Taking another break from SOS for a second.
I found another blog with an example of women spitting bitter religion out of their mouths.
These women, Laura and Vyckie, were a part of a Christian subgroup that promotes "Biblical Patriarchy" and the "Quiverfull" movement. It is a very hard teaching that can sap the very life out of a woman. I have friends not associated with that blog who are still recovering from the bad doctrine and oppressive teaching of this movement.
The women who own this blog are so turned off to Christianity because of this legalistic group that one or both of them is considering Atheism. And Atheists are stopping by to to congratulate them for escaping such a toxic religion as "Christianity"
The blog is called No Longer Quivering and is located at:
http://2spb.blogspot.com/
Jesus said, "Come unto me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest."
If anyone is finding no rest in their Christian faith, perhaps it is time to re-examine it.
God calls us all to a Sabbath rest.
Edit made 3/25/09
After reading this again I realized that I could be misunderstood.
Those following my blog who have read the earliest posts would have known that I meant that the bitter waters being spit out by these recovering women did not originate within them. I don't think that they are just a couple of bitter vindictive women.
What I mean is that Patriarchy and Quiverfull teaching can be very bitter. I mean that these women are spitting out the bitter waters of this teaching. And rightly so.
Patriarchy and Quiverfull have both morphed into a works-based religion that doesn't bring life.
My hat's off to them for their strength and courage to escape and recover and speak out against such bitter waters being held up as sweet "Biblical" waters. They are not sweet waters. Too much man-made religion has been stirred into it making it toxic.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Failure to Attach
I have a coworker who has adopted boys who were neglected and abused in their early years (ages 0-three years). As a result of the abuse they have developed Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD).
Wikipedia says that, "RAD arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Such a failure could result from severe early experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers, or a lack of caregiver responsiveness to a child's communicative efforts."
In other words, the child has not properly bonded with a caregiver.
Wikipedia goes on to say that not all children suffering from abuse and neglect at an early age develops RAD. It is actually "relatively uncommon".
Bonding is an extremely important time of development in a baby. God made us to be socially attached to one another. This is why Adam's "aloneness" in Genesis 2:18 is "not good."
God made Eve so that Adam was not alone anymore. He needed to bond with someone.
The Bible calls it cleaving in Genesis 2:24.
Interestingly, the same Hebrew word translated cleave in Gen 2:4 is used in Deuteronomy 10:20 & 13:4. My version translates it as cling.
Deut. 10:20 You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him and cling to Him, and you shall swear by His name.
Deut. 13:4 You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him, and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.
The word in Hebrew for cleave/cling also meant adhere, to catch by pursuit, fast together, follow close or hard after, be joined (together), pursue hard, stick.
So the children of Israel were encouraged to attach themselves, bond with, and even chase after God. And men are encouraged to do the same with their wives.
To become one with their wives? To become one with God?
Is such a thing possible?
Here are the words of Jesus.
John 17:21 that they may all be one; even as Thou, Father art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be in Us; that the world may believe that Thou didst send Me.
Vs 22 And the glory Thou has given Me I have given to them; that they may be one, just as We are one.
Vs 23 I in them, and Thou in Me, that they may be perfected in unity (into a unit), that the world may know (continually) that Thou didst send Me, and didst love them, even as Thou didst love Me.
We are called to be one with God. Whatever that means exactly, I don't know. But it must be possible or God wouldn't ask it of us.
But when the Beloved in Song of Solomon 1:2 longs for the Lover to kiss (fasten, touch, attach, etc) her, she is longing for attachment. She is longing for a bond between herself and Him.
This is what we are called to do. To cling to God. To reach out for attachment and bonding. To let Him know we long for a touch, a look, a word from Him.
This is our highest calling.
Meditating on SOS can prepare our hearts to pursue this calling and open up to a healthy attachment to our God.
But distracted by the many worries, riches, and pleasures of this life (Luke 8:14) some Christians suffer a failure to attach.
Wikipedia says that, "RAD arises from a failure to form normal attachments to primary caregivers in early childhood. Such a failure could result from severe early experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers, or a lack of caregiver responsiveness to a child's communicative efforts."
In other words, the child has not properly bonded with a caregiver.
Wikipedia goes on to say that not all children suffering from abuse and neglect at an early age develops RAD. It is actually "relatively uncommon".
Bonding is an extremely important time of development in a baby. God made us to be socially attached to one another. This is why Adam's "aloneness" in Genesis 2:18 is "not good."
God made Eve so that Adam was not alone anymore. He needed to bond with someone.
The Bible calls it cleaving in Genesis 2:24.
Interestingly, the same Hebrew word translated cleave in Gen 2:4 is used in Deuteronomy 10:20 & 13:4. My version translates it as cling.
Deut. 10:20 You shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him and cling to Him, and you shall swear by His name.
Deut. 13:4 You shall follow the Lord your God and fear Him, and you shall keep His commandments, listen to His voice, serve Him, and cling to Him.
The word in Hebrew for cleave/cling also meant adhere, to catch by pursuit, fast together, follow close or hard after, be joined (together), pursue hard, stick.
So the children of Israel were encouraged to attach themselves, bond with, and even chase after God. And men are encouraged to do the same with their wives.
To become one with their wives? To become one with God?
Is such a thing possible?
Here are the words of Jesus.
John 17:21 that they may all be one; even as Thou, Father art in Me, and I in Thee, that they also may be in Us; that the world may believe that Thou didst send Me.
Vs 22 And the glory Thou has given Me I have given to them; that they may be one, just as We are one.
Vs 23 I in them, and Thou in Me, that they may be perfected in unity (into a unit), that the world may know (continually) that Thou didst send Me, and didst love them, even as Thou didst love Me.
We are called to be one with God. Whatever that means exactly, I don't know. But it must be possible or God wouldn't ask it of us.
But when the Beloved in Song of Solomon 1:2 longs for the Lover to kiss (fasten, touch, attach, etc) her, she is longing for attachment. She is longing for a bond between herself and Him.
This is what we are called to do. To cling to God. To reach out for attachment and bonding. To let Him know we long for a touch, a look, a word from Him.
This is our highest calling.
Meditating on SOS can prepare our hearts to pursue this calling and open up to a healthy attachment to our God.
But distracted by the many worries, riches, and pleasures of this life (Luke 8:14) some Christians suffer a failure to attach.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Oh, My Goodness (a break from SOS)
Something strange has happened.
I finally decided my life is stable enough that I can teach a Sunday School quarter in my church.
I'm teaching the fourth, fifth, and sixth graders.
That's not the strange thing.
The strange thing is that the first unit in this quarter is about turning the tide of emotions.
The first lesson yesterday was on anger and the lesson next week is on...
Wait for it...
BITTERNESS!
Whoa.
Can you believe it?
And just for the record, I'm honored that it fell this way. I'm honored that God would trust me with these lessons on emotions and with this Sunday School class. The lesson yesterday went well even though I went in a bit of a different direction than the lesson.
I handled it differently in part because of a discussion I had with Molly and others on her blog:
Adventures in Mercy
http://adventuresinmercy.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/letters-to-an-abused-soul-when-love-is-no/#comment-22746
It is important to me to stress to these children that anger, itself, is not the enemy.
The Bible says to be angry yet do not sin.
It doesn't say do not be angry. And yet I've heard enough cautions over the years from teachings that stress the evils of anger that it left the impression on me that I was not allowed to be angry.
I eventually learned that suppressing anger is worse than the anger itself.
I had to learn to take my anger to God and let Him teach me, even release me, that it is okay to be angry.
So in my class we learned about appropriate anger, anger as a symptom of something else, anger addiction, and anger used to control.
The last two mentioned above, I stressed, were inappropriate anger. We called it sin.
The second one could go either way.
Though the curriculum touched on appropriate anger, it really stressed the dangers of inappropriate or unhealthy anger to the point that I feared my students would think that they needed to repress their anger. And I didn't want that. I wanted them to understand symptom anger.
Cain had symptom anger when God rejected his offering. (Genesis 4:1-8)
But the beautiful thing about this story is that God, Himself, was right there to direct Cain on what to do with this symptom. Unfortunately, Cain didn't listen to God and he ended up killing his brother.
This story was not included in the lesson curriculum. But I had to include it because so much of the time we don't recognize our anger for what it is. -- a symptom of something else.
Cain felt rejection and expressed it in anger.
It was actually good because it revealed that he really did care about what God thought about him.
And God provided a way for him to do what he needed to do to not be rejected. But Cain gave himself over to anger and sin instead of mastering the sin.
This story made an impression on my students. They seemed interested in the four expression of anger.
So anyway, I'm quite pleased that I get to teach this unit to my students.
They are in a very important time in their lives. I pray that God will give me what I need to teach this unit in a way that helps them along in healthy emotional growth and development.
I hope I can help them avoid some of the pitfalls that I have had.
I finally decided my life is stable enough that I can teach a Sunday School quarter in my church.
I'm teaching the fourth, fifth, and sixth graders.
That's not the strange thing.
The strange thing is that the first unit in this quarter is about turning the tide of emotions.
The first lesson yesterday was on anger and the lesson next week is on...
Wait for it...
BITTERNESS!
Whoa.
Can you believe it?
And just for the record, I'm honored that it fell this way. I'm honored that God would trust me with these lessons on emotions and with this Sunday School class. The lesson yesterday went well even though I went in a bit of a different direction than the lesson.
I handled it differently in part because of a discussion I had with Molly and others on her blog:
Adventures in Mercy
http://adventuresinmercy.wordpress.com/2008/12/17/letters-to-an-abused-soul-when-love-is-no/#comment-22746
It is important to me to stress to these children that anger, itself, is not the enemy.
The Bible says to be angry yet do not sin.
It doesn't say do not be angry. And yet I've heard enough cautions over the years from teachings that stress the evils of anger that it left the impression on me that I was not allowed to be angry.
I eventually learned that suppressing anger is worse than the anger itself.
I had to learn to take my anger to God and let Him teach me, even release me, that it is okay to be angry.
So in my class we learned about appropriate anger, anger as a symptom of something else, anger addiction, and anger used to control.
The last two mentioned above, I stressed, were inappropriate anger. We called it sin.
The second one could go either way.
Though the curriculum touched on appropriate anger, it really stressed the dangers of inappropriate or unhealthy anger to the point that I feared my students would think that they needed to repress their anger. And I didn't want that. I wanted them to understand symptom anger.
Cain had symptom anger when God rejected his offering. (Genesis 4:1-8)
But the beautiful thing about this story is that God, Himself, was right there to direct Cain on what to do with this symptom. Unfortunately, Cain didn't listen to God and he ended up killing his brother.
This story was not included in the lesson curriculum. But I had to include it because so much of the time we don't recognize our anger for what it is. -- a symptom of something else.
Cain felt rejection and expressed it in anger.
It was actually good because it revealed that he really did care about what God thought about him.
And God provided a way for him to do what he needed to do to not be rejected. But Cain gave himself over to anger and sin instead of mastering the sin.
This story made an impression on my students. They seemed interested in the four expression of anger.
So anyway, I'm quite pleased that I get to teach this unit to my students.
They are in a very important time in their lives. I pray that God will give me what I need to teach this unit in a way that helps them along in healthy emotional growth and development.
I hope I can help them avoid some of the pitfalls that I have had.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
A Bit More About Spiritual Senses
Hebrews 5:14 But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil (KJV)
Hebrews 5:14 (NAS) But solid food is for the mature who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.
In the previous post I talk about involving the senses in worship. I consider there to be both natural senses and spiritual senses. And really, when you think about it, Jesus said that the true worshipers will worship in Spirit and in truth. (John 4:24)
The above verse given in both King James and New American Standard version translations talk about senses. It doesn't specify that they are spiritual. However, the discerning of spirits is a spiritual gift listed in I Corinthians 12:10. So to me, the above verse encourages us to train and practice our spiritual senses.
So how do you do this?
I don't have all the answers to that, of course. Who does?
But I know that we need the truth that is found in the Bible if we are to worship Jesus in spirit and in truth. And Hebrews says this sort of thing takes practice. The only place I know to start is in prayer and worship and fellowship with other believers who are already heading down this road. It is a process, learning to let God partner with us to train our senses. We must trust Him to meet us and work with us when we practice the Christian disciplines that have been handed down to us by the church fathers and mothers.
Hebrews 5:14 (NAS) But solid food is for the mature who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.
In the previous post I talk about involving the senses in worship. I consider there to be both natural senses and spiritual senses. And really, when you think about it, Jesus said that the true worshipers will worship in Spirit and in truth. (John 4:24)
The above verse given in both King James and New American Standard version translations talk about senses. It doesn't specify that they are spiritual. However, the discerning of spirits is a spiritual gift listed in I Corinthians 12:10. So to me, the above verse encourages us to train and practice our spiritual senses.
So how do you do this?
I don't have all the answers to that, of course. Who does?
But I know that we need the truth that is found in the Bible if we are to worship Jesus in spirit and in truth. And Hebrews says this sort of thing takes practice. The only place I know to start is in prayer and worship and fellowship with other believers who are already heading down this road. It is a process, learning to let God partner with us to train our senses. We must trust Him to meet us and work with us when we practice the Christian disciplines that have been handed down to us by the church fathers and mothers.
Monday, February 9, 2009
Involving the Senses in Worship
~I John 1:1 What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we beheld and our hands handled (touched NIV), concerning the Word of Life-
~Psalm 34:8 O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
I told Brenda that I did not think of Song of Solomon (SOS) as being a sexual book. I also told her that I don't look upon it as sensual. What I meant was - sensual in a sexual way. But in all honesty, SOS very much involves the senses.
This is not exclusive to SOS. The two verses above also involve the senses. John's words are a witness, a testimony of his very intimate involvement with Jesus Christ Himself. The Psalmist calls upon the worshiper to seek God and experience Him personally. The senses are very important to us in our understanding of the world.
SOS's second and third verses also call upon the senses.
~Song of Solomon 1:2&3 May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. Your oils have a pleasing fragrance, Your name is like purified oil; Therefore the maidens love you.
This is the maiden, or beloved, speaking here in 2&3, talking about her desire to be kissed by Solomon, a.k.a the lover.
The Hebrew word for kiss means both literally and figuratively to kiss. It also means to touch or fasten up or an attachment. She wants to be touched and she compares the lover's kiss/touch as being better than the taste or effects of wine.
In verse 3 she notes that the bridegroom smells good. Don't let the word oil throw you. They didn't have Bath and Body Works back then. No lotions or after shave. Olive oil was an important staple in the Hebrew home. It was used for lighting, food, and for cosmetic purposes. Oils infused with different fragrances were used. Later on in the song specific smells are brought up and they are highly symbolic, some of them for the purpose of healing. But for now, just know that the presence of the lover is so pleasing that not even the beloved notices, so do other maidens, and they love him.
This is a nice story about two people falling in love. But the deeper symbolism is the worshiper looking with longing toward God, toward Jesus the Bridegroom and desiring to be closer, close enough to reach out and touch Him.
I heard once at a Praise and Worship Seminar that one of the definitions of worship is to turn to face and kiss. And this view is not so hard to imagine when you think that long ago a kiss was a form of worship. I don't know if you have seen historical movies where someone kisses the hand of a lord or a king or high official in the catholic church. But it was not uncommon back then.
So hopefully it is not a hard step to take to meditate on the Christian longing to be closer, to touch, to taste and see that the LORD is good.
~Psalm 34:8 O taste and see that the LORD is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!
I told Brenda that I did not think of Song of Solomon (SOS) as being a sexual book. I also told her that I don't look upon it as sensual. What I meant was - sensual in a sexual way. But in all honesty, SOS very much involves the senses.
This is not exclusive to SOS. The two verses above also involve the senses. John's words are a witness, a testimony of his very intimate involvement with Jesus Christ Himself. The Psalmist calls upon the worshiper to seek God and experience Him personally. The senses are very important to us in our understanding of the world.
SOS's second and third verses also call upon the senses.
~Song of Solomon 1:2&3 May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. Your oils have a pleasing fragrance, Your name is like purified oil; Therefore the maidens love you.
This is the maiden, or beloved, speaking here in 2&3, talking about her desire to be kissed by Solomon, a.k.a the lover.
The Hebrew word for kiss means both literally and figuratively to kiss. It also means to touch or fasten up or an attachment. She wants to be touched and she compares the lover's kiss/touch as being better than the taste or effects of wine.
In verse 3 she notes that the bridegroom smells good. Don't let the word oil throw you. They didn't have Bath and Body Works back then. No lotions or after shave. Olive oil was an important staple in the Hebrew home. It was used for lighting, food, and for cosmetic purposes. Oils infused with different fragrances were used. Later on in the song specific smells are brought up and they are highly symbolic, some of them for the purpose of healing. But for now, just know that the presence of the lover is so pleasing that not even the beloved notices, so do other maidens, and they love him.
This is a nice story about two people falling in love. But the deeper symbolism is the worshiper looking with longing toward God, toward Jesus the Bridegroom and desiring to be closer, close enough to reach out and touch Him.
I heard once at a Praise and Worship Seminar that one of the definitions of worship is to turn to face and kiss. And this view is not so hard to imagine when you think that long ago a kiss was a form of worship. I don't know if you have seen historical movies where someone kisses the hand of a lord or a king or high official in the catholic church. But it was not uncommon back then.
So hopefully it is not a hard step to take to meditate on the Christian longing to be closer, to touch, to taste and see that the LORD is good.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Acronym Break
Just learned this one.
Sorry if everyone already knows this one. I'm not always known to be on the cutting edge of these kinds of things.
This is dedicated to all people with addictions, bitterness, and brain disorders who refuse to acknowledge the fact.
DENIAL = Don't Even kNow I Am Lying
I like a good acronym.
Sorry if everyone already knows this one. I'm not always known to be on the cutting edge of these kinds of things.
This is dedicated to all people with addictions, bitterness, and brain disorders who refuse to acknowledge the fact.
DENIAL = Don't Even kNow I Am Lying
I like a good acronym.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Lovers & Fighters, Praisers & Mourners, Fools & Sages
I really do want to get to Song of Solomon (SOS) chapter one verses two & three.
But I think a quick Old Testament overview might help to give a better perspective of SOS and it's place in the Bible.
If you aren't much into overviews, I apologize. But I have found that overviews help me. And some people checking in here might benefit. Others that check in here probably already know what I'm about to share, and a whole lot more.
The Old Testament is divided into four parts.
~The Law
~Historical Books
~Poetic Books
~The Prophets.
The Law contained five books. Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, & Deuteronomy. The stories within these books include, Adam & Eve, Noah & the Ark, Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob, Joseph and his coat of many colors, and the Ten Commandments among other stories.
The Historical Books are Joshua, Judges, Ruth, I & II Samuel, I & II Kings, I & II Chronicles, Ezra, and Nehemiah. It contains stories like the Battle of Jericho, Gideon, Sampson & Delilah, David & Goliath, Elijah's chariot of fire, the building and rebuilding of the temple.
The Poetic books are Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon. I will come back to this section.
The Prophets start with Isaiah (The evangelical prophet) & Jeremiah (The weeping prophet) and goes on to the end of the Old Testament. Stories within this grouping include Danial in the Lion' Den, Jonah and the Whale (or big fish if you want to be literal), and Ezekiel's valley of dry bones.
Now back to the Poetic section where SOS is found. To me, the poetic books are the heart and soul of the Old Testament. In the poetic books we see deep grief, high praise, great wisdom, intimate love and been there done that extremo. They deal with the deep places of the human heart.
The oldest book in the Bible may in fact be Job. And his is the story of a good man who loved God and his family. He's going along minding his own business when WHAMO (in loving memory of Steve Irwin). Now where was I? Oh yes, Job was going along, minding his own business, when WHAMO, everything is riped away from him. The rest of the book is him struggling with his situation, his friends telling him he must have done something wrong, and him calling on God. God answers him in the end. It's an excellent read.
Psalms is the longest book in the Bible, containing 150 chapters. It is not just a book of praises and high praises, but of repentance (Ps 51) and prayers of faith in adversity (pofia). Besides praise and thanksgiving, worship, waiting and meditating are common themes.
Proverbs is practical, rubber meets the road, observations on how the world and relationships work. There are 31 chapters and many people read through Proverbs once a month, chapter 1 on the first of the month, chapter 2 on day 2 etc. If you've never done this, I highly recommend doing so once in a while.
Ecclesiastes... well... It's the book of excesses. A wise and wealthy man became foolish and financed it freely for sometime, then comes back to his original conclusion. The last two verses of this book state:
Ecclesiastes 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
vs 14 For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
Then there is SOS. The best of the Songs. In the poetic section, they saved the best for last.
But I think a quick Old Testament overview might help to give a better perspective of SOS and it's place in the Bible.
If you aren't much into overviews, I apologize. But I have found that overviews help me. And some people checking in here might benefit. Others that check in here probably already know what I'm about to share, and a whole lot more.
The Old Testament is divided into four parts.
~The Law
~Historical Books
~Poetic Books
~The Prophets.
The Law contained five books. Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, & Deuteronomy. The stories within these books include, Adam & Eve, Noah & the Ark, Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob, Joseph and his coat of many colors, and the Ten Commandments among other stories.
The Historical Books are Joshua, Judges, Ruth, I & II Samuel, I & II Kings, I & II Chronicles, Ezra, and Nehemiah. It contains stories like the Battle of Jericho, Gideon, Sampson & Delilah, David & Goliath, Elijah's chariot of fire, the building and rebuilding of the temple.
The Poetic books are Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon. I will come back to this section.
The Prophets start with Isaiah (The evangelical prophet) & Jeremiah (The weeping prophet) and goes on to the end of the Old Testament. Stories within this grouping include Danial in the Lion' Den, Jonah and the Whale (or big fish if you want to be literal), and Ezekiel's valley of dry bones.
Now back to the Poetic section where SOS is found. To me, the poetic books are the heart and soul of the Old Testament. In the poetic books we see deep grief, high praise, great wisdom, intimate love and been there done that extremo. They deal with the deep places of the human heart.
The oldest book in the Bible may in fact be Job. And his is the story of a good man who loved God and his family. He's going along minding his own business when WHAMO (in loving memory of Steve Irwin). Now where was I? Oh yes, Job was going along, minding his own business, when WHAMO, everything is riped away from him. The rest of the book is him struggling with his situation, his friends telling him he must have done something wrong, and him calling on God. God answers him in the end. It's an excellent read.
Psalms is the longest book in the Bible, containing 150 chapters. It is not just a book of praises and high praises, but of repentance (Ps 51) and prayers of faith in adversity (pofia). Besides praise and thanksgiving, worship, waiting and meditating are common themes.
Proverbs is practical, rubber meets the road, observations on how the world and relationships work. There are 31 chapters and many people read through Proverbs once a month, chapter 1 on the first of the month, chapter 2 on day 2 etc. If you've never done this, I highly recommend doing so once in a while.
Ecclesiastes... well... It's the book of excesses. A wise and wealthy man became foolish and financed it freely for sometime, then comes back to his original conclusion. The last two verses of this book state:
Ecclesiastes 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
vs 14 For God shall bring every work into judgement, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
Then there is SOS. The best of the Songs. In the poetic section, they saved the best for last.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Not About Sex. At least not for me at this time.
My new friend Brenda left a comment under my January 25th, 2009 post that makes me wonder if I better cover something about Song of Solomon (SOS) before I move onto verses 2 & 3 of chapter one.
When I replied to her first comment on my blog I made the observation that SOS was not about sex to me but about intimacy with God.
Her reply was as follows--
Brenda: "Wow, I don't think I found your blog my mistake either! I also need to get to a more intimate place with God. For quite awhile He has felt very distant even though I haven't given up pursuing Him by staying in the Word and prayer. It's been very frustrating to me. I'm looking forward to reading more of your thoughts on what you get from SOS. It is difficult to read about breasts, lips, mouth, tongue, thighs, and navel, and picturing God and me. It's much more fun imagining my husband in it. But, I'm going to give it a shot. Because you may just be on to something."
I'm very glad she brought this up. And please, those of you who check in here from time to time, bear with me as I try to explain this. I am getting to a very specific point. And it is about intimacy with God. But sometimes you have to wade through some stuff to get everyone on the same page, or at least in the same book.
As Brenda mentioned, breasts, lips, mouths, tongues, thighs, and navels are mentioned in this book. No wonder people immediately think about sex first thing. Especially in our sexually overcharged society. I mean, magazines and websites exist that are dedicated exclusively to large breasts. And sex is used to sell anything and everything. In a society such as ours, women can be viewed as sex objects. I mean, what other purpose is there for breasts than to attract men?
Well, actually, women's breasts do exist for something else besides sex. They exist for nursing babies. But with our sex oriented culture, it's hard for many to think of them for anything else. Women who want to nurse in public places, even discretely covered, are not looked upon favorably by many. Sometimes the outcry against such a thing is huge. Some people treat nursing as something nasty that needs to be hidden from the public eye. A private matter between a mother and her infant child. With this collective social attitude, no wonder many women resort to bottle feeding their babies. A gal might like to go out in public once in a while and feel caged within her home or have to run to a public restroom and sit on a toilet seat with no lid in order to nurse so as not to offend anybody.
Well, breasts have other uses besides sex, I think it's safe to say that lips, mouths, tongues, and thighs also have other uses. We don't need to automatically assume, sex.
I think you get my point. So enough of my nursing soapbox. That's not what this blog is about. What it is about is my journey out of bitterness.
When I started reading SOS I had no idea why God wanted me to study there.
But I was very much aware of something else.
I was aware that God uses symbols and pictures to reveal Himself to us and the relationship He wants to have with us.
~He uses sheep and Shepherd. He wants us to see His protection over us and how dependent we are on Him.
~He uses slaves/servants and Master. He wants us to see and respect Him as LORD.
~He uses children and Father. This is even as deeper and more intimate view than the servant/Master mode, as a child is more cared for than a servant or slave.
~He uses student/Teacher. We have a lot to learn from Him.
~Jesus, as the first born from the dead can also be looked upon as our older Brother. Hey, this is a good meditation. How do you think your life would be different if you had an older brother who was a prince or king? It would be a good thing if your brother liked you. Not so good if He didn't.
~After the disciples followed Jesus a while, He told them that they were no longer His servants, but His friends. This is definitely a step up.
~Then, of course, there is Jesus as the Bridegroom and the church as the bride. What greater place can there be than to be one with the Creator and Redeemer of the universe?
Of course, in this life, in this world, we can only see in a mirror dimly. In heaven we can see Him face to face.
But it is our job in this life, to try to get to know Him as best we can here. Why wouldn't we want to? After all, we will spend all eternity with Him. We shouldn't be practically strangers with Him when we die.
I had a friend who was orphaned very young. Because she had no earthly father, she meditate deeply on the fact that she had a heavenly Father. It brought her great comfort, made her feel loved and not rejected. But a mutual friend of ours pointed out to me that this orphaned friend was stunting her own spiritual growth by only focusing on one aspect of her relationship with God. She'd been in this place for years. She didn't need to let go of her understanding of Father. But she needed to not fear the deeper intimacy that God calls us all to.
It was from this perspective that I felt I should study SOS. And it is from this perspective that I'd like to share what I've learned so far.
And please, any one who checks in here, look at Brenda as a good example. If you don't understand something, or if I've not been clear, please ask me.
I am far from a perfect communicator. I may be assuming people know things that they don't. Or I may assume people have a similar view to my own when I shouldn't make such an assumption.
When I replied to her first comment on my blog I made the observation that SOS was not about sex to me but about intimacy with God.
Her reply was as follows--
Brenda: "Wow, I don't think I found your blog my mistake either! I also need to get to a more intimate place with God. For quite awhile He has felt very distant even though I haven't given up pursuing Him by staying in the Word and prayer. It's been very frustrating to me. I'm looking forward to reading more of your thoughts on what you get from SOS. It is difficult to read about breasts, lips, mouth, tongue, thighs, and navel, and picturing God and me. It's much more fun imagining my husband in it. But, I'm going to give it a shot. Because you may just be on to something."
I'm very glad she brought this up. And please, those of you who check in here from time to time, bear with me as I try to explain this. I am getting to a very specific point. And it is about intimacy with God. But sometimes you have to wade through some stuff to get everyone on the same page, or at least in the same book.
As Brenda mentioned, breasts, lips, mouths, tongues, thighs, and navels are mentioned in this book. No wonder people immediately think about sex first thing. Especially in our sexually overcharged society. I mean, magazines and websites exist that are dedicated exclusively to large breasts. And sex is used to sell anything and everything. In a society such as ours, women can be viewed as sex objects. I mean, what other purpose is there for breasts than to attract men?
Well, actually, women's breasts do exist for something else besides sex. They exist for nursing babies. But with our sex oriented culture, it's hard for many to think of them for anything else. Women who want to nurse in public places, even discretely covered, are not looked upon favorably by many. Sometimes the outcry against such a thing is huge. Some people treat nursing as something nasty that needs to be hidden from the public eye. A private matter between a mother and her infant child. With this collective social attitude, no wonder many women resort to bottle feeding their babies. A gal might like to go out in public once in a while and feel caged within her home or have to run to a public restroom and sit on a toilet seat with no lid in order to nurse so as not to offend anybody.
Well, breasts have other uses besides sex, I think it's safe to say that lips, mouths, tongues, and thighs also have other uses. We don't need to automatically assume, sex.
I think you get my point. So enough of my nursing soapbox. That's not what this blog is about. What it is about is my journey out of bitterness.
When I started reading SOS I had no idea why God wanted me to study there.
But I was very much aware of something else.
I was aware that God uses symbols and pictures to reveal Himself to us and the relationship He wants to have with us.
~He uses sheep and Shepherd. He wants us to see His protection over us and how dependent we are on Him.
~He uses slaves/servants and Master. He wants us to see and respect Him as LORD.
~He uses children and Father. This is even as deeper and more intimate view than the servant/Master mode, as a child is more cared for than a servant or slave.
~He uses student/Teacher. We have a lot to learn from Him.
~Jesus, as the first born from the dead can also be looked upon as our older Brother. Hey, this is a good meditation. How do you think your life would be different if you had an older brother who was a prince or king? It would be a good thing if your brother liked you. Not so good if He didn't.
~After the disciples followed Jesus a while, He told them that they were no longer His servants, but His friends. This is definitely a step up.
~Then, of course, there is Jesus as the Bridegroom and the church as the bride. What greater place can there be than to be one with the Creator and Redeemer of the universe?
Of course, in this life, in this world, we can only see in a mirror dimly. In heaven we can see Him face to face.
But it is our job in this life, to try to get to know Him as best we can here. Why wouldn't we want to? After all, we will spend all eternity with Him. We shouldn't be practically strangers with Him when we die.
I had a friend who was orphaned very young. Because she had no earthly father, she meditate deeply on the fact that she had a heavenly Father. It brought her great comfort, made her feel loved and not rejected. But a mutual friend of ours pointed out to me that this orphaned friend was stunting her own spiritual growth by only focusing on one aspect of her relationship with God. She'd been in this place for years. She didn't need to let go of her understanding of Father. But she needed to not fear the deeper intimacy that God calls us all to.
It was from this perspective that I felt I should study SOS. And it is from this perspective that I'd like to share what I've learned so far.
And please, any one who checks in here, look at Brenda as a good example. If you don't understand something, or if I've not been clear, please ask me.
I am far from a perfect communicator. I may be assuming people know things that they don't. Or I may assume people have a similar view to my own when I shouldn't make such an assumption.
Friday, January 30, 2009
The Best of the Songs
Solomon wrote much of Proverbs.
He also wrote a lot of poetry and sayings.
From what I understand, only a very small part of all that Solomon wrote ended up in the Bible.
The first verse goes like this:
Song of Solomon 1:1 The song of songs, which is Solomon's.
In Hebrew, the saying, song of songs, is like saying the best of songs. Just as in Isaiah 6, the angels didn't just cry out, "holy is the Lord." They cried out "holy, holy, holy is the LORD God Almighty." One holy simply was not enough. God most certainly is three times holy. So saying that Song of Solomon is just a song, is not enough. It is the Song of Songs. It is the best.
Now, I don't know if SOS (Song of Solomon) is the best song written by Solomon, or if it is the best song written in it's day, or if it is the best song written ever. But at the very least, we should get that this was/is one awesome song, even if we don't understand every part of it.
Funny thing about this best of songs.
It was banned by certain Puritan groups in at least one of the original 13 colonies. Seems SOS wasn't just a bit racy for this 21st century gal. It was also a bit much for some of our earlier settlers.
And I had also heard that some Jewish sects did not allow their members to study SOS until they turned 30. They also thought it was a bit much, at least for the younger generation.
So it is safe to say that SOS is a controversial book.
Yet we must never forget that it is the Best of Songs and is worthy of our attention.
He also wrote a lot of poetry and sayings.
From what I understand, only a very small part of all that Solomon wrote ended up in the Bible.
The first verse goes like this:
Song of Solomon 1:1 The song of songs, which is Solomon's.
In Hebrew, the saying, song of songs, is like saying the best of songs. Just as in Isaiah 6, the angels didn't just cry out, "holy is the Lord." They cried out "holy, holy, holy is the LORD God Almighty." One holy simply was not enough. God most certainly is three times holy. So saying that Song of Solomon is just a song, is not enough. It is the Song of Songs. It is the best.
Now, I don't know if SOS (Song of Solomon) is the best song written by Solomon, or if it is the best song written in it's day, or if it is the best song written ever. But at the very least, we should get that this was/is one awesome song, even if we don't understand every part of it.
Funny thing about this best of songs.
It was banned by certain Puritan groups in at least one of the original 13 colonies. Seems SOS wasn't just a bit racy for this 21st century gal. It was also a bit much for some of our earlier settlers.
And I had also heard that some Jewish sects did not allow their members to study SOS until they turned 30. They also thought it was a bit much, at least for the younger generation.
So it is safe to say that SOS is a controversial book.
Yet we must never forget that it is the Best of Songs and is worthy of our attention.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
A Book in the Bible I Used to Avoid
In my Christian travels I spent a few years in a Word of Faith church back in the mid 80s. Yeah, you know, the name it and claim it bunch. Those blab it and grab it type people like Kenneth Copeland, Kenneth Hagin. You get the idea.
Well, with all that was wrong with that movement I can honestly tell you that I was glad for the time I spent in that church because of one very important thing. Their love for the word. This is not to say that other groups don't love the word, they do. But it was the right church for me at the right time.
Before I attended that Word of Faith church reading the Bible was something like reading the phone book. It was hard going and I didn't have a daily reading habit.
But in that Word of Faith church had a prayer line. They prayed for whoever came up front that they would have a hunger for the Word. I went up for prayer and it was wonderful after that. The Bible opened up to me and it was never like reading the phone book again.....
.....Except for one time after that.....
There was a time when I felt the Lord tell me specifically to start reading the Song of Solomon.
I didn't want to. And at first I didn't. My excuse?
"God, I don't want to read that book. It's too racy for this small town Midwestern girl. It's all about sex and it embarrasses me. It has verses like 'We have a little sister and she has no breasts'. What the heck am I supposed to do with that? Songs may have passed for poetry back in the Bible days but nowadays it's just weird to my Western Civilization ears."
(The reason I thought is was all about sex is because that is what all the sermons and books I'd ever seen and heard on it said it was about. BTW, I could probably count on one hand how many sermons and books I ever saw or read on Songs)
So I wouldn't read it. I refused.
But guess what happened.
The rest of the Bible was shut up to me so that it became like reading a phone book again. I could no longer draw spiritual life from all my old favorite verses. No matter where I read, it was flat. It made intellectual sense but did nothing for my spirit except one little ol' verse in the Psalms.
Psalm 2:12 Kiss the Son, lest He become angry with you, and you perish in the way.
For His wrath may soon be kindled. How blesses are all who take refuge in Him!
This verse jumped off the page at me. It was like firecrackers whereas the rest of the Bible was like wet wood or stone.
Some translations start off as -- Do homage to the Son, rather than Kiss the Son. And I heard at least one preacher say that the original Hebrew there for Kiss and Do homage have to do with worship, somehow.
So anyway, since reading this little ol' Psalm 2 verse made my spirit happy for reasons I couldn't explain, I decided it might be better if I go ahead and study Song of Solomon. What would it hurt?
Who, but God, knew how much the Songs would eventually mean to me.
If I ever write a non-fiction book about studying the Bible, I'll call it "Scriptures I Used to Avoid and How God Blessed Me With Them Anyway."
Just for those of you who don't know. Songs 1:2 goes like this:
"May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine."
And I found that the words contained in that book really were better than wine.
Well, with all that was wrong with that movement I can honestly tell you that I was glad for the time I spent in that church because of one very important thing. Their love for the word. This is not to say that other groups don't love the word, they do. But it was the right church for me at the right time.
Before I attended that Word of Faith church reading the Bible was something like reading the phone book. It was hard going and I didn't have a daily reading habit.
But in that Word of Faith church had a prayer line. They prayed for whoever came up front that they would have a hunger for the Word. I went up for prayer and it was wonderful after that. The Bible opened up to me and it was never like reading the phone book again.....
.....Except for one time after that.....
There was a time when I felt the Lord tell me specifically to start reading the Song of Solomon.
I didn't want to. And at first I didn't. My excuse?
"God, I don't want to read that book. It's too racy for this small town Midwestern girl. It's all about sex and it embarrasses me. It has verses like 'We have a little sister and she has no breasts'. What the heck am I supposed to do with that? Songs may have passed for poetry back in the Bible days but nowadays it's just weird to my Western Civilization ears."
(The reason I thought is was all about sex is because that is what all the sermons and books I'd ever seen and heard on it said it was about. BTW, I could probably count on one hand how many sermons and books I ever saw or read on Songs)
So I wouldn't read it. I refused.
But guess what happened.
The rest of the Bible was shut up to me so that it became like reading a phone book again. I could no longer draw spiritual life from all my old favorite verses. No matter where I read, it was flat. It made intellectual sense but did nothing for my spirit except one little ol' verse in the Psalms.
Psalm 2:12 Kiss the Son, lest He become angry with you, and you perish in the way.
For His wrath may soon be kindled. How blesses are all who take refuge in Him!
This verse jumped off the page at me. It was like firecrackers whereas the rest of the Bible was like wet wood or stone.
Some translations start off as -- Do homage to the Son, rather than Kiss the Son. And I heard at least one preacher say that the original Hebrew there for Kiss and Do homage have to do with worship, somehow.
So anyway, since reading this little ol' Psalm 2 verse made my spirit happy for reasons I couldn't explain, I decided it might be better if I go ahead and study Song of Solomon. What would it hurt?
Who, but God, knew how much the Songs would eventually mean to me.
If I ever write a non-fiction book about studying the Bible, I'll call it "Scriptures I Used to Avoid and How God Blessed Me With Them Anyway."
Just for those of you who don't know. Songs 1:2 goes like this:
"May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine."
And I found that the words contained in that book really were better than wine.
Friday, January 23, 2009
Do You Believe in Dreams? part 3
These dreams I am relating all occurred around the same time. I cannot tell you for sure which one came first or over what length of time passed between them (weeks? months? years?), but to the best of my remembering they happened roughly in the order given.
In the third dream I saw an apple tree in a yard. The apples were ripe and falling into the yard and onto the street. But it appeared that no one gathered them. Some of the apples sat in the grass only slightly bruised from the fall. Others were rotting and some nearly completely spoiled.
The apples that fell on the road and sidewalk hit harder and bruised worse. And some of these apples were completely smashed from being stepped on or run over by cars.
My thoughts in the dream ran along the lines of this: "What a waste. These apples could be put to good use. Even the half rotten apples have a good part left to them. The bad could be cut off and the good could be used for apple sauce or apple butter."
But then I looked at the house in the yard. I knew who lived there. It was a former pastor of mine who was spiritually abusive. I knew that if I went up and asked permission to gather the apples that he would refuse. He wouldn't just tell me no. He'd shame me for ever thinking that I had any right to those apples.
In the dream I went away sad.
When I woke, I remembered the dream with remorse for the loss of the fruit and the hardness of heart of the owner. As I meditated on it, some thoughts came to me.
First, why didn't I go ask the pastor anyway about the apples? I didn't even try.
My internal response was that I knew the owner, I knew his response, and I wasn't up for the battering that would follow.
Next the thought came to me, Who said he was the owner? Just because he lived there, that didn't mean he owned the house, the yard, the tree, or the fruit. I didn't even question.
I had no answer for this. I just assumed that since he lived there, he owned it.
The next thought was this: Just because he set himself up as the land owner does not make him the land owner. The house, the yard, the tree, the fruit all belong to God. And the former pastor was being a bad steward of the fruit falling from the tree. I needed to find out from God what he wanted done with the fruit, not someone who raises himself up as an authority based on bullying, and power posturing.
As a result, I gained a new sadness. A sadness over my attitude that resulted in further neglect of the apples. Fortunately it became a turning point. I began to see things differently.
Of the three dreams I have gotten more mileage out of this one than the other two, though I needed all three together, each for it's own purpose.
I've related the neglected apples to children both in and outside the church.
I've also related the apples to people's talents being neglected because of false teaching by those who have set themselves up as leadership/landowners.
But as one man said about dreams. Usually the dream is to the dreamer, about the dreamer.
God wanted me to see that I have neglected my own giftings and talents due to false teachings. Some of them are gender related. Others were for different reasons, all based on the leaderships' desire to control and limit.
I needed to start seeing that God wanted more from me than the limitations places on me by others. But what? Where do I start?
Lord willing, I hope to start again with scripture. Around the same time of the dreams I felt impressed to study scripture that I avoided before. The funny thing about it is at that I didn't see the connection between the dreams and the scriptures until later.
In the third dream I saw an apple tree in a yard. The apples were ripe and falling into the yard and onto the street. But it appeared that no one gathered them. Some of the apples sat in the grass only slightly bruised from the fall. Others were rotting and some nearly completely spoiled.
The apples that fell on the road and sidewalk hit harder and bruised worse. And some of these apples were completely smashed from being stepped on or run over by cars.
My thoughts in the dream ran along the lines of this: "What a waste. These apples could be put to good use. Even the half rotten apples have a good part left to them. The bad could be cut off and the good could be used for apple sauce or apple butter."
But then I looked at the house in the yard. I knew who lived there. It was a former pastor of mine who was spiritually abusive. I knew that if I went up and asked permission to gather the apples that he would refuse. He wouldn't just tell me no. He'd shame me for ever thinking that I had any right to those apples.
In the dream I went away sad.
When I woke, I remembered the dream with remorse for the loss of the fruit and the hardness of heart of the owner. As I meditated on it, some thoughts came to me.
First, why didn't I go ask the pastor anyway about the apples? I didn't even try.
My internal response was that I knew the owner, I knew his response, and I wasn't up for the battering that would follow.
Next the thought came to me, Who said he was the owner? Just because he lived there, that didn't mean he owned the house, the yard, the tree, or the fruit. I didn't even question.
I had no answer for this. I just assumed that since he lived there, he owned it.
The next thought was this: Just because he set himself up as the land owner does not make him the land owner. The house, the yard, the tree, the fruit all belong to God. And the former pastor was being a bad steward of the fruit falling from the tree. I needed to find out from God what he wanted done with the fruit, not someone who raises himself up as an authority based on bullying, and power posturing.
As a result, I gained a new sadness. A sadness over my attitude that resulted in further neglect of the apples. Fortunately it became a turning point. I began to see things differently.
Of the three dreams I have gotten more mileage out of this one than the other two, though I needed all three together, each for it's own purpose.
I've related the neglected apples to children both in and outside the church.
I've also related the apples to people's talents being neglected because of false teaching by those who have set themselves up as leadership/landowners.
But as one man said about dreams. Usually the dream is to the dreamer, about the dreamer.
God wanted me to see that I have neglected my own giftings and talents due to false teachings. Some of them are gender related. Others were for different reasons, all based on the leaderships' desire to control and limit.
I needed to start seeing that God wanted more from me than the limitations places on me by others. But what? Where do I start?
Lord willing, I hope to start again with scripture. Around the same time of the dreams I felt impressed to study scripture that I avoided before. The funny thing about it is at that I didn't see the connection between the dreams and the scriptures until later.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Do you Believe in Dreams? part 2
I had another dream around the same time period of the White Washed Tomb dream back in the 90s.
In the dream I picked up a little plastic toy. It was from a barnyard set, kinda like those little green army men, except instead of being army green it was closer to Crayola crayon green. It was a little sheep. It stood on three of its feet while one of the front legs was lifted slightly so that the hoof didn't touch the ground.
In the dream I didn't think much about the sheep and was ready to put it down. But a voice asked me, "What is it?"
"A sheep," I said and again wanted to put it down.
But the voice persisted. "What color is it?"
"Green," I answered. I tired of with what seemed like a kindergarten lesson and the dream ended.
Later, when I thought about the dream I realized the lesson in it.
When I first gave my heart to Jesus back in the early 80s, the group that led me to the Lord was concerned about people worshiping a real Jesus and not a plastic one. In fact, a woman in that church had a dream about Jesus coming to visit a Bible Study. He went about shaking people's hands. When he came to her she saw a seam up through his face and realized that he was plastic. She then understood that the people in her dream worshiped a molded form of the Messiah rather than knowing Him personally.
Then I realized that this little barn yard sheep symbolized a plastic Christian. The voice asked about the color so that I would remember it later. Green, especially in those days, symbolized to me life and growth. But green plastic is not alive and growing. It just makes a show that it is. It pretends
Just as people make Jesus out to be what they want rather than who He is, so do people make themselves out to what they think Jesus and the Church wants them to be. And they pressure each other to fill out a mold after their own ideal. It is a false growth and a false walk. The plastic sheep stood frozen in a stance like it was about to take a step. But it wasn't going anywhere.
Eventually I understood that this dream was not just about other people. It was about me. Because of my position as pastor's wife, and my position as a woman married to a high maintenance man with undiagnosed ADHD, I was pressed into a form that looked the part but was really false. It was not true. I even had a relationship with the Lord. But because of the bitterness I hid, even from myself, part of me was playacting the happy pastor's wife instead of dealing with the real issues in my marriage.
I had my meltdown sometime after that. Actually, I've had more than one meltdown. But that's okay. I hope each meltdown melts more of the plastic parts off of me. And if I need more meltdowns to rid myself of the green plastic syndrome, I will embrace them. Going through the fire doesn't scare me as much as it used to.
In the dream I picked up a little plastic toy. It was from a barnyard set, kinda like those little green army men, except instead of being army green it was closer to Crayola crayon green. It was a little sheep. It stood on three of its feet while one of the front legs was lifted slightly so that the hoof didn't touch the ground.
In the dream I didn't think much about the sheep and was ready to put it down. But a voice asked me, "What is it?"
"A sheep," I said and again wanted to put it down.
But the voice persisted. "What color is it?"
"Green," I answered. I tired of with what seemed like a kindergarten lesson and the dream ended.
Later, when I thought about the dream I realized the lesson in it.
When I first gave my heart to Jesus back in the early 80s, the group that led me to the Lord was concerned about people worshiping a real Jesus and not a plastic one. In fact, a woman in that church had a dream about Jesus coming to visit a Bible Study. He went about shaking people's hands. When he came to her she saw a seam up through his face and realized that he was plastic. She then understood that the people in her dream worshiped a molded form of the Messiah rather than knowing Him personally.
Then I realized that this little barn yard sheep symbolized a plastic Christian. The voice asked about the color so that I would remember it later. Green, especially in those days, symbolized to me life and growth. But green plastic is not alive and growing. It just makes a show that it is. It pretends
Just as people make Jesus out to be what they want rather than who He is, so do people make themselves out to what they think Jesus and the Church wants them to be. And they pressure each other to fill out a mold after their own ideal. It is a false growth and a false walk. The plastic sheep stood frozen in a stance like it was about to take a step. But it wasn't going anywhere.
Eventually I understood that this dream was not just about other people. It was about me. Because of my position as pastor's wife, and my position as a woman married to a high maintenance man with undiagnosed ADHD, I was pressed into a form that looked the part but was really false. It was not true. I even had a relationship with the Lord. But because of the bitterness I hid, even from myself, part of me was playacting the happy pastor's wife instead of dealing with the real issues in my marriage.
I had my meltdown sometime after that. Actually, I've had more than one meltdown. But that's okay. I hope each meltdown melts more of the plastic parts off of me. And if I need more meltdowns to rid myself of the green plastic syndrome, I will embrace them. Going through the fire doesn't scare me as much as it used to.
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