The Problem with Promise Keepers

I've written on this before. I will probably do so again.

Bonding in the Bleachers

Promise Keepers promotes hierarchy as the answer to the issues of family. But when my husband came home he wanted to exert his 'authority' over me and it created more problems than what we had before.

The problem with Promise Keepers is that it has a problem with power. It has a un-biblical devotion to hierarchy that sows discord.

An Old Article from Christianity Today

I'll link it here for those who have not seen it yet.
I like this author's approach and brief history of the men's movement.
Jesus for Real Men

Promise Keepers, the Shepherding Movement, and Sowing to the Wind

For those who are unaware of the Shepherding Movement here is a brief definition of it:

The Shepherding Movement


The article that I linked to in my previous post connects Promise Keepers, a 1990s organization, to the Shepherding Movement of the 70s and early 80s.

These principles and structure, which are similar to the shepherding/discipleship model of the Word of God, would take years to implement and introduce a highly disciplined group. Most men drawn to Promise Keepers have probably never heard of shepherding/discipleship (which, in 1995, was still not widely known even within the evangelical community) and may be deeply offended if they experience the degree of manipulation and control (to which they may be "submitting" themselves and their families) that has occurred in many shepherding/disciple situations.

Taken from this link:
Christian Soldiers for Theocracy under the heading "Something Like Punching You Lights Out".

And a Promise Keeper spokes person used similar language back in the 90s that Mark Driscoll uses today.
"All of our success here is contingent upon men taking part in small groups when they return home," Promise Keepers spokesman Steve Chavis told Christianity Today. Less elegantly, Dave Wardell, the national coordinator for local leaders, explains, "I can go home and maybe still be the same guy after a conference. But if I have another guy calling up, holding me accountable, asking, `How are you treating your wife? Are you still cheating on your income taxes? Are you looking at your secretaries with lust?' it makes a difference. I don't think a woman would get in my face, go toe to toe with a guy, whereas a guy could tell me, `I don't like it. And if you don't listen to me, I'll punch your lights out.' Something like that."
(Also taken from article linked above also under the heading "Something Like Punching Your Lights Out".)

And here is Mark Driscoll using that similar language which he thinks it brilliant:

"I Break Their Nose."

Folks, the Shepherding Movement is not dead. It just changed it's name, existed in Promise Keepers and is now alive and well in many places, including Mars Hill.

Promise Keepers Hurt My Marriage

When my husband had the opportunity to go to Promise Keepers over fifteen years ago, I sent him with my blessing not knowing what they were filling his head with.

I am a woman that likes men. I like fellowshipping with them. I want them to be encouraged and strengthened and to grow in confidence in who they are. And that is what I thought Promise Keepers was. I was wrong.

My husband and I got along fairly well before Promise Keepers. But after he came back, issues we never had before began to crop up. When we got into disagreements, all of the sudden he started playing the "You aren't being submissive" card. For a long time I had no clue of the connection between his trip to Promise Keepers and this new tactic in arguments.

Now, many years later, I'm seeing that connection. I'm sorry I ever sent him to Promise Keepers. Instead of being a place of blessing they pretended to be, it was a den of thieves. They stole the heart of my loving man and turned him into a "I'm the one that wears the pants in this family" kind of guy.

So what did they teach my man back in the 90s that set him backwards in his walk with the Lord? Lots of bad things.

Here's what Tony Evens told him:
“The first thing you do is sit down with your wife and say something like this: `Honey, I've made a terrible mistake. I've given you my role. I gave up leading this family, and I forced you to take my place. Now I must reclaim this role.' Don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. I'm not suggesting that you ask for your role back. I'm urging you to take it back.” He went on to say, “If you simply ask for it back, your wife is likely to refuse...Unfortunately, there can be no compromise here.” 


I wouldn't be surprised if the great comp leaders of today all went to Promise Keepers meetings. Leaders like Driscoll, Piper, Wilson, Baucham, Grudem Challis, etc.
I'm sure they went to those meetings or read those books. Because they are saying the same things and hurting countless other marriages.

Thanks for nothing, Promise Keepers.

For more on what was wrong with Promise Keepers, search the web or follow these links:
http://www.publiceye.org/eyes/promkeep.html

http://www.publiceye.org/ifas/fw/9609/promise.html