Brothers In Love

 Back in the day my mother used to belong to a sorority that was good about helping women get ahead in a man's world through scholarships and grants for a better education.

Along side this sorority was a group formed by some of their husbands call BIL, an acronym for Brothers In Love. And these fellows would get involved in projects to further this sorority's goal.

Today I read a post on Bare Marriage by Keith Gregoire concerning the accusations against his wife and company that Bare Marriage in it's various forms (Blog, Podcast, Facebook, Twitter etc.) engages in man-bashing. As always, he does an eloquent job dismantling these false accusations against Bare Marriage activity in his post Is Holding Men to a High Standard Man-Bashing?

Normally, I might just comment my appreciation for his words. But today, I felt like saying more.

Keith, his son-in-law, and the various male commenters and contributors, even some of the struggling but honest men are BILs to me. And I want to look at some scripture to talk about this.

[Disclaimer: The scripture I am pulling from is The Song of Solomon. I understand that many take this book of the Bible to be exclusively about sex between a husband and wife. While I understand that this is true about The Songs, I also believe in a more nuanced and even at times, allegorical take. And there is a long tradition of others looking at it this way. Some have gone way too far making an allegorical application ridiculous. And some have determined that it is never about sex, which I don't agree with. So those of you who can only see The Songs as sexual, this post may not be for you. But my personal testimony involves meditating on The Songs in order to get healing while still in a bad marriage.]

Songs 1:5“I am black and beautiful,

You daughters of Jerusalem,
Like the tents of Kedar,

Songs 1:6 Do not stare at me because I am [f]dark,

For the sun has tanned me.
My mother’s sons were angry with me;
They made me caretaker of the vineyards,
But I have not taken care of my own vineyard.

In verse 6, the beloved refers to her brothers as being angry with her and implies that they were oppressive towards her, holding her responsible for their vineyards, or someone's vineyard that was not her own to the neglect of her vineyard. This is what Evangelical men have done with their books, like "Love and Respect" and the "Every Man's Battle" series. These authors hold women responsible for the sins of men.

These Evangelical authors are not BILs. They are something else. Are they Angry Little Men Oppressing Sisters Totally maybe? Or ALMOST men? (I'll bet someone else could come up with a better acronym. This was the best I could do in the here and now.)

An over reaching theme in The Songs is about the Lover taking the beloved from being an oppressed daughter of a nobleman (or prince depending on translation) who wasn't even allowed to take care of her own business and setting her up as Queen and manager of her own vineyard.

Songs 8:12 My very own vineyard is [d]at my disposal;

The thousand shekels are for you, Solomon,
And two hundred are for those who take care of its fruit.”

Allegorically, in personal meditations, I have viewed the results in this verse as being made possible by the Lover of my Soul. Jesus.

But, I now consider all our BILs to be men of integrity that are working along side women to stop the oppression of women by false teachers. These false teachers are not true brothers and have worked very hard to lay up heavy burdens upon the backs of wives in marriage. And they don't feel the need to lift a finger to help. That would make them Pharisees or ALMOST men. (Really. Someone is welcome to come up with something better.)

As a closing thought, I am thinking of an old song that went around Christendom back in the day.

"They will know we are Christians by our love."

But according to the ALMOST men, the song might go, "They will know I'm a Christian husband by how much sex, and all the different kinds of sex I can get from my wife." (I'm looking at you, Driscoll, you Bible manipulator and leader of ALMOST men.)

I love and appreciate all our BILs at Bare Marriage. Thanks Keith for contributing to the blog.

Mark Driscoll Is So Disqualified

 He is disqualified on so many levels as a pastor, teacher, and preacher.

Yet people still support him and give him a platform. I  personally know people who think that Driscoll has repented because he is so good at spinning, spinning, spinning, and making a 'reality' that he likes rather than to deal with actual reality, with what really happened.

I have a tendency to focus on his terrible misuse of the Bible and especially The Songs as tools to further his fleshly agenda. He is busy at work building his personal earthly kingdom. Unfortunately his new fiefdom has little to do with God's Kingdom. I'm planning on reposting some things concerning this in the future, including a guest post by my blogging friend, Wenatchee the Hatchet on this particular topic. More on him later.

But for now it is good for me to remember that there is so much evidence in other areas that exposes Driscoll's woeful lack of character. There is much evidence on his failure to fulfill the requirements for the office of a pastor as lined out in the Pastoral Epistles.

There is a reason that I include Wenatchee The Hatchet in my reading concerning Driscoll. He actually attended Mars Hill in Seattle. Plus he has training in journalism so is good at research and delivery of facts. When he talks about Driscoll and the history of Mars Hill, I have never been sorry for it paying attention.

Recently, Wenatchee the Hatchet has brought up a great point that I want to link to. He has addressed an excerpt from a 2021 book, "Pray Like Jesus" written by Driscoll that completely reframes what happened back in Seattle. Wenatchee the Hatchet holds it up next to other evidence from that time including Driscoll's own words. It is a long read, but a good read for anyone who cares about actual reality vs Driscoll's self-serving spin.

an apparent account of Mark Driscoll's resignation from Mars Hill from the 2021 book Pray Like Jesus, juxtaposed with prior accounts and Sutton Turner's published notes from the 2014 investigation of Mark Driscoll

As an add on to this post, I'd like to direct your attention to a Julie Roys podcast: Escaping & Healing From Abusive Churches Part 2

Here she interviews a man who spent time in an abusive church in Oregon.

Part 1 is also good. But part 2 gets more into the difference between abusive leaders that are held up as 'good' pastors, teachers, or preachers verses a person with an actual pastor's heart.

Much of modern Christianity, and especially modern Evangelicalism, has lost its way. They want the shiny and charismatic men, the ones that entertain them and make them feel certain ways. They don't realize that these shiny men have shady characters and off-balanced teachings that often oppose the teachings of Jesus.

Good Old Links

 These are old links from 2012 and 2014 from a blog called Practical Theology for Women.

I greatly respect the author, a confirmed Complementarian for many reasons.

I pay attention to her words concerning Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill because she used to be a member of that church and has good insight on the situation.

In the first link from 2012, she and her husband reviewed Mark Driscoll's book "Real Marriage" and did an amazing job.

Review of Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll

The second link is from 2014 and talks about some of the damage that Mark Driscoll's teaching on sex has done to people.

The Harmful Teaching of Wives as Their Husband's Porn Stars

I'm bringing these two links forward so they can be referred to when combatting, comparing, and contrasting the new sex teaching book that Driscoll is now promoting.

Driscoll Trying to Define Reality

 Mark has two books already out that contain the word "Real". They are "Real Marriage" and "Real Faith"

He has a third one coming out on February 14 called "Real Romance".

Apparently he believes himself to be an expert on what is real as opposed to everything else. "Real Romance" is based on The Song of Songs, something that he believes he is an authority on.

But there is a huge problem with Driscoll. He is not a Bible teacher. He does not rightly divide the Word of Truth. Rather he is a brilliant propogandist who can twist the Bible into whatever shape he wants in order to make it say whatever he wants it to say.

We have seen this before with The Songs. One of his most infamous sermons was in Edinberg, Scotland where he gave a message on the "Good Bits" of The Songs. The sermon and some commentary about it is preserved here:

Reflecting on a Controversial Sermon...

Driscoll skips all the parts about the egalitarian relationship between the lover and the beloved and instead zeroes in on a few poetic things and makes great assumptions about what they mean. And then, turns those assumptions into commands for women to perform.

This is the reality that Driscoll has been trying to create. One where women are commanded to do all the sex acts, where the husband/idol has the right to demand whatever appendage or orifice he wants, and where the wife is to never tell her husband no. He has taken coercion and the obligation sex message to new abusive and oppressive lows.

He has never repented from his sin against women as described by Kyle J Howard in this YouTube video.

And I have no confidence that he will not carry this sin over into his new book promoting what he wants sex to be for himself and everyone else.

So I'm declaring here and now that Driscoll doesn't have a clue concerning real romance. Nor does he really understand The Songs. He only knows how he wants things to be. And the way he wants it is abusive and oppressive to women.

Oh, by the way, Grace Driscoll is cited as co-author of this book. But I don't take what she has to say seriously. Because as a Narcissistic Enabler, she reflects back to Mark what he wants to see. It is a survival tactic on her end. She should have dealt with Mark's sin against her and the women of their church long ago. But she hasn't and I am not waiting for her to change anytime soon. She's pretty beaten down. [See Dear Grace Driscoll, a guest post open letter from back in the day.]

So, while I don't take Grace seriously as co-author of Mark's book about the pornified way Mark wants sex to be, I do take Grace seriously as a master performer to help keep Mark's propaganda machine going.

In fact, I want to dedicate a song to her called Dance Monkey because she dances the dance Mark demands. And she is the perfect Sex Monkey for Mark's Real Porn/Fake Romance Life.

Mark really likes Sex Monkeys and thinks that all men should have their own Sex Monkey. That is what he has preached in the past. And I don't expect this new book to be any different.

Driscoll is Selling Sex Again

 yay. he's at it again. whoop, whoop.

(Huge eyerolling emoji here)

Here's a link to the story about it: Mark Driscoll Says He Wants to 'Heat Up Your Marriage"

One of the things that really helped Driscoll build his kingdom on sand in Seattle was his Peasant Princess series back in the day.

Discovering his warped and perverted view of the Songs is what put him on my radar in 2009. And not in a good way.

His series definitely put him on the map and made him a lot of money. Just like Hugh Hefner made a lot money off of Sex.

The fact the Driscoll exists is sad. What is worse is all the people who can't see through what he's doing and who support him.

People would be much better off supporting legitimate ministries that actually help people like Sheila Gregoire's Bare Marriage blog and podcast.

Edited to add The Wartburg Watch's post that includes info on Driscoll wanting to make money off sex again:

"... While Mark Driscoll Remembers that Sex Sells"