Let Women Tell Their Stories part 2

 I thought about going in and editing last week's post to add this little snippet. But I didn't want to make that post any longer than it already was.

Also. Just writing that much out last week has opened a floodgate of more ways the ex expected me to hold things together to make him look good without him having to lift a finger. Since I can't afford therapy right now, perhaps I can offload some of the damage he did to me here and work through the different ways he used me.

The one I want to address today is not really about me, so much, but rather illustrates how the ex sought and found another woman to use to hold things together.

Anyway, if you read part 1 of this series, you would have found out about the girlfriend that the ex asked me to leave because of. Well, the following year the ex hosted Christmas for our grown children with the help of his girlfriend. My children were still mad at him and her and decided that they weren't going to even acknowledge her existence at the house I used to share with my ex.

But I did something right in raising my daughter. She saw the girlfriend hiding in the kitchen doing the dishes. And she saw that she was being used by the ex just like I was. So she went in and made conversation with her out of empathy. 

I had made peace a long time ago concerning whatever females my ex decided to carry on with. They didn't know what he was or what they were getting themselves into. Initially, he can present pretty well. And they probably believed his lies that I was an awful person. 

Needless to say, the ex's relationship with that girlfriend didn't last long. And he has had many other girlfriends since then, including a long distance relationship with a female from Russia.

He still truly believes that his "soulmate" is out there somewhere waiting for him.

I saw the following quote on the internet somewhere. It said:

"I'm not sure what a soulmate is. But I'm pretty sure that it isn't someone who sucks your soul right out of you."

And I have to agree. The ex says and truly believes he is searching for a soulmate. But what he's really looking for is a mother/workhorse/savior/porn star. That's what he thinks a soulmate is.

"Let Women Tell Their Stories" And Col. 1:17

 The title of the post is a quote from Ngina's blog post "Do Pastors Ask Women To Be Saviors and Mothers of Their Husbands?"

Originally she posted on Instagram: "Culture and Christianity often ask women to be moms and saviors of their husbands." She said this amidst a few other things.

A man responded and said "“Nowhere in Christianity are women taught to be saviors or mothers to their husband. Secondly, dysfunctional behaviors is a human problem, not a gender problem. Both men and women bring dysfunctional traits to a marriage.”"

The above linked post is in response to his comment on Instagram. She says a lot of good things in that post and I encourage you to read the entire thing. But her main point is that women are called upon by society and the church to continually go the extra mile without rest while giving the man a pass to be a big, self-centered baby. Not her words. Just my paraphrase.

So, anyway, I am now going to tell a very abbreviated version of my story. I'm leaving out a lot of details, so if something doesn't make sense, ask. I can elaborate.

I divorced the man-child back in February of 2021. We had both agreed that the marriage was unsustainable. But we had also agreed that, just like I was with him through the deaths of his parents, we would hold off on the divorce until I got my mother situated in a way where she didn't need as much care from me. He couldn't hold out. He asked me to leave because he had a girlfriend he wanted to go public with in the small town where we lived (he had been unfaithful with many different women for years,) They felt they couldn't go public as long as I was still hanging around. The girlfriend had a reputable business in town and didn't want to be considered a home wrecker. If I could have spoken to her, I would have assured her that the man-child aka "Captain Chaos" wrecked our home years ago.

Anyway, I digress. I finally was able to get my mother moved to an assisted living and that very week, I found an apartment and moved out. Suddenly, my life became a whole lot easier. The ex was a walking mess maker. When he cooked, he usually dirtied every dish in the house. If I cleared a flat surface like a counter or table top, he would clutter it up again instantaneously when he was home. If he was at work or sleeping, I could enjoy that clear space until he got home or woke up. He was always wanting to do things then left the clean up for me. Like camping. He dumped everything on the living room floor when we got back and never touched it again. He would want to do an Octoberfest on some land we own. But once the partying was done, he didn't lift a finger to clean up, letting trash blow around all winter if I didn't go do something about it.

If I ever complained about the messes he made he would accuse me of "raining on his parade." My only response was, "Well at least you get a parade because I sure don't." But I wish I had a response that I heard later from a friend who was in a similar situation. She said that in her previous marriage, she felt like the person who followed the parade with a pooper scooper to clean up all the trash and horse crap.

Anyway, recently it got back to me the my ex was claiming that our divorce was traumatic for him. I was incredulous. He was the one who told me to move out. He was the one who was chronically unfaithful. So how did this divorce traumatize him?

But then I realized, I was no longer there to clean up after him and the house he lives in is in terrible shape. I held everything together when I lived there. When I left, it fell apart. Completely

So here is how he demanded that I be his savior/servant/mother. This verse speaks of Jesus Christ.

Colossians 1:17 He [b]is before all things, and in Him all things [c]hold together.

The ex was the first part of the verse. He made sure he was the most important person in all things. But the second part of the verse was all me. I held everything together. When I left, it fell apart and he had to live with the consequences of his entitled, self-centered, inconsiderate mess making. And he found it to be traumatizing.

What the heck did he think living with him was like for me? He never thought twice about what he was doing to me. It was all about him. And the church agreed with him. They said over and over again that if I just submitted enough and respected him enough, that would save the marriage.

Because for a long time, that is all the church cared about. Saving marriages. If it was destroying someone in the marriage, that didn't matter a hill of beans. Glad this is starting to change. But it's taking way too long. And it's way too late for me.

No Quarter November Numbskull

 Stupid title. I know. But I'll get to the reason for it later.

The main reason for this post is to link a secular article about Wilson's No Quarter November Fiasco.

That Moscow Mood: How much culture war is too much, for American Evangelicals?

Linking the above because I found that it summarized the crazy events on Twitter/X that dogged Wilson's No Quarter November antics this year.

WenatcheTheHatchet was the first to draw my attention to the fact that Driscoll was influenced by Doug Wilson early on. And I can really see that. If I knew where to find that post, I'd link it. May go back and do this eventually.

Anyway, why did I use the term "Numbskull" to describe Wilson? Because it starts with an "N" like No and November. Numbskull means stupid or foolish person. Wilson is not stupid. He is very intelligent. However, Wilson is not wise. He is quite foolish, and not in a good way. He is foolish in his words and thoughts and in the way he causes "The Little Ones to Stumble". He is foolish because he is oblivious to the millstone that he has been attaching to his own neck over that last few decades of his life.

It is true that I am angry with him for his abuses and for covering up the abuses of other privileged white men. But more than that, I pity him for his foolishness and misunderstanding of the heart of God for His children.

The Downward Spiral to a Wife Spanking Cult

 There's a lot going on in the Twitterverse, or X.

Doug Wilson is in a negative spotlight, again. No surprise.

But, anyway as I'm watching this unfold, I came across a link to these two Podcasts from a woman who escaped from a wife spanking/domestic discipline cult. I am listening to Part 1.

Shiny Happy Wife: Tia Levings on Christian Fundamentalism (Part 1)

Shiny Happy Wife: Tia Levings on Christian Fundamentalism (Part 2)

I'm leaving this here so I can refer back to these.

Also, this Podcast channel has a lot of other cool things to look at and I'll be able to get back there through this post.

A Little Bit Culty.

I hope Doug Wilson is exposed for what he is. He's awful and Evangelicals need to stop taking him seriously.

Abusers Are Going to Abuse

 Narcissist are going to love bomb to build their kingdoms then devalue and discard the people they have used when their usefulness is deemed over.

Mark Driscoll is a Narcissist, a User, and Abuser. And he's not going to stop. He's just going to make a safe place for himself so that he can continue to build his kingdom and stoke his ego.

Mark Driscoll's Safe Space: How the Embattled Pastor Built a New Church and Became an Online Influencer

I don't want to wish him ill. I just want him to stop using and hurting people. Is that asking for too much?

There are too many narcissistic pastors in places of influence and Driscoll is one of the worst.

I found out from reading the article linked above that there is a closed forum where Driscoll's victims from both Mars Hill in Seattle and Trinity in Scottsdale meet, share their stories and support one another.

From the linked article:

"Former members of both churches have formed a private online forum to share their stories and support one another. They gather and discuss regularly on a locked Facebook group called “The Sound and Valley Connect,” named after the Puget Sound area that was home to Mars Hill and the Trinity’s location in the Arizona valley."

This is Mark Driscoll's legacy. These are the multitude of sacrifices that have been made and continue to be made on the altar of Driscoll's massive ego.

I've said it before many times. And will continue to say it for as long as it takes.

This man is NOT a pastor. This man is NOT a Bible teacher. He plays at teaching the Bible with great, fleshly charisma and pizzazz. But whatever he "teaches", it must prop up HIS massive ego.

No, Driscoll doesn't teach God's Word. He uses the Bible as a sock puppet that always agrees with him.

Driscoll's Delusional. Thinks He's Elijah

 I wanted to title this post, "Driscoll is selling War again" as a sort of part two or companion post to my 
"Driscoll is selling Sex again" post. But it just wasn't as explosive sounding as, "Driscoll is Delusional."

Because Driscoll works so hard to be so explosive, controversial, and cutting edge, I went for the more bombastic title in honor of the bombastic and attention-seeking drama queen who is the subject of this post.

First off, I guess selling sex didn't work out for Driscoll as well as he had hoped. Book sales for his "Real Romance" book must not be anywhere near what his old "Peasant Princess" series was back in the good old days of Mars Hill. If they were, then perhaps Driscoll wouldn't be so quick to try to sell war. He might not have jumped into trying to be a god of war, declaring himself to be Elijah, and saying he's a weapon if his "Real Romance" had done better in book sales. And his Real Romance book might have done better if Driscoll actually knew what 'real' meant. (No Driscoll, your thoughts and opinions are not real while everyone who disagrees with you is fake. You are not the standard for reality. You are so delusional that it is getting comical. Yes, I said it. You are becoming a big joke.)

How I wish that Driscoll could have a real encounter with Elijah and find out how far out of touch he is with reality and how far out of touch with the Bible he is. He might find that he has more in common with the prophets of Baal than he'd like. He might find out that he has more in common with the controlling spirit in Jezebel than with the Holy Ghost working through Elijah.

Poor delusional man. And poor deceived, delusional people who are following him off the rails of the crazy train.

Maybe he'll make a few bucks selling his shtick. Maybe not.

Deconstructing from the Sin of Patriarchy

 The title above is a shortened version of what I wanted to have.

I wanted the title to be more along the lines of this. "The Evangelical Church needs to deconstruct itself away from its sin of Patriarchy before it completely dies. Because the Evangelical leaders have already made themselves quite irrelevant by clinging to this idol that they worship in vain."

Someone: "That's a bold move, Cotton, calling patriarchy a sin."

Me: "It's not nearly as bold now as it used to be. Now Evangelical Patriarchy is being exposed on many fronts for the sham it is and how it has lied to everyone including itself."

I've been deconstructing from the Evangelical's claim that Patriarchy is biblical for years and will link two posts about the two main lies (of many) that it has told it's women.

Lie number one id from June 2011: "I Heard It Said Once"

Lie number two is from September 2015: "The Patriarchs' Second Lie to Women"

Those familiar with my blog and the above two links won't need to follow them.

But I've said all of this to lead up to a way more important link. It is a discussion of how patriarchy works and how it truly hates women. The treatment of Beth Moore is used as evidence for the rotten fruit of patriarchy.

"Misogyny, the SBC, and Beth Moore"

Along with this link, I'll make another link to my friend, Cindy Kunsman. She will continue her exposure of a Bruce Ware's message eventually. But for now, she is enjoying a much needed respite as she meditates on how the leaders of the toxic patriarchy movement are passing away.

A Pause for Respite and Recollection

She was one who paid dearly for speaking out against men like Ware back in the day. Now, others are taking on the fight. But there are more of them and there is more support for them. Though people like Sheila Gregoire have also suffered, she has more support and there is more momentum carrying her and her message beyond some isolated area of the internet.

Patriarchy, your mountain top alter will soon be made low. And the women and children you thrusted down into the valley of abuse shall be raised up.

The Connection Between Shiny Happy People (SHP) and CBMW, Danvers, and the SBC

 I am so excited that my long time blogging friend is starting a new series on her blog.

She is like me, She used to blog like gangbusters back in the day. But more recently her posts have been few and far between.

As I mentioned in my previous post, I was not triggered by SHP like a lot of my internet friends. I was never really influenced by Gothard or the IBLP. I was more involved with raising the alarm concerning Mark Driscoll, John Piper, Bruce Ware, Paige Patterson and the like who were pushing such horrible and misogynistic doctrine and causing such doctrine to become more mainstream.

And in those days, I was so glad that I had friends like Cindy Kunsman showing the links between Gothard/Quiverfull and CBMW, the Southern Baptists, and other things that were making me mad.

Anyway, SHP has affected Cindy deeply which she talks about here:

Concerning Shiny Happy People Two Weeks Later

She is now processing through the triggers, emotions and the deep personal cost she experienced for speaking out against Bruce Ware and Russel Moore. SHP has shown a bit of a spotlight on these terrible doctrines that are troubling the church and she, like so many of us, doesn't want the church to think it was just limited to Gothard and the IBLP

Following Bruce Ware's Primrose Path to Domestic Violence (Part 1: Ideas that fed those Shiny Happy People)

Cindy is good at what she does. Please go read what she had to say.

Shiny Happy People Aftercare Resources

 Yes, I watched it.

No, it was not triggering to me. I managed to avoid most of the crap that came from Gothard and the IBLP/ATI propaganda. I put them in the category of Doug Wilson, so far over the cuckoo's edge, I just couldn't get bogged down in their B.S.

Also, I never watched the Duggars on TV. Couldn't stand the idea of it. Plus, I was also more laser focused on Driscoll*, Piper, TGC, and others like that at the time who were also troubling the Church with their aberrant doctrine and teaching points.

But, I know that there are many, many people who have been or are going to be severely triggered by Amazon's number one tv show. So for them, I'll link a resource page:

Aftercare resources

*For those who come here for Driscoll stuff, I've been meaning to get to this. I even started a post about it but could never get back to finish it. So I'm going to just link these two things here. Do with them as you like.

Wenatchee the Hatchet has an interesting look at a recent Tweet from Driscoll comparing menopause to demonic possession. 

Which isn't strange since Driscoll links women pretty close to Satan. He has many examples like what Wenatchee lists in his post linked above.

Also, here is a quote from another source where Driscoll calls women who don't fit into his doctrine on womanhood Satan. It is under the subheading Family Division.

You could call these last two links off-topic, if you like. But I don't think so. It all stems from the same issue of celebrity preachers building up kingdoms for themselves and using God's name in vain to do so. These cult leaders are very controlling, ,manipulative, and often hate women.

Edited to add Recovering Grace's page on the topic of Shiny Happy People.

Seen "Shiny Happy People"?

Hopefully more people will find healing.

Final Word on Josh Butler's Beautiful Union Debacle

 Well, actually, there will never be a final word because Josh Butler is doubling down and determined to FORCE people to accept and understand his idiocracy.

But, I have really enjoyed the Substack series by Laura Robinson on the matter. Here is the latest from her series, words after her brilliant conclusion:

What If It's Just Bad? Beautiful Union Part Forever, It Will Never Stop

This is something I will probably refer back to because Reformer men don't understand what they have done to themselves and the church by sidelining women, insulting them, and never being willing to hear their voices if their voices are not fawning over how brilliant Reformer men are.

The ESV Is Not a Good Translation

 I've said it here before. I'll say it again. The ESV translation of the Bible is dishonest and it has an agenda that opposes the work of God.

It was made to support Complementarianism and Patriarchy. It was made to take away power from women in the Church and give it to men alone.

Here is a YouTube video going into it further:

3 Problems with the ESV

Edited to add:

Why I'm Not Using the ESV Anymore (The Good, The Sketchy, and the Gnarly)

Pearls Before Swine

 The author of this bit below posted it on Facebook and said to feel free to share. I'm not sure this is what she means. But I'm going to share it here for now and give her the proper credit. If she asks me to take it down, I will. Sharing because I so relate. Sharing because I feel that this is similar to my "The Parable of the Talents Revisited" post from earlier this month. (The link on her name goes to her Facebook page.)

*****

"Clutching Her Pearls: The painful preservation of God's good gifts" by Rebecca Congleton

“Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Matthew 7:6

Torn to pieces. It may sound marginally melodramatic, but that metaphor, used by Jesus to illustrate the immense cost of offering what is most valuable to those who are unable to appreciate its importance, so poignantly describes the deep and dangerous wound, too often left in the hearts of Christian women. Those who passionately and courageously pursue a calling or openly pour out their gifts in a culture or environment where those callings and gifts are perceived as either less-than the ones proffered by men, or inappropriately sought by a woman, are very likely to have their souls trampled and their worth torn apart.

I was 28 years old, when I found myself co-leading worship with my new husband at a storefront church of fewer than 30 people in a small Indiana town. Joe was (and is) my second husband. My first marriage had ended after years of physical and sexual abuse, which culminated in my ex-husband’s arrest for stalking, voyeurism, and residential entry; crimes which were carried out against our young neighbor. It was only after his arrest that I felt the freedom to file for divorce. Though I had disclosed many incidents of abuse to my former pastor and his wife, I had always been encouraged to stay, pray, and submit.

A year later, having been liberated from constant peril and violence, rebuilding my life, recovering from trauma, safe and so very happy in my union with Joe, and leading worship in a new fellowship, I felt the healing winds of the unwavering love of Christ blowing powerfully through my heart, disturbing the well-anchored roots of shame and fear.

I felt like Mary, pouring out her priceless bottle of perfume. I had held onto my gift, my voice, my song, for so many years, knowing Christ had placed it in me for the purpose of worship, but always questioning how I could ever stand on a platform and fearlessly lift my voice, when I felt worthless, when my own husband could not love or care for me?

On the other side of that dark season, I finally felt free. I finally felt whole. It was time to step into my calling. The pastor who planted our brand new church, which was affiliated with a well-known global association of churches, recognized that calling and wanted to nurture it, and nurture it he did, until a devastating cancer diagnosis forced him to suddenly step aside. A week later, we welcomed a new pastor, and soon thereafter, I was informed, following a meeting between the new pastor and my husband—which I wasn’t invited to attend—I would no longer be on the worship team.

The reason provided to me for this change in leadership was vague and not related to my gender, but I knew immediately that was the heart of it, and I felt utterly destroyed, “torn apart”. I wept. I wept harder than the first time my ex-husband had sexually assaulted me. I wept from a different place. I wept from the very center of my being, the place where my devotion, my intimacy with Christ lives and grows. I wept as I felt those roots of shame and worthlessness begin to form once again. I had poured out my perfume. I had brought my precious pearls, so painstakingly guarded and treasured during years of abuse, and they had been carelessly rejected. There is no pain like the pain of having your purpose trampled underfoot.

Joe’s heart was broken too. He declined our pastor’s proposal that he continue to lead without me beside him. Holding me in his arms, as I cried, he said “How could I? How could I possibly do that, knowing you are hurting like this?”

For months we faithfully continued to attend services at our church. Most Sundays I cried through the entire worship set, now led by two brothers, ages 15 and 16. I lifted my hands in surrender and refused to allow the agony of this loss to create distance between my heart and God’s. I wasn’t just broken, I was angry. I was confused. I wasn’t even invited into a conversation about why I had been “sat down”. I would silently pray the same prayer over and over again. “Why can’t I be used the way I know you want to use me? I don’t understand. Just help me understand.”

I wish my experience was the exception and not the rule, but my heart has been grieved over and over, as I’ve heard and observed similarly painful experiences by women who want nothing more than to live out their callings in honor of Christ.

A friend in South Carolina wrote to me, recently, on social media, describing how she was treated as a young woman in bible college. When she was just a freshman, a professor accosted her in front of his entire department for closing his office door behind her, when she met with him to discuss a paper, treating her as though her very presence in his office was an indiscretion, because she was female. She was also denied the opportunity to pursue Pastoral Studies and wasn’t provided with a mentor to answer her theological questions, because all the mentors were men. Now, years later, having been subjected to bullying by a male pastor at a church where she was a counselor, she is not currently in active ministry. This intelligent, kind, creative, God-loving individual with so much to offer the Body of Christ works in a secular field and is thriving, but how might her story have been different if the men who claimed to follow Christ had treated her as an equal?

My husband and I spent a few years traveling as full-time music missionaries, and we eventually relocated. Now, living in the deep south, hardly a week goes by when I don’t witness the oppression of women within the faith community. Male headship and authority are so deeply ingrained here, to openly think differently is to welcome disdain, admonishment, and even severe correction. Still, I know it is not the heart of Christ. When Mary brought her perfumed oil and knelt at his feet, he honored her. He recognized not only the value of what she poured out, but her worth as an image bearer of God. While the religious elite stood by in shock and judgment, insisting her most valuable asset was not being utilized appropriately, Jesus allowed her to use her hair, one of the most culturally significant features of her womanhood, to wipe her tears from his feet. Can you imagine anything more intimate and easily misunderstood? Yet he did not push her away or rebuke her. Her gender, her femininity was not a threat to him. Her motives were not questioned by him, because she was female. He valued her gift, because he knew what it cost her, and be assured the cost was much higher than simply the price of the oil.

It has taken me until the age of 41 to fully understand the harm done by complementarian theology, not just to the women whose giftings are rejected, but to the whole of the Body of Christ, when fifty percent of us are relegated to smiling, cake-baking, baby-birthing, “helpers” and nothing more.

Joe and I received a late night knock on our front door from that Indiana pastor, several months after I was dismissed from leadership, a knock which was followed by a sincere apology and a reinstatement—after he had discussed whether women should be permitted to lead worship with the California-based founder of our fellowship of churches, who affirmed it was an acceptable role for women—but the damage had been done. We stepped back into our position, leading a gathering of roughly thirty people in worship, every Sunday, for the next couple years, but never with the same confidence, never with the same blissful feeling of being right where we belonged. I was once again “clutching my pearls”, aware I was not in a safe place to fully walk in the calling placed on my life.

I’m so thankful to say, after a long journey serving and struggling within complementarian churches, Joe and I are now part of the worship team at a thriving egalitarian church, where we live in Augusta, GA. One of the first things the Worship Pastor said specifically to me, after our audition, was “Rebecca, I see leadership in you,” and those six words may have been the most healing words a Pastor has ever spoken to me.

Clutch your pearls, if you must. Stash your expensive oil away from the eyes of earthly-minded men, but seek out Jesus. Look for him where he may be found, and there at his feet you will discover a safe place to pour out the most valuable substance you possess, the very life and breath he has given you. It is never a waste to offer them there, and you can trust that he will never chastise you or turn you away. He will never trample your beautiful soul beneath his beautiful feet.

*****

Thank you, Rebecca, for putting so eloquently what many of us feel.

Escaping Doug Wilson

 This is another post that is just about keeping track of links.

I've recently been made aware of Abra Miller who was a member of Doug Wilson's branch of, so called, Christianity. But she has escaped. And I want to keep track of her and link two things to go back to and look at more closely later.

This is a YouTube interview with an Atheist (though Abra maintains belief in God):

Christ Church Rampant: Where Patriarchy, Grooming, Gaslighting, and Shunning Thrive

And this is Abra's personal blog:

Glory Askew

I like knowing about those who have escaped and live to tell.

Edited to add other things showcasing how awful and unbiblical Doug Wilson is.

What's Wrong with Doug Wilson

Inside the Church That Preaches "Wives need to be led with a firm hand"

This guy just needs to go away.

The Parable of the Talents Revisited.

 The Parable of the Talents used to bother me. That is, until I meditated on it and gained further understanding.

But this blog post is not about my understanding of the parable. I may or may not present that here at a later date.

Rather this is about someone telling the parable from a different perspective, one that I feel is needed in this day and age. It is concerning how the church treats women and their talents.

I want to leave the link for it here. Perhaps I will have the opportunity to explore its ins and outs. Perhaps not. More importantly, I'm putting it here so that I can find it again when I want it. I have reasons.

Anyway, here is the link:

Sort of Like the Parable of the Talents

God knows our weaknesses. He also knows the things that oppose His glory within us as women. How I wish that there were more Proverbs Men who supported and encouraged Proverbs Women, rather than all the leaders, teachers, pastors, husbands who kick the legs out from under their women and then complain about the weaknesses of women.

Edited to add two more links that I just want to have within easy reach

Rebekah Mui's response to Denny Burk

Sheila Gregoire's commentary on Rebekah's words.

I like them both.

A Pornified Brain Assaulting The Songs, Again.

 I finished Biblical Porn the other day. It's been out since 2018 but I felt no need to read it because ol' pornified brain Driscoll has been reduced to a lying little disgraced 'pastor'* in a suburb of Phoenix.

(*pastor? really? ah, no, not really. pastors care for the flock. driscoll just uses people and throws them away when they are no longer useful to him.)

But things have changed because Driscoll is at it again, assaulting a beautiful Book of Poetry in the Bible, manipulating and twisting it beyond breaking point. Then taking the twisted and broken version of that Book and using it to create a porn and rape culture in his present church. Because of this I felt the need to read the above linked book that Wenatchee the Hatchet considers to be the best book dealing with the train wreak of Driscoll at Mars Hill in Seattle.

Driscoll first unleashed his his porn heavy interpretation of the Song of Songs back in 2007 or 2008 in the form of his "Peasant Princess" series. He also gave a sermon in Scotland called "Sex, a study of the good bits from the Song of Solomon" that he has since tried to scrub because it was so wrong, un-Christian and repulsive. Listen at your own risk.

Well, a month ago, he has recycled his porn song into a book he calls "Real Romance". Unfortunately, Driscoll believes that his perception of the world, life, sex, and marriage is the only "Real" perception. All other perceptions that don't line up, lockstep, with his are, I don't know, fake? lacking? Not Driscoll centric?

Well, I waited for a while for people to do reviews on the book since I certainly don't want to read it. I'm still getting over watching the first part of just one of his Peasant Princess videos. Now, every time I read that portion of the Songs, I remember that unfortunate and video series and how it has so muddied the waters for so many people.

I know many of the people harmed by Driscoll in Seattle have no desire to review "Real Romance" and I totally get it. If I regret watching one part of one Peasant Princess video, I can only imagine what people who were immersed in his Peasant Princess/Real Marriage crap feel about ever looking at it.

Well, anyway, because of all the above, I decided to link a guest series written by Wenatchee the Hatchet concerning his view on how Driscoll mishandled The Songs back in 2011. I'm doing this as a public service for anyone who has been assaulted by Driscoll's porn meditations through his newest book and would like to see a thoughtful response from someone who had been a member of his church back in Seattle.

Introducing Wenatchee the Hatchet (WTH)

WTH on Driscoll's SoS Intro and Part 1

WTH on Driscoll's SoS Parts 2 and 3

WTH on Driscoll's SoS Part 4a

WTH on Driscoll's SoS Part 4b

Hopefully, someday, Driscoll will stop troubling the Church with his warped ideas on men, women, and sex. But I'm not holding my breath.

A Couple More Important Thoughts on TGC Doctrine Problem

 I really like this one from someone I've never read before or even heard of, Beth Felker Jones:

Protestant bodies, Protestant bedrooms

This next one is from Scot McKnight. I have heard of him before, but not read much from him:

Social Media Speaks

Then of course there is some coverage by Julie Roys reporting team:

TGC Issues an Apology

Finally, The Wartburg Watch had a bit on it:

The Controversy Over Josh Butler

I may add more to this link page. Or not. We'll see.

TGC Echo Chamber

 Unless you live under a rock, you most likely have heard about the ridiculous goings on at The Gospel Coalition, the Keller Centre, and Multnomah Publishing.

If, indeed, someone comes here not knowing, I will link three places to go for more information

Bare Marriage had a good post with lots of links to other opinions: My V@gina Is Not My "Most Holy Place": A Response to the Gospel Coalition.

Under Much Grace comes in with an overview of the history that has led up to this crazy outcome: The Spermeneutics of Spread Your Legs Theology

And I'll add Biblical Personhood's for good measure simple because I miss her voice in the blogsphere as she doesn't publish as much as she used.to and she had such good insight. (Hi, Retha, I see you!): The Gospel Coalition seemingly Endorses Phallic Worship -- And Inadvertently Makes the Case for Women Elders.

Poor Joshua Butler. He really stepped into it, didn't he? And TGC?

This is what happens when a bunch of men refuse to acknowledge the wisdom and concerns of women for years on end. This is what happens when they keep talking to each other about things they don't fully understand. They get weirder and weirder with no wise feminine input or push back. They get emboldened in their error. And out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

Concerning the Proverbs Woman:

Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth in wisdom,

And the [q]teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

Too bad TGC and other Complementarianas fight so hard to shut women up and beat them down with twisted Bible verses. Too bad they judged women to be foolish and unwise. By doing this, they have shot themselves in the foot. They had told everyone that women are lesser parts of the Body of Christ. As a result women were ignored, used, abused and dismissed. And this has blown up in their faces.

Mark Driscoll & Biblical Porn

 I'm reading a book highly recommended to me by my internet friend WenatcheeTheHatchet.

It is called Biblical Porn: Affect, Labor, and Pastor Mark Driscoll's Evangelical Empire

I am about halfway through. I knew things were bad and that Driscoll was doing terrible things to people up in Seattle while he dominated his church. But I didn't know how bad.

Wenatchee has a review of the Biblical Porn book that he did back in 2018 that he says is nsfw:

Prelude and Review of Jessica Johnson's Biblical Porn

NSFW? He ain't kidding.

Why am I reading this now and why am I bringing it up now? Well, I mentioned before that Driscoll has recycled his old Peasant Princess series on the Song of Solomon and written a book called "Real Romance" that he had published last month on Valentine's Day.

So far, there are still no reviews for it on Amazon, which I find surprising. Surely someone somewhere has read the book and has an opinion. I've put a few feelers out to see if anyone has said anything. But so far nothing.

I guess the bottom line for me, the reason this bothers me, is because he's still out their throwing pig feces on the Best of Songs in the Bible, making it all about how he can coerce his wife and all Christian women into becoming strippers, porn stars, prostitutes for their husbands and saying that God agrees with him. He uses God's Word to promote a rape culture and tries to make people believe that God approves of his abusive teachings.

I might not care if I hadn't spent an entire decade before I ever heard of Mark Driscoll, meditating on the healing aspects of The Songs. Within this Best of All Songs there is healing for those of us who have been abused and coerced by narcissistic husbands.

But this Narcissist from Seattle who has moved to Phoenix has used it to abuse his wife and all Christian women within ear shot. This bully of a man who thinks he speaks for God has used it to pimp out Christian women in order to build his own kingdom on sand. Please see Kyle Howard's YouTube video on the topic.

Well, I guess I'll continue to read this book suggested by my internet friend Wenatchee. He would know a lot concerning Driscoll since he used to go to his church. He was actually able to supply the author of the book I linked above with more damning evidence against Driscoll. And he was able to watch, in person, as Driscoll committed a hostile take over of Mars Hill then swerve the poor, unsuspecting congregation into terrible error, making it a hotbed of rape culture and other abuses.

Bumping an Old, Lost Post Up

 Actually, I'm not going to bump it up. I'm just going to link to it somewhere below.

I wrote this post back towards the end of 2010 because I was caught between two women with very strong opinions that seemed to contradict.

Since I valued the temporary internet friendship of both women at the time, I felt the deep need to reconcile the two opinions and make a bridge between them. They both commented and seemed to appreciate the clarification my post brought.

It is concerning whether forgiving an oppressor is a biblical response or a fawning response (Of the Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn Trauma Response).

I came to the conclusion that actual, biblical forgiveness best comes from a place of Strength and Safety, hence the title of the post:

Strength and Safety.

Two Links for Today

 First, Keith Gregoire defending his wife, Sheila, again. Because Sheila doesn't hold up male supremacy as God's divine order 'clearly' laid out in the Bible, she is being accused of not being 'biblical'.

Being Biblical Means Loving the Whole Bible, Not Just Pet Verses.

You go, Keith. I always love it when you contribute to Sheila's blog. This time you were able to logically expose the hypocrisy of those accusing Sheila.

And this from Baptist Global New:

Why Women Talking has women talking and complementarian men fuming

Apparently, male headship is way more important than women talking and working together to deliver themselves from abuse and injustice. At least one dude from The Gospel Coalition thought this so strongly he felt the need to write about it.

Edited 2/18/23 to add this link:

An Ex-Bible Counselor Responds to Christianity Today

It's another good Read.

Edited 2/22/23 to add this one.

Mark Driscoll's Demand for Loyalty Divides Daughter-in-Laws Family

Just wanted to be able to find this one later.

Money, Power, and Sex

I heard a famous old time preacher back in the day say that it was Gold. Glory, or Girls (or any combination) that makes Pastors, Evangelists, and other Christian leaders fall. This preacher died in 1996. If only he could see things now he would be completely heart-broken over all the corruption in the denominations and mega churches today. More on this after a bit.

My guilty pleasure the last few months is watching "Escaping Polygamy" on YouTube. And the series is exactly what is says it is. It is a reality show starring young ladies who have escaped the Kingston Clan in the Salt Lake Valley who are helping others from that Clan and the FLDS who want to escape.

In the opening credits, one of the girls says, "They think it's about religion but it's not. It's about sex." Also in the credits it is noted that the Kingston Clan, or the Order, rules by fear and intimidation. In one of the episodes I watched recently, it was noted that the Order loves money way more than its own people. Sounding a little bit like Girls, Gold, Glory?

Back in 2011, I used to compare Warren Jeffs, the prophet of the FLDS, with John Piper. Warren Jeffs was all about "Keeping Sweet". That is the way he wants his people to behave, especially his women. They are not allowed their own emotions. In comparison John Piper is concerned with how women respond to men, even in the face of abuse. Their response must be sweet and submissive.

As I work my way through the "Escaping Polygamy" series, I am again reminded of how the FLDS and the Kingston Clan have taken the Money, Power, and Sex religion to dizzying levels.

But the Catholic Church, The Southern Baptist Church, and scores of Mega Church pastors have also been worshiping at the Money, Power, Sex Altar. They are sliding down the same slippery slope that the FLDS and Kingstons are on. It is no longer about Jesus and healing the broken hearted. It's about building the kingdoms of men on the sand of greed and narcissism.

Some years back I wrote a series entitled Sex, Drugs, and Mark Driscoll [Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4], and I discussed how Driscoll's Rock Star Preacher status helped him to get away with stuff your average guy cannot. I'm adding today that Driscoll's Rock Star Preacher status helped him to get away with things the average Narcissist couldn't get away with. This is bad for both the church and the Narcissist.

So, yes, that old time pastor from back in the day, who was concerned about Gold, Glory, and Girls taking preachers down would be shocked to see that nowadays Money, Power, and Sex are all just in a days work for many of these Rock Star/Celebrity Preachers.

Now I'm going to state the obvious.

This needs to stop.

Brothers In Love

 Back in the day my mother used to belong to a sorority that was good about helping women get ahead in a man's world through scholarships and grants for a better education.

Along side this sorority was a group formed by some of their husbands call BIL, an acronym for Brothers In Love. And these fellows would get involved in projects to further this sorority's goal.

Today I read a post on Bare Marriage by Keith Gregoire concerning the accusations against his wife and company that Bare Marriage in it's various forms (Blog, Podcast, Facebook, Twitter etc.) engages in man-bashing. As always, he does an eloquent job dismantling these false accusations against Bare Marriage activity in his post Is Holding Men to a High Standard Man-Bashing?

Normally, I might just comment my appreciation for his words. But today, I felt like saying more.

Keith, his son-in-law, and the various male commenters and contributors, even some of the struggling but honest men are BILs to me. And I want to look at some scripture to talk about this.

[Disclaimer: The scripture I am pulling from is The Song of Solomon. I understand that many take this book of the Bible to be exclusively about sex between a husband and wife. While I understand that this is true about The Songs, I also believe in a more nuanced and even at times, allegorical take. And there is a long tradition of others looking at it this way. Some have gone way too far making an allegorical application ridiculous. And some have determined that it is never about sex, which I don't agree with. So those of you who can only see The Songs as sexual, this post may not be for you. But my personal testimony involves meditating on The Songs in order to get healing while still in a bad marriage.]

Songs 1:5“I am black and beautiful,

You daughters of Jerusalem,
Like the tents of Kedar,

Songs 1:6 Do not stare at me because I am [f]dark,

For the sun has tanned me.
My mother’s sons were angry with me;
They made me caretaker of the vineyards,
But I have not taken care of my own vineyard.

In verse 6, the beloved refers to her brothers as being angry with her and implies that they were oppressive towards her, holding her responsible for their vineyards, or someone's vineyard that was not her own to the neglect of her vineyard. This is what Evangelical men have done with their books, like "Love and Respect" and the "Every Man's Battle" series. These authors hold women responsible for the sins of men.

These Evangelical authors are not BILs. They are something else. Are they Angry Little Men Oppressing Sisters Totally maybe? Or ALMOST men? (I'll bet someone else could come up with a better acronym. This was the best I could do in the here and now.)

An over reaching theme in The Songs is about the Lover taking the beloved from being an oppressed daughter of a nobleman (or prince depending on translation) who wasn't even allowed to take care of her own business and setting her up as Queen and manager of her own vineyard.

Songs 8:12 My very own vineyard is [d]at my disposal;

The thousand shekels are for you, Solomon,
And two hundred are for those who take care of its fruit.”

Allegorically, in personal meditations, I have viewed the results in this verse as being made possible by the Lover of my Soul. Jesus.

But, I now consider all our BILs to be men of integrity that are working along side women to stop the oppression of women by false teachers. These false teachers are not true brothers and have worked very hard to lay up heavy burdens upon the backs of wives in marriage. And they don't feel the need to lift a finger to help. That would make them Pharisees or ALMOST men. (Really. Someone is welcome to come up with something better.)

As a closing thought, I am thinking of an old song that went around Christendom back in the day.

"They will know we are Christians by our love."

But according to the ALMOST men, the song might go, "They will know I'm a Christian husband by how much sex, and all the different kinds of sex I can get from my wife." (I'm looking at you, Driscoll, you Bible manipulator and leader of ALMOST men.)

I love and appreciate all our BILs at Bare Marriage. Thanks Keith for contributing to the blog.

Mark Driscoll Is So Disqualified

 He is disqualified on so many levels as a pastor, teacher, and preacher.

Yet people still support him and give him a platform. I  personally know people who think that Driscoll has repented because he is so good at spinning, spinning, spinning, and making a 'reality' that he likes rather than to deal with actual reality, with what really happened.

I have a tendency to focus on his terrible misuse of the Bible and especially The Songs as tools to further his fleshly agenda. He is busy at work building his personal earthly kingdom. Unfortunately his new fiefdom has little to do with God's Kingdom. I'm planning on reposting some things concerning this in the future, including a guest post by my blogging friend, Wenatchee the Hatchet on this particular topic. More on him later.

But for now it is good for me to remember that there is so much evidence in other areas that exposes Driscoll's woeful lack of character. There is much evidence on his failure to fulfill the requirements for the office of a pastor as lined out in the Pastoral Epistles.

There is a reason that I include Wenatchee The Hatchet in my reading concerning Driscoll. He actually attended Mars Hill in Seattle. Plus he has training in journalism so is good at research and delivery of facts. When he talks about Driscoll and the history of Mars Hill, I have never been sorry for it paying attention.

Recently, Wenatchee the Hatchet has brought up a great point that I want to link to. He has addressed an excerpt from a 2021 book, "Pray Like Jesus" written by Driscoll that completely reframes what happened back in Seattle. Wenatchee the Hatchet holds it up next to other evidence from that time including Driscoll's own words. It is a long read, but a good read for anyone who cares about actual reality vs Driscoll's self-serving spin.

an apparent account of Mark Driscoll's resignation from Mars Hill from the 2021 book Pray Like Jesus, juxtaposed with prior accounts and Sutton Turner's published notes from the 2014 investigation of Mark Driscoll

As an add on to this post, I'd like to direct your attention to a Julie Roys podcast: Escaping & Healing From Abusive Churches Part 2

Here she interviews a man who spent time in an abusive church in Oregon.

Part 1 is also good. But part 2 gets more into the difference between abusive leaders that are held up as 'good' pastors, teachers, or preachers verses a person with an actual pastor's heart.

Much of modern Christianity, and especially modern Evangelicalism, has lost its way. They want the shiny and charismatic men, the ones that entertain them and make them feel certain ways. They don't realize that these shiny men have shady characters and off-balanced teachings that often oppose the teachings of Jesus.

Good Old Links

 These are old links from 2012 and 2014 from a blog called Practical Theology for Women.

I greatly respect the author, a confirmed Complementarian for many reasons.

I pay attention to her words concerning Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill because she used to be a member of that church and has good insight on the situation.

In the first link from 2012, she and her husband reviewed Mark Driscoll's book "Real Marriage" and did an amazing job.

Review of Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll

The second link is from 2014 and talks about some of the damage that Mark Driscoll's teaching on sex has done to people.

The Harmful Teaching of Wives as Their Husband's Porn Stars

I'm bringing these two links forward so they can be referred to when combatting, comparing, and contrasting the new sex teaching book that Driscoll is now promoting.

Driscoll Trying to Define Reality

 Mark has two books already out that contain the word "Real". They are "Real Marriage" and "Real Faith"

He has a third one coming out on February 14 called "Real Romance".

Apparently he believes himself to be an expert on what is real as opposed to everything else. "Real Romance" is based on The Song of Songs, something that he believes he is an authority on.

But there is a huge problem with Driscoll. He is not a Bible teacher. He does not rightly divide the Word of Truth. Rather he is a brilliant propogandist who can twist the Bible into whatever shape he wants in order to make it say whatever he wants it to say.

We have seen this before with The Songs. One of his most infamous sermons was in Edinberg, Scotland where he gave a message on the "Good Bits" of The Songs. The sermon and some commentary about it is preserved here:

Reflecting on a Controversial Sermon...

Driscoll skips all the parts about the egalitarian relationship between the lover and the beloved and instead zeroes in on a few poetic things and makes great assumptions about what they mean. And then, turns those assumptions into commands for women to perform.

This is the reality that Driscoll has been trying to create. One where women are commanded to do all the sex acts, where the husband/idol has the right to demand whatever appendage or orifice he wants, and where the wife is to never tell her husband no. He has taken coercion and the obligation sex message to new abusive and oppressive lows.

He has never repented from his sin against women as described by Kyle J Howard in this YouTube video.

And I have no confidence that he will not carry this sin over into his new book promoting what he wants sex to be for himself and everyone else.

So I'm declaring here and now that Driscoll doesn't have a clue concerning real romance. Nor does he really understand The Songs. He only knows how he wants things to be. And the way he wants it is abusive and oppressive to women.

Oh, by the way, Grace Driscoll is cited as co-author of this book. But I don't take what she has to say seriously. Because as a Narcissistic Enabler, she reflects back to Mark what he wants to see. It is a survival tactic on her end. She should have dealt with Mark's sin against her and the women of their church long ago. But she hasn't and I am not waiting for her to change anytime soon. She's pretty beaten down. [See Dear Grace Driscoll, a guest post open letter from back in the day.]

So, while I don't take Grace seriously as co-author of Mark's book about the pornified way Mark wants sex to be, I do take Grace seriously as a master performer to help keep Mark's propaganda machine going.

In fact, I want to dedicate a song to her called Dance Monkey because she dances the dance Mark demands. And she is the perfect Sex Monkey for Mark's Real Porn/Fake Romance Life.

Mark really likes Sex Monkeys and thinks that all men should have their own Sex Monkey. That is what he has preached in the past. And I don't expect this new book to be any different.

Driscoll is Selling Sex Again

 yay. he's at it again. whoop, whoop.

(Huge eyerolling emoji here)

Here's a link to the story about it: Mark Driscoll Says He Wants to 'Heat Up Your Marriage"

One of the things that really helped Driscoll build his kingdom on sand in Seattle was his Peasant Princess series back in the day.

Discovering his warped and perverted view of the Songs is what put him on my radar in 2009. And not in a good way.

His series definitely put him on the map and made him a lot of money. Just like Hugh Hefner made a lot money off of Sex.

The fact the Driscoll exists is sad. What is worse is all the people who can't see through what he's doing and who support him.

People would be much better off supporting legitimate ministries that actually help people like Sheila Gregoire's Bare Marriage blog and podcast.

Edited to add The Wartburg Watch's post that includes info on Driscoll wanting to make money off sex again:

"... While Mark Driscoll Remembers that Sex Sells"