Monday, December 6, 2010

The Wounded Healer

I wanted to get to this post a long time ago. But before I did, I felt the need to lay some groundwork in my previous three posts.
Matthew 18:7 Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks; for it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes.

I wanted to get to the point, "Stumbling blocks come." But I wanted to make sure that I made it clear that this does not give any of us an excuse to overlook our duties as parents because "woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes."

I do not take this admonition lightly. I keep in tune with my children and try to make sure that if I inadvertently offend them through either action or lack of action that we can deal with it.

Still. This world is not perfect. Stumbling blocks come. Even well-meaning parents with the best intentions can inadvertently wound their children through misunderstanding or because someone else has misguided them in the ways of truth.

And so the child is wounded.
Bless the child who turns to God, to Jesus the Healer of souls.
And bless the child who travels the road of healing holding the hand of her Savior.

Let us return to Herbert Gravitz book that I mentioned in the November 14th post, "The Hero's Journey."

Gravitz on page107:

"The motif of the 'wounded healer' is universal and appears in every culture. Recovering alcoholics and other addicts serve as wounded healers, calling others to a life of serenity. Those who face illness, catastrophe, and even death often report that the experience gave them renewed meaning and purpose."

When the wounded child grows up and receives healing from the Lord, she is able to turn and heal others. Because of her wounding and the healing that follows she can become a healer, a wounded healer.
I believe in children facing their heartaches head on and dealing with it rather than burying it. Burying it only causes the wound to fester and become putrid.

Woe to those who stand in the way of healing and woe to those who want to shame the child into keeping quiet and not facing her dragons. They don't know what they are doing. They don't understand how they heap insult on top of injury and the danger of sealing the lid shut on a pressure cooker that is ready to blow.

Here is a tragic example of an offended little one all grown up who never found the road to healing.

Word of advice to Patriarchy and Quiverfull.
Let the children heal. Don't stand in their way.
And further yet, start to face up to the fact that Patriarchy may, in fact, be wounding and offending your little ones.

And dare I suggest?
Those still involved in Patriarchy and Quiverfull, consider leaving this hurtful movement and become agents of healing, that is, part of the solution rather than part of the problem.


thatmom said...

Such words of wisdom,Mara! Praying today that many will head the admonition you so graciously give.

Hannah said...

I read that article as well. Ick. It does show you how 'silence' towards wounds can effect people.

One of the first reactions you get from defensive people is, "So anyone that is wounded is going to go out and shoot someone?"

I have to wonder if they realize that most of the world looks at them as if, "Do we need to truly reason with wall? I mean that is who we are talking to!"

The way they deal with pain and wounding is awful, and their reaction to this being pointed out? That tends to be just as bad.


Mara Reid said...

Yeah, Hannah, I know what you mean concerning the reactions.

The other reaction I anticipate is, "That guy who beat up the priest was sexually molested. Are you saying that all the daughters of patriarchy are... or that what happened to these girls in the way of a little bit of neglect can be comparable?"

To which I respond.
Who can measure abuse? Though many of us make comparisons, who can really rate them from bad to the worst?

Emotional neglect and abuse is still just that.

I don't expect any of the fleeing quivering daughters to go beat anyone up. Not one of them.

But this isn't to say that a few aren't beating themselves up everyday for not measuring up, or a few have bitterness they can't shake because they have been forced to stuff it for so long they don't know what else to do.

My point is to encourage the wounded to open up and seek the healing, even if it means dealing with some ugly emotions and festering wounds they'd rather ignore.
My other point is that, anyone that wants to prevent the children from dealing with it, they are really fighting against God.

Because Jesus said, let the children come to me and hinder them not. He also said that healing is the children's Bread.

I wish that Lynch, who beat up the priest, could have found the children's Bread.

Mara Reid said...

Thanks for stopping by, thatmom.
Your words are encouraging.

shadowspring said...

In his book Man's Search for Meaning, psychologist Viktor Frankl compares human suffering to a gas. It expands to fill the whole of the heart. One person may seem to suffer "worst"- sexual abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse- while another may seem to suffer "less"- emotional abuse, verbal abuse- but both people experience a suffering with the same intensity. There is, therefore, no cause to categorize suffering as "less than" or "more than"- suffering is painful. All suffering is equally painful to the heart that experiences it.

I thought this was a great analogy and helped me to be a more compassionate person.

Sisterlisa said...

People coming out from under abuse, do not feel safe doing so. They live in fear of speaking up. People misuse the 'honor thy parents' verse. But..if the parent has been abusing (whether on purpose or through misunderstanding scripture) they have already dishonored themselves and the children, not to mention God. Let us be mindful that these children are not 'ours', they belong to God first.

Mara Reid said...

Shadow and Sisterlisa,
Good points, both.

There's a lot I don't know about abuse and therefore have a lot to learn. The gas thing was a good analogy.

Sisterlisa, I always try to keep in mind that my children belong to God, not me.
Therefore I must be a good steward of them because I will be called into account. (And again, I thank God for being merciful to me, an imperfect parent.)

Eleanor said...

I just wish the idea of the Wounded Healer was more widely known and understood - because it has such far reaching significance for our whole society and our world. So much bad behaviour comes from earlier wounds that were not healed,and it is not so easy to become a true Wounded Healer either - there are many stages along the path to becoming a true Wounded Healer and that can be harmful in themselves. and yes of course Jesus Christ is the best known Wounded Healer of them all.

Mara Reid said...

Absolutely, Eleanor.

And hopefully my few posts on the subject hasn't come across as oversimplifing it.

The wounded healer state doesn't happen overnight.
It is a journey, often taking years.

Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back.

Sometimes it's one step forward and two steps back and you truly do lose ground and fear to face it again.

But it's ground you need to lose in order to gain better ground.

Clear as mud?

That's why it's often called the hero's journey first before it can begin to be called the path of the wounded healer.

The word hero is to give a wounded person faith to complete the journey, an often perilous journey.

Then eventually the term "wounded healer" can be applied in good faith.

Eleanor said...

Thanks for that - I really like the idea of the Hero's Journey - better name in many respects.

JaneDoeThreads said...

I say Bravo to the man who beat the child raping whore priest, and Why not More? Sorry, but the whole wounded healer is just another patriarchal 'please keep tolerating our slavery, rape, abuse while we Then make profit off of 'healing' you bunk b.s. LIE'.

It's the wounding/raping then the whole savior coming to one day deal with the evil monster who of course, did it for our 'own good' and then the evil monster grows and grows [while taking your gold/killing your women and enslaving creating mass poverty through forced subjugation/rape of women and building his Papacy 'god' temple] and of course protecting and forgiving those poor poor Brethren who just, couldn't help themselves and their sexual 'urges' to rape and molest virgins and children and girl brides...

it's all crap. Marx was absolutely right, it's one sick opiate...2010, and we have a mass market of Wounded Healers, yet a surge rise in pedophilia, child marriage-rape religions growing and being embraced, and churches making mega profits with their Venus-Psyche Illuminati industrial psuedo science trash

healing those poor, poor victims...

to Hell with wounded healers, it's time to work on ENDING AND PREVENTION, THE ABUSE,



JaneDoeThreads said...

seriously, Think about it,

I rape you, or watch you be raped [the perfect porn fantasy--which is all patri gods are] and then, I then rescue you/heal you, and you worship me...

Would we take this from a husband? Then why, is it, that we still hang onto this sick crap? And it IS sick...and we Wonder, why Religion, is the most abusive, misogynist, sexually abusive belief system on our planet?

It doesn't take a genius to figure it out--what it Does take, is taking off, the rose colored love our slave raping master glasses


and seeing it, for what it truly is.



Gem said...

A good word, Mara. Moving beyond "wounded people wound people". . .

And there are some who have an extra measure of mercy (gift of mercy? Rom 12:6-8) to be able to hear the (sometimes harsh) venting of the wounded ones with patience. You, Mara.

Lewis said...

Absolutely beautiful, Mara. My favorite piece among all the great pieces you've ever written.

Mara Reid said...

I hope you understand that while the wounded heal, and they must heal, this is no excuse to allow the wounding to continue by false doctrines like Patriarchy.
That's why I posted the three before this and said what I said at the beginning of this post. Woe to those who create stumbling blocks. Woe means woe. These people are in it deep.

I view it as a two pronged approach. Heal the wounded with one hand and fight false doctrine with the other.

Even fighting the false doctrine, I look at as two pronged.

Some are called to face the leaders of it head on and bring the abusers to justice.
Others are called to point out the error of the doctrine to the those caught up in the lies. And when I say error, I mean, point out the fact that the doctrine has nothing to do with Jesus and God. The error is man-made and man-promoted and evil.

I don't say bravo to the guy that beat up the priest, but I have a lot of understanding towards him. I also hold it up and push it into the faces of people who want to bury this stuff and say to those ignorant fools, "It won't stay buried. You will reap what you sow. Your only escape is to repent and embrace true Christianity. Because what you promote ain't it. It sows destruction in the lives of others and is going to bite you on the hiney... hard. If not in this life, then the next one."

Because, Jane. You see. My God is merciful. But He is also just and WILL call into account the sins of men.

I want the wounded to get healed for their own sakes, not the sakes of their abusers. I want the wounded to be free and the abusers to stop abusing.

The abusers that don't stop abusing?
Their fate is sealed.
There is no escape for them.
There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Eleanor said...

It seems so very sad to me that the real Wounded Healer is picking up such a bad name and is so misunderstood.

Mara Reid said...

Eleanor, it is the same with true Christianity.

The Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence and the violent take it by force.

Neo-patriarchy is infiltrating American Christianity. It does violence to the Scriptures and replaces sweet waters with the bitter doctrines of men.

But God's true worshipers will worship Him in Spirit and Truth.

My friend Jane, I am sure, has had the wounded healer thing shoved in her face as a placebo or psuedo-quick-fix rather than for what it is.
Those who presented it to her probably just wanted to shut her up, put her back in her "place", and prevent her from pursuing her heart's calling, relief work and exposing the sins of men that hide under the banner of religion, Christian or otherwise.

I appreciate her warning against the use of the Wounded Healer to such deceitful ends and want to make sure people know that this is not what I'm talking about.

I've looked up the book you mentioned in your blog but my research got cut short and plan on looking it over some more.

I still have a lot to learn.

Eleanor said...

Mara thank you very much for clarifying that. It seems I have a lot to learn as well! Take care - enjoy the research.