebie-jeebies. These books are gasoline to the fires of personality disorders and emotionally unbalanced people.

Basic human-dignity respect should be enough for all humans, even and especially those in leadership in the Body of Christ. Craving more than that is wrong and leads to destruction.

Resolution Writing. Persuasive but Wrong, III

Page 14 of The Resolution for Men has this paragraph.

"If your wife has been calling the shots in the family and has had her hands on the wheel, then very likely it's because you have not. Regardless of what she does, God has intentionally placed you in the driver's seat and wants you to lead. You need her deeply; but leading is your God-ordained responsibility."
(emphasis theirs)

On page 13 it says, "God's Word commands husbands and fathers to lovingly lead their homes."
(emphasis mine)

Really?
God's word commands husbands to lead their wives?

I'm amazed at how much some men assume what God has commanded, what God intended, and what God has ordained with so little biblical support. Anyone who has been around this argument has, I'm sure, heard this challenge. "Please give me chapter and verse where God commands men to lead their wives/families."

No one had been able to produce that verse. They somehow think that the words of Paul to Ephesian wives concerning submission contains that command to men. The problem is, Paul (and God) are not talking to men there. When Paul talks to men, he uses a four letter word that starts with "L". But it's not "lead". It's "love". Yet this is all it takes for them to jump to the conclusion of God's intention, what God has ordained, and what God has commanded. It is quite a leap. It is a leap these men make with great vigor and enthusiasm, as though they speak the very oracles of God.

Also, according to them, men are commanded to lead and therefore women are not to lead. They are not supposed to be calling the shots, ever. And if they are, that's because men are disobeying God's commands. This is crazy when there is plenty of evidence in the Bible of women leading and God blessing them for it. These women leaders are held up as shining examples of biblical womanhood. But groups that support male-only leadership sweep those examples of biblical womanhood under the rug. They either ignore their example or worse, undercut it and call it a curse (even though God never says this.)

You see, someone reading here might think that I'm opposed to men leading. I'm not. I'm opposed to it being an exclusively male 'gifting'. Good leadership is needed, in homes, in churches. The problem is with how you define leadership and with who is allowed to lead.

I could go on about this, and stumble about trying to make my point on what God and the Bible really teach about leadership as opposed to what The Resolution Guys (TRG) claim. But I've been busy lately and am in need of short-cuts. So I'll leave it to Wade Burleson who has done a wonderful, scholarly teaching on what Christian leadership really is. When you have 27 minutes and 45 seconds, give Pastor Wades sermon a view. You won't regret it.

Only Servants and No Masters

(I hope this video goes viral)

WTH Critiques Driscolls' Sex/Marriage Book

Actually, it's not a full critique.

As he mentioned, there have been plenty of overview critiques and much of what was said doesn't need repeating.

However, detail man that WTH is, he has stumbled upon an oversight of sorts that has been missed by some of the overview critiques. It may not seem like much. But in light of what Mars Hill wants to be, what it actually is, and what it has done in order to put forward the façade that it presently has... this sort of thing is good to be aware of for Driscoll watchers and critiquers everywhere.

Real Marriage, Chapter 7-- Grace and Disgrace

Good Catch WTH (that's short for Wenatchee The Hatchet, not WHAT THE H***!?, which is what I usually say when looking at the latest shenanigans from the Driscoll camp.)

As has been said before, The Saga Continues.

Driscoll Is Getting Desperate, part 2

He's bribing people with IPAD MINIs.

He's so deperate to get good reviews to overshadow the bad review that I linked a few posts ago that he's bribing people. For some reason that limbo chant is going through my brain. "How low can you go? How low can you go?"

WTH Discusses Driscoll Bribe

(for my first post on Driscoll being desperate back in November, check out this link)

Review on Driscoll's Book

The review is interesting.
And so are the comments:

Mark Driscoll is to biblical wisdom as Richard Simmons is to cage fighting

Another Response to a Negative Review of Rachel's Book

There are a lot of Biblical Womanhood people who have their bloomers in a twist over Rachel Held Evans book exploring the Bible and Womanhood. I mentioned one rebuttal to a negative review in a previous post. Here, my friend, Hannah is exploring and exposing the hypocrisy in another negative review.

So Why Is Mary Kassian Upset...?

Biblical Womanhood

There is lots of controversy over just exactly what Biblical Womanhood is. It seems there is no shortage of people who feel compelled to tell women what they are supposed to do and not supposed to do. And there is no shortage of people who want to tell women what they are supposed to be, what God's intention is for them and what creation order and natural order means concerning limitations and restrictions concerning women.

I have this memory of watching some informative show either on PBS or a National Geographic special or something. It was many years ago before there was satellite TV and over a hundred channels to choose from. This program was observing an African culture and in particular the marriage of a young woman. After the ceremony, the girl's uncles and other male family members were in her face lecturing her soundly concerning her duties as a woman. I couldn't understand their language, but the intensity of their speech could not be missed. I wouldn't be surprised if there was some shaming and chiding going on. The girl's head was bowed submissively and she nodded in agreement with them over whatever they were demanding of her.

The visual of that girl, head bowed, being berated by those grown and angry sounding men is the visual that I often get when I see certain preachers go on and on about "Biblical" Womanhood and how a woman is displeasing to God if she doesn't follow his interpretation of what it might be. And they all have their own version of it.

It's all so frustrating and confusing.

Now there is a lot of controversy over Rachel Held Evans's book, "A Year of Biblical Womanhood". This book is really rattling the cages of the powers that be who want to get into the faces of women and demand that they obey their version of Biblical Womanhood.

I've not read the book, nor do I plan to very soon due to time constraints. But this doesn't keep me from watching the controversy this book has stirred with a sad amusement as I remember that poor little African girl getting lectured within and inch of her life over her duty and position in the world by big, self-important men, standing over her on a mission to preserve their culture by keeping that girl in her place.

Kristen has read it and she recommends it in her thoughtful review: Book Recommendation

Also, someone new that I haven't met yet has written a rebuttal to a negative critique. He has written it in response to a supposedly kind and objective review from a "Biblical" womanhood pusher with a bee in her bonnet:
Biblical Womanhood:What Kathy Keller Missed

Let My Women Go...

Okay, this seems to be book/youtube Saturday.

Bob Edwards has written a book called (actually) "Let My People Go: A Call to End the Oppression of Women in the Church" and he is on youtube talking about his research on this topic. I did watch this since it wasn't very long. Again, leave a comment if you have one.

What Jesus Taught about Women, Book

Actually, the book is called "Ten Things Jesus Taught About Women" and I wanted to link a place where you can hear it read out loud.

Edie Hicks Reads Dr.Susan Hyatt on Youtube links

I haven't gone there yet so I have no idea if it's any good but I can imagine that it would be interesting. Anyone who wants to comment, feel free.

Strong Men, Jon Zens

Jon Zens has worked since 2001 to help women out of the sex trade and has seen the destruction that patriarchy has wrecked on the lives of women and girls in the Christianity and noted the parallels between them.

He is disturbed by the trend of Neo-Patriarchy that is laying siege against the truth of freedom in Christ. And he has raised his voice along with other men against the abuses he has seen perpetrated in the name of Jesus Christ.

Besides speaking out and having an Internet presence, Jon Zens has written a book called, "No Will of My Own (How Patriarchy Smothers Female Dignity and Personhood)".

There is an article at the link below concerning Jon Zens and his book. And linked in the article is an interview with Cindy and Jocelyn about the book on Blog Talk Radio.
http://undermuchgrace.blogspot.com/2011/05/jon-zens-talks-about-his-new-book-no.html

Thank you, Jon Zens, for being my brother and a brother to those in the sex trade and those oppressed by patriarchy in the 21st century church.

Hind's Feet on High Places

I have another book to recommend. It just sort of goes along with the heart healing message of Wild at Heart, but is geared more for women. Also, like WaH, people either loved it or hated it. So I recommend it with the warning, your milage may vary. It is fiction and allegorical and I liked it better than Pilgrim's Progress.
http://www.amazon.com/Hinds-Feet-Places-Hannah-Hurnard/dp/0842314296

Another Book

This is not a recommendation so much, but rather an explanation. I mentioned the movie, "The Thirteenth Warrior" in an earlier post. The movie was nothing spectacular or revealing to me of the Viking culture. But the book that the movie was based on revealed a lot to me. The book is by Micheal Crighton (Jurassic Park) and thoroughly researched and based on the writings of an actual person, a Muslim from Baghdad and his journeys up into northern Europe. Though some of the Viking customs were flat out revolting, especially when explained by the Arab courtier from a far more sophisticated and cushy culture, some of the thinking processes were strangely similar to the thinking processes my ancestors handed down to me. It was a very interesting look at the different cultures, Eastern Muslim verses pre-Christian Western, or should I say, Northern culture. http://www.amazon.com/Eaters-Dead-Michael-Crichton/dp/0061782637 Note: I know I promised actual scriptures concerning freedom and I haven't forgotten. It's just that this structure/chaos(or freedom) thing and cultural constructs has me thinking down many roads that all seem to meet up somehow.

Culture vs Gospel

I don't make very many book recommendations, but here is one that I read early on in my Christian walk that helped my understanding of the difference between true evangelism as opposed to Westernization. This book changed the emphasis of modern missions and helped our missionaries present a more pure gospel as opposed to trying to westernize different people groups. http://www.amazon.com/Bruchko-Bruce-Olson/dp/0884191338

The Fear of God, part 3

After the experience I had mentioned in The Fear of God, part 2, I read the book "The Hiding Place" by Corrie ten Boom. If you have never read this book and call yourself a Christian, you need to put it on your to-do list. Even if you don't call yourself a Christian or you are not a big reader, this is a must read.

In summary, Corrie and her sister Betsy hid Jews in a secret room in their home during the Nazi occupation of Holland during WWII. They ended up getting caught and put into a concentration camp. Corrie's book tells the events leading up to this and what happened after this with details I cannot get into for those who haven't yet read this book.

But there is a particular story that happened while they were imprisoned that cemented my understanding of God's judgement on abusers and oppressors.

Corrie made it out of the concentration camp alive and went back to Holland. Betsy did not. But while in the concentration camp Betsy seems to have been given a special grace to get through the experience without bitterness and to see the events that unfolded around them from a more heavenly or spiritual standpoint.

One day a female prison guard decided to show off in front of a visiting male prison guard. And she did so by beating a prisoner at the work site.
As Corrie observed this she said to Betsy, "Oh that poor woman."
Betsy agreed but said something that stunned Corrie. "Oh yes, and may God forgive her."
It took a few moments for Corrie to understand that Betsy meant the prison guard. Betsy had a grasp on the fear of God. She knew that it was better to be oppressed in this life than to be the oppressor. The oppressor is under the judgement of God in a way that the oppressed is not.

Just as I realized that the abusive man mentioned in my previous post is under judgement and to be pitied, so Betsy understood that this prison guard was under greater bondage and judgement than the prisoner she was beating.
The prison guard did not fear God. And by not fearing Him she put herself in a dangerous position not to be envied.

Oftentimes we don't take God seriously when He says that He will bring judgement on the wicked. Since we don't see it happening before our very eyes we seem to not be able to trust God to carry out His word.

Example: a cult calling bitter waters sweet

I have just finished a book called "Escape" by Carolyn Jessop.

I highly recommend it as an example of the bitter doctrines of men being held up as revelation from God.

But a word of caution. If you are coming out of a very abusive situation and are easily triggered, you may want to wait and heal a bit more before you read this book.

Carolyn grew up in the FLDS (the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), a radical offshoot of the Mormon Church. This group practices polygamy, which is the practice of men taking multiple wives.
Carolyn became the fourth wife of Merril Jessop who proved to be an abusive man.
Rather than go into the entire story, I'd recommend that you read it yourself. But I want to pull something out from my reading of it that I feel pertains to this blog.

The women in the abusive home described by Carolyn dealt with a great deal of psychological abuse from their husband either towards themselves or towards their children. They were also in a nearly daily battle with the other wives for dominance over each other. Sadly, their religion did not offer them any justice or peace. Since their husband was the "priest" of their home, the wives were ordered to support and align themselves with him no matter what. A woman was never supposed to tell her husband no, for anything, no matter how abusive or inconsiderate his demand was. If a wife struggled with any anger or resentment, she was told to "keep sweet". She was also accused of not being spiritual enough or worthy of the Kingdom of God if she admitted she struggled with any kind of bitterness.

Thankfully, Carolyn did finally escape from the situation as the title of her book suggests.
And she later met a wonderful Jewish man named Brian who treated her with respect and as an equal.
He invited her to his synagogue where she learned a little about his faith.
About this she says on page 400 of her book, "It was interesting to me, but at the moment I'm not in the market for another God."

The bitter waters poured out on her by her religion and her husband has given her an aversion to thinking about finding another religion. And after reading her book, I can't say that I blame her.
Carolyn states in her book that she suffers from PTSD from time to time from the terrible damage done to her in the past by her husband and her religion. She is still in the process of healing. And I understand that it will take time before she can again think about her Creator and her relationship with Him.

My best wishes go out to her as she continues to sort out her life. She has given hope to others involved in FLDS. She has given hope to all that read her story that they too can escape from the clutches of such a bitter religion and lifestyle. My hope for her and all others struggling in the aftermath of such devastation is that they can find TRUE sweetness rather than the ugly bitterness put forth by controlling men who lie and call it sweet.