Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Do you Believe in Dreams? part 2

I had another dream around the same time period of the White Washed Tomb dream back in the 90s.

In the dream I picked up a little plastic toy. It was from a barnyard set, kinda like those little green army men, except instead of being army green it was closer to Crayola crayon green. It was a little sheep. It stood on three of its feet while one of the front legs was lifted slightly so that the hoof didn't touch the ground.
In the dream I didn't think much about the sheep and was ready to put it down. But a voice asked me, "What is it?"
"A sheep," I said and again wanted to put it down.
But the voice persisted. "What color is it?"
"Green," I answered. I tired of with what seemed like a kindergarten lesson and the dream ended.

Later, when I thought about the dream I realized the lesson in it.
When I first gave my heart to Jesus back in the early 80s, the group that led me to the Lord was concerned about people worshiping a real Jesus and not a plastic one. In fact, a woman in that church had a dream about Jesus coming to visit a Bible Study. He went about shaking people's hands. When he came to her she saw a seam up through his face and realized that he was plastic. She then understood that the people in her dream worshiped a molded form of the Messiah rather than knowing Him personally.
Then I realized that this little barn yard sheep symbolized a plastic Christian. The voice asked about the color so that I would remember it later. Green, especially in those days, symbolized to me life and growth. But green plastic is not alive and growing. It just makes a show that it is. It pretends
Just as people make Jesus out to be what they want rather than who He is, so do people make themselves out to what they think Jesus and the Church wants them to be. And they pressure each other to fill out a mold after their own ideal. It is a false growth and a false walk. The plastic sheep stood frozen in a stance like it was about to take a step. But it wasn't going anywhere.

Eventually I understood that this dream was not just about other people. It was about me. Because of my position as pastor's wife, and my position as a woman married to a high maintenance man with undiagnosed ADHD, I was pressed into a form that looked the part but was really false. It was not true. I even had a relationship with the Lord. But because of the bitterness I hid, even from myself, part of me was playacting the happy pastor's wife instead of dealing with the real issues in my marriage.

I had my meltdown sometime after that. Actually, I've had more than one meltdown. But that's okay. I hope each meltdown melts more of the plastic parts off of me. And if I need more meltdowns to rid myself of the green plastic syndrome, I will embrace them. Going through the fire doesn't scare me as much as it used to.

2 comments:

adventuresinmercy said...

Wow.

I so relate to this.

And I've had my own little set of dreams that the Spirit has used in similar ways.

This was very good (and so are the others). Thank you for sharing.

Mara Reid said...

Someday maybe you could share your dreams here if and when you feel comfortable.
I know that when I have a dream, it is for me first. It's not a vehicle for me to start running around and preaching at others. But that doesn't mean someone else can't benefit from it somehow if they hear it.

Thanks for stopping by.