Wednesday, January 25, 2023

Brothers In Love

 Back in the day my mother used to belong to a sorority that was good about helping women get ahead in a man's world through scholarships and grants for a better education.

Along side this sorority was a group formed by some of their husbands call BIL, an acronym for Brothers In Love. And these fellows would get involved in projects to further this sorority's goal.

Today I read a post on Bare Marriage by Keith Gregoire concerning the accusations against his wife and company that Bare Marriage in it's various forms (Blog, Podcast, Facebook, Twitter etc.) engages in man-bashing. As always, he does an eloquent job dismantling these false accusations against Bare Marriage activity in his post Is Holding Men to a High Standard Man-Bashing?

Normally, I might just comment my appreciation for his words. But today, I felt like saying more.

Keith, his son-in-law, and the various male commenters and contributors, even some of the struggling but honest men are BILs to me. And I want to look at some scripture to talk about this.

[Disclaimer: The scripture I am pulling from is The Song of Solomon. I understand that many take this book of the Bible to be exclusively about sex between a husband and wife. While I understand that this is true about The Songs, I also believe in a more nuanced and even at times, allegorical take. And there is a long tradition of others looking at it this way. Some have gone way too far making an allegorical application ridiculous. And some have determined that it is never about sex, which I don't agree with. So those of you who can only see The Songs as sexual, this post may not be for you. But my personal testimony involves meditating on The Songs in order to get healing while still in a bad marriage.]

Songs 1:5“I am black and beautiful,

You daughters of Jerusalem,
Like the tents of Kedar,

Songs 1:6 Do not stare at me because I am [f]dark,

For the sun has tanned me.
My mother’s sons were angry with me;
They made me caretaker of the vineyards,
But I have not taken care of my own vineyard.


In verse 6, the beloved refers to her brothers as being angry with her and implies that they were oppressive towards her, holding her responsible for their vineyards, or someone's vineyard that was not her own to the neglect of her vineyard. This is what Evangelical men have done with their books, like "Love and Respect" and the "Every Man's Battle" series. These authors hold women responsible for the sins of men.

These Evangelical authors are not BILs. They are something else. Are they Angry Little Men Oppressing Sisters Totally maybe? Or ALMOST men? (I'll bet someone else could come up with a better acronym. This was the best I could do in the here and now.)

An over reaching theme in The Songs is about the Lover taking the beloved from being an oppressed daughter of a nobleman (or prince depending on translation) who wasn't even allowed to take care of her own business and setting her up as Queen and manager of her own vineyard.

Songs 8:12 My very own vineyard is [d]at my disposal;

The thousand shekels are for you, Solomon,
And two hundred are for those who take care of its fruit.”

Allegorically, in personal meditations, I have viewed the results in this verse as being made possible by the Lover of my Soul. Jesus.

But, I now consider all our BILs to be men of integrity that are working along side women to stop the oppression of women by false teachers. These false teachers are not true brothers and have worked very hard to lay up heavy burdens upon the backs of wives in marriage. And they don't feel the need to lift a finger to help. That would make them Pharisees or ALMOST men. (Really. Someone is welcome to come up with something better.)

As a closing thought, I am thinking of an old song that went around Christendom back in the day.

"They will know we are Christians by our love."

But according to the ALMOST men, the song might go, "They will know I'm a Christian husband by how much sex, and all the different kinds of sex I can get from my wife." (I'm looking at you, Driscoll, you Bible manipulator and leader of ALMOST men.)

I love and appreciate all our BILs at Bare Marriage. Thanks Keith for contributing to the blog.

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