Two months ago, a comment was left on the 2012 post, Voddie Baucham Is Sexist, by Ship Wreck. Ship Wreck sounds like a little Reformer who is fit to be tied. This Reformer is angry with me concerning my assessment of Voddie. I find the comment hilarious. Ship Wreck makes the most outlandish assumptions possible.
Ship Wreck assumes that I "as a female" am single with no intention of getting married or having kids.
That's funny. Because I've been married for over 30 years and have had four children, all grown now.
Ship Wreck assumes that I have had at least one abortion and have slept with at least ten men.
Wow, Ship Wreck. Way off. I've only ever slept with one man. Didn't sleep with him until after we were married. And I've had zero abortions.
Ship Wreck assumes that I am on birth control, like that is evil or something.
Sorry, Ship Wreck. Don't need birth control. Ever heard of menopause?
Ship Wreck assumes that my parents are divorced and I was never disciplined.
Well, Shippy. I gotta tell ya. I lost my father two years ago. If he were still alive, he and my mother would be celebrating their 60 year anniversary in August. Also, my dad was one of those fathers that told me that spanking me was going to hurt him more than me. I fully believed him because I was very much a daddy's girl. I miss him a great deal. There is nothing you can say that will diminish him in my eyes or in the eyes of God whom he served. The board of directors for the home for pregnant girls seeking to avoid abortions (that he once served on) would agree.
Ship Wreck assumes that I'm addicted to something. If coffee counts, then Shippy is correct on at least this one.
Ship Wreck assumes that I suffer from anxiety, depression, or ADD.
Well, as far as I know, I don't. But in my job, I do work with young people suffering these things. I work closely with them to help them overcome so they can grow up to live fulfilling lives. I prefer to work with people to help them overcome such obstacles. Shippy wants to accuse people of having these maladies and uses such accusation as bludgeoning weapons against people that disagree with Voddie. Nice, Shippy. Perhaps now you might understand why I have no respect for your comment and little respect for you. However, I'm not going to lower myself to your way-less-than-Christlike level because Jesus does love you no matter how misguided you are in trying to serve Him.
Then Ship Wreck instructs me to read the book of Ephesians in one sitting, which I have done before. I probably will again, sometime. But it isn't coming up right away in my scheduled Bible reading time. Right now I am in John, Romans, Psalms, and Isaiah. There is a lot of Bible to read and a lot of context to get. Context is key.
Speaking of Ephesians, I have, on more that one occasion, instructed women to read this book. But I have told them to go ahead and skip the part where Paul addresses the Aristotle Household Code. Not because that part is wrong. It is right as rain. Paul does an amazing job turning that old code on it's head using the grace and love of God. But Paul's response to Aristotle's Household Code has been misunderstood, misinterpreted, and used as a bludgeoning tool against women by abusive husbands and pastors for hundreds of years causing bitterness and severe PTSD.
As mentioned in the previous post, I am heart-sick over all the bitterness caused by the errant teachings of men like Voddie. I've said it before. I will say it again. Voddie is sexist and interprets the Bible in a way that raises men and fathers up as idols and oppresses women and mothers down to doormats making both ineffective and unable to produce spiritual fruit.
Ship Wreck is in agreement with Voddie. Ship Wreck is wrong on all assumptions concerning me (except about coffee). Ship Wreck and Voddie have a broken and bitter understanding of scripture that leads to shipwrecked faith. May God lead them out of the darkness that has defiled and devastated countless lives.
Showing posts with label Bitterness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bitterness. Show all posts
Monday, June 3, 2019
Friday, December 27, 2013
Former Porn Star Speaks Out.
Don't go here if talk of porn offends you.
But do go here if you are under the delusion that porn is glamorous and that the girls in the pictures and videos are actually enjoying what it going on.
The truth about porn with Tamra Toryn.
But do go here if you are under the delusion that porn is glamorous and that the girls in the pictures and videos are actually enjoying what it going on.
The truth about porn with Tamra Toryn.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The Word "Bitter"
Debra Baker posted and article on her blog called:
Bitter and Male Privilege
It is a very good analysis of how certain words are used to try to kick the legs out from under legitimate gripes.
Bitter and Male Privilege
It is a very good analysis of how certain words are used to try to kick the legs out from under legitimate gripes.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Driscoll's Bitter Waters Spewed out by Amy
Men like Driscoll have no clue how they have muddied the waters for women with their teachings. They have no idea that they have taken the sweet Living Water that Jesus gives us and turned it into bitter waters. These bitter waters need to be thrown out, rejected, spit out of women's mouths because they are toxic.
For those who haven't read this yet, here is Amy's story:
EXORCISM AT MARS HILL: One Woman's Story
This story shows the blatant disregard that Driscoll has for the hearts of women
Now a blast from the past.
I mention this disregard that Driscoll has for the hearts of women back in 2009. I noticed it in his teaching on the Song of Solomon.
Here's a quote from my July 30, 2009 blog post:
"Because SOS is not JUST about the male pov. Neither is it about the female pov that men approve of and want to see (more on this in a later post). It is also about the wounded female heart that many men don't want to see and gloss over as though such a thing doesn't exist. Or if it does, it is somehow the woman's own fault and she just needs to shape up, all the while serving the man with a sweet disposition.
"Yes, I've heard messages from preachers about bitter women. I've heard the rebukes and criticisms, and blaming that these senseless preachers freely pour out on already wounded hearts. I've heard about the merciless shaming of pastor's wives who "let themselves go". What do these men know about a woman's heart? Nothing.
"They know nothing because they do not care. The heart of a woman is of little value to them. They care about the outward rather than the inward. If the outward is not seemly enough, then let the ridicule fly. If the outward attitude is not sweet, then run her off and call her Jezebel since she is of no use to the man and not worth the trouble.
"Thank God, He knows everything about women. Thank God, He cares deeply about every wound. Thank God, He sees past the sometimes prickly self-defenses of a wounded woman and seeks after her heart. He poured Himself out generously to heal and comfort every woman cursed and spoken against by self-righteous preachers, supposed brothers, false shepherds who attack the ewes to garner favor with the rams."
Here's where I said this:
Manipulating Scripture for Personal Benefit
For those who haven't read this yet, here is Amy's story:
EXORCISM AT MARS HILL: One Woman's Story
This story shows the blatant disregard that Driscoll has for the hearts of women
Now a blast from the past.
I mention this disregard that Driscoll has for the hearts of women back in 2009. I noticed it in his teaching on the Song of Solomon.
Here's a quote from my July 30, 2009 blog post:
"Because SOS is not JUST about the male pov. Neither is it about the female pov that men approve of and want to see (more on this in a later post). It is also about the wounded female heart that many men don't want to see and gloss over as though such a thing doesn't exist. Or if it does, it is somehow the woman's own fault and she just needs to shape up, all the while serving the man with a sweet disposition.
"Yes, I've heard messages from preachers about bitter women. I've heard the rebukes and criticisms, and blaming that these senseless preachers freely pour out on already wounded hearts. I've heard about the merciless shaming of pastor's wives who "let themselves go". What do these men know about a woman's heart? Nothing.
"They know nothing because they do not care. The heart of a woman is of little value to them. They care about the outward rather than the inward. If the outward is not seemly enough, then let the ridicule fly. If the outward attitude is not sweet, then run her off and call her Jezebel since she is of no use to the man and not worth the trouble.
"Thank God, He knows everything about women. Thank God, He cares deeply about every wound. Thank God, He sees past the sometimes prickly self-defenses of a wounded woman and seeks after her heart. He poured Himself out generously to heal and comfort every woman cursed and spoken against by self-righteous preachers, supposed brothers, false shepherds who attack the ewes to garner favor with the rams."
Here's where I said this:
Manipulating Scripture for Personal Benefit
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Notes on Christian Baal Worship Today
I was checking the Archives of "The Commandments of Men" blog and stumbled on this written back in July of 2010. Now this is in relation to the patriarchy movement that has swept through the home school movement and which is now making it's way into main stream Christianity.
Please note that while the stark example of patriarchy given by Lewis is pretty extreme, the more subtle, softer patriarchy and chauvinism/misogyny promoted by Mark Driscoll and Mars Hill is just as destructive, perhaps even more so due to the fact that it is only about half as extreme as the expression Lewis describes.
But still, the worship of Baal (Master) is there. Women are not allowed outside the box that their masters, or Baals (the men, Mark in particular) have built for them. Women not submitting to Baal worship or worship of men are called Satanic.
Some may call this connection a bit extreme. All I have to say is that Christian teaching that promotes the fear of men or puts men's cultural preferences over and above the freedom offered by Christ,... calling that teaching Baal worship once in a while might get someone's attention and help them realize the severity of the issue.
We are to preach Jesus Christ and Him crucified. We are not to add our own prejudices and cultural preferences to it and call that part of the Gospel. In doing this, we mix in bitter waters to the Living Water and contaminate it.
Friday, October 7, 2011
On Coming Posts
I started this blog sometime ago and named it, "From Bitter Waters to Sweet" for a reason. Okay, the initial reason was because it was an assignment for a class. But as I tried to come up with a topic or theme, I kept coming up dry so I had to think, "What really lights my fire?"
Well, one of the things that lights it is the combination of my love for God and the Scriptures and my repulsion, disgust, and sometimes shock at how people mess with God's word to make it into something else. How they form the scripture after their own hearts rather than allowing the scripture to get a hold of their hearts and change them.
This blog also has become a way for me to express my journey from bitter waters to sweet. I write in hopes to continue the journey and to share with others some of the things that I have learned along the way.
This journey has taken me to some very unexpected places in the Bible. One of those places is the book, "The Song of Solomon" affectionately referred to as SOS.
Those of my readers who have been with me a long time have seen my angry and very sharp reaction to some faulty teachings on SOS. I actually had a pretty violent reaction that I leave up for the sake of posterity. My anger had been softened over time even though the teachings still disgust me. The reason they disgust me is because they steal away the healing properties of SOS for the wounded and bitter soul and turn SOS into the Christian husband's manual for turning his Christian wife into his own private porn star so he doesn't have to deal with his porn issues and poor attitude towards sex and twisted view of what women are for.
Okay, I admit it. I still have some serious attitude. But I'm happy to say that I've come in contact with someone who is able to cut through the garbage of the pornification of SOS to the root of the problem. He deals with the issue deeply and thoroughly and in a manner that kicks the legs out from under this popular teaching that is perverting the hearts of many people.
Next post, I'll introduce you to my new friend and tell you a little bit about him and how and why he qualifies to take on this serious topic far better than me.
Well, one of the things that lights it is the combination of my love for God and the Scriptures and my repulsion, disgust, and sometimes shock at how people mess with God's word to make it into something else. How they form the scripture after their own hearts rather than allowing the scripture to get a hold of their hearts and change them.
This blog also has become a way for me to express my journey from bitter waters to sweet. I write in hopes to continue the journey and to share with others some of the things that I have learned along the way.
This journey has taken me to some very unexpected places in the Bible. One of those places is the book, "The Song of Solomon" affectionately referred to as SOS.
Those of my readers who have been with me a long time have seen my angry and very sharp reaction to some faulty teachings on SOS. I actually had a pretty violent reaction that I leave up for the sake of posterity. My anger had been softened over time even though the teachings still disgust me. The reason they disgust me is because they steal away the healing properties of SOS for the wounded and bitter soul and turn SOS into the Christian husband's manual for turning his Christian wife into his own private porn star so he doesn't have to deal with his porn issues and poor attitude towards sex and twisted view of what women are for.
Okay, I admit it. I still have some serious attitude. But I'm happy to say that I've come in contact with someone who is able to cut through the garbage of the pornification of SOS to the root of the problem. He deals with the issue deeply and thoroughly and in a manner that kicks the legs out from under this popular teaching that is perverting the hearts of many people.
Next post, I'll introduce you to my new friend and tell you a little bit about him and how and why he qualifies to take on this serious topic far better than me.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
You Have Also Heard It Said
I'm going to pick on a specific thing that a specific small-minded man is quoted as saying. Mark Driscoll might be considered patriarchy light or medium to strong comp. Yet what he says is pretty standard fare among those involved in these teaching. He is just more bold in his presentation. He is quoted as saying:
"Women will be saved by going back to that role that God has chosen for them. Ladies, if the hair on the back of your neck stands up it is because you are fighting your role in the scripture.”
Now let's look at what Jesus said.
Luke 11:27 While Jesus was saying these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, “Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which You nursed.” 28 But He said, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it.”
A woman in the crowd is so moved by what Jesus said that she cries out, "Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which you nursed."
She could not think outside her role or her body parts because that is all she had known. The highest blessing any woman could ever have is to be related to a great man, like Jesus. And the highest relationship that a woman can have with any man is to be his mother.
Jesus answer to her, contrary to some teaching, was NOT to diminish motherhood or women. It was to remove the eyes of those listening from the cultural restrictions on gender and to the freedom of the Spirit beyond gender constraints.
Women, contrary to what Driscoll and other teach, are not saved by fulfilling a role. They are not saved by using their female body parts to serve others. They are blessed and saved by...
Wait for it...
Hearing the Word of God and observing it. The same way men are blessed and saved. What a concept!
Now, if part of the word of God that Jesus was concerned about was about gender, don't you think He would have used this teachable moment with this woman to re-enforce the need for her to fulfill her role so she could be saved?
Yet, amazingly, He undercuts gender and role requirements of the culture and makes all things level and equal.
All people, male and female, are blessed by hearing the Word of God and observing it. They are not saved by playing a role.
Dear Mark Driscoll, the hair on the back of our necks is not standing up because we are fighting God. It is because you are presenting a false gospel and you are defiling the pure gospel with bitter teaching. You are falsely accusing women of fighting against God when the truth is, you misrepresent God.
Please, Mr. Driscoll, stop building your doctrinal house on the sand of the traditions of men and find the bedrock of Jesus Christ who you claim to serve. Where women, gender, and roles are concerned, you are a false shepherd preaching bitterness and misrepresenting it as sweet.
"Women will be saved by going back to that role that God has chosen for them. Ladies, if the hair on the back of your neck stands up it is because you are fighting your role in the scripture.”
Now let's look at what Jesus said.
Luke 11:27 While Jesus was saying these things, one of the women in the crowd raised her voice and said to Him, “Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which You nursed.” 28 But He said, “On the contrary, blessed are those who hear the word of God and observe it.”
A woman in the crowd is so moved by what Jesus said that she cries out, "Blessed is the womb that bore You and the breasts at which you nursed."
She could not think outside her role or her body parts because that is all she had known. The highest blessing any woman could ever have is to be related to a great man, like Jesus. And the highest relationship that a woman can have with any man is to be his mother.
Jesus answer to her, contrary to some teaching, was NOT to diminish motherhood or women. It was to remove the eyes of those listening from the cultural restrictions on gender and to the freedom of the Spirit beyond gender constraints.
Women, contrary to what Driscoll and other teach, are not saved by fulfilling a role. They are not saved by using their female body parts to serve others. They are blessed and saved by...
Wait for it...
Hearing the Word of God and observing it. The same way men are blessed and saved. What a concept!
Now, if part of the word of God that Jesus was concerned about was about gender, don't you think He would have used this teachable moment with this woman to re-enforce the need for her to fulfill her role so she could be saved?
Yet, amazingly, He undercuts gender and role requirements of the culture and makes all things level and equal.
All people, male and female, are blessed by hearing the Word of God and observing it. They are not saved by playing a role.
Dear Mark Driscoll, the hair on the back of our necks is not standing up because we are fighting God. It is because you are presenting a false gospel and you are defiling the pure gospel with bitter teaching. You are falsely accusing women of fighting against God when the truth is, you misrepresent God.
Please, Mr. Driscoll, stop building your doctrinal house on the sand of the traditions of men and find the bedrock of Jesus Christ who you claim to serve. Where women, gender, and roles are concerned, you are a false shepherd preaching bitterness and misrepresenting it as sweet.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Men Defining Sweet for Women
This blog is called from Bitter Waters to Sweet because one of its purposes is to deal with the bitter issues facing women and how they can move from a place of bitterness to a place of sweetness in the Lord.
There are many obstacles in the way, but I want to focus on one in particular.
One of the major obstacles is when women let certain men define what sweetness is for women.
We touched on it in the past in my dealing with the Song of Solomon and one man's determination to make a verse from a woman's point of view all about something that many men like, in particular what he thought would be sweet for a woman to do for him. Since it is pretty much R rated, we won't cover it again.
But now I've found another place where a man has decided to define 'sweet' for women. I mentioned this man in the previous post. His name is John Piper and there is a link to a video of him talking about what a woman's submission to an abusive man would look like.
Around the two minute mark of this video he begins to model a very sweet speech that he expects a woman to follow if her husband is pressuring her into gross sin. It goes like this.
Honey, I want so much to follow you as my leader. God calls me to do that and I would love to do that. It would be sweet to me if I could enjoy your leadership. But if you ask me to do this, require this of me, then I can't. I can't go there.
Rather than allowing a woman a natural, angry response to a man pushing her into gross sin, she has to detour and talk about wanting him as her leader, enjoying his leadership and even saying that it would be sweet for her to enjoy his leadership.
John Piper does not allow women to be human and react against men who are hurting them. They can't be honest and say, "You are hurting me. You are sinning against me and God. You are hurting yourself. You are being selfish and self-centered. Stop it! Stop it now! Get out of my house and out of my face until you repent from your wicked ways..." or any other of a number of normal, healthy, angry, human responses to blatant wickedness.
No, he doesn't allow a woman to do that. If she does that, she is going against God's plan of joyful submission. Instead, she is to tell him how sweet it would be if she could enjoy his leadership.
Is it sweet for women to enjoy the leadership of men?
Piper doesn't know. He's never lived it. He can't attest to it.
All he knows is how sweet it is for men to have submissive little wives who are trained on how NOT to be honest and open about their own pain and how NOT to confront blatant sin in a man who is abusing them.
I'm sure this is a very sweet deal for men.
But they should not make the mistake thinking that if something is sweet for them, this automatically makes it sweet for women. It doesn't work that way. No matter how much Piper wants it to work that way, it simply doesn't.
Let me tell you one thing that, as a woman, I have found to be sweet. It is sweet for women to have the freedom to be human and have healthy human responses to gross sin and abuse. What is sweet to women is having the freedom to be honest about their pain and how bitter things really are. Then once a woman has the chance to deal with her bitterness and with what is causing the bitterness rather than have to lie about it, bury it, and worst of all, call it sweet, she can sweep away male definitions of sweetness and male expectations and turn to God Who offers true sweetness.
Sorry Piper. You have no authority to define sweet for me or any other woman.
But my God is intimately acquainted with me. And as Jesus, He has experienced the oppression of men and has even died at their hands. He has known my bitterness and more. And He knows what true sweetness is and how to make my bitter waters sweet.
He has the authority in this, Piper. Not you.
There are many obstacles in the way, but I want to focus on one in particular.
One of the major obstacles is when women let certain men define what sweetness is for women.
We touched on it in the past in my dealing with the Song of Solomon and one man's determination to make a verse from a woman's point of view all about something that many men like, in particular what he thought would be sweet for a woman to do for him. Since it is pretty much R rated, we won't cover it again.
But now I've found another place where a man has decided to define 'sweet' for women. I mentioned this man in the previous post. His name is John Piper and there is a link to a video of him talking about what a woman's submission to an abusive man would look like.
Around the two minute mark of this video he begins to model a very sweet speech that he expects a woman to follow if her husband is pressuring her into gross sin. It goes like this.
Honey, I want so much to follow you as my leader. God calls me to do that and I would love to do that. It would be sweet to me if I could enjoy your leadership. But if you ask me to do this, require this of me, then I can't. I can't go there.
Rather than allowing a woman a natural, angry response to a man pushing her into gross sin, she has to detour and talk about wanting him as her leader, enjoying his leadership and even saying that it would be sweet for her to enjoy his leadership.
John Piper does not allow women to be human and react against men who are hurting them. They can't be honest and say, "You are hurting me. You are sinning against me and God. You are hurting yourself. You are being selfish and self-centered. Stop it! Stop it now! Get out of my house and out of my face until you repent from your wicked ways..." or any other of a number of normal, healthy, angry, human responses to blatant wickedness.
No, he doesn't allow a woman to do that. If she does that, she is going against God's plan of joyful submission. Instead, she is to tell him how sweet it would be if she could enjoy his leadership.
Is it sweet for women to enjoy the leadership of men?
Piper doesn't know. He's never lived it. He can't attest to it.
All he knows is how sweet it is for men to have submissive little wives who are trained on how NOT to be honest and open about their own pain and how NOT to confront blatant sin in a man who is abusing them.
I'm sure this is a very sweet deal for men.
But they should not make the mistake thinking that if something is sweet for them, this automatically makes it sweet for women. It doesn't work that way. No matter how much Piper wants it to work that way, it simply doesn't.
Let me tell you one thing that, as a woman, I have found to be sweet. It is sweet for women to have the freedom to be human and have healthy human responses to gross sin and abuse. What is sweet to women is having the freedom to be honest about their pain and how bitter things really are. Then once a woman has the chance to deal with her bitterness and with what is causing the bitterness rather than have to lie about it, bury it, and worst of all, call it sweet, she can sweep away male definitions of sweetness and male expectations and turn to God Who offers true sweetness.
Sorry Piper. You have no authority to define sweet for me or any other woman.
But my God is intimately acquainted with me. And as Jesus, He has experienced the oppression of men and has even died at their hands. He has known my bitterness and more. And He knows what true sweetness is and how to make my bitter waters sweet.
He has the authority in this, Piper. Not you.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
What May Have Made Me Bitter
In my travels through the blog world I have noted that there are women who blog about difficult situations in their lives. They do it to log their journey of coping and healing.
Two that I can think of are:
http://rantingbetty.wordpress.com/
http://hupotasso.wordpress.com/
The first one, Betty's Rambling Blog, is Betty dealing with her husband's Multiple Personality Disorder.
The second, A Wife's Submission, is Charis/Gem chronicling her struggle of coming to terms with her husband's bad behavior, possibly caused by Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Why do I bring this up?
It's because I relate. I have had to learn how to deal with my husband's Adult ADHD.
Betty asks herself on her blog how she could be married to a man for 25 years and not know he had Multiple Personality Disorder.
My husband and I struggled for close to 17 years before he was diagnosed.
We both knew something was wrong but we didn't know what. My husband used to blame me for things I couldn't help. Unwittingly, he subject me to verbal and emotional abuse because his ADHD messed with his mind, made him frustrated and he turned on the one closest to him. Me.
Now we both know what was going on. But we are still recovering from our former ignorance. He presently is not going to church and doesn't have a lot of good things to say about church or Christians in general. He plays music with a band in bars instead of leading praise and worship in church like he used to. He drinks and smokes too much and my children and I are concerned for his health.
But the good news is that we both understand his disorder better. He's not so quick to blame me. He's better at saying that, yes he is very frustrated but it's not my fault.
One might ask, how can you live with a man for 17 years and not know he has Adult ADHD? And that is a very good question that I don't have an easy answer for.
However, since the name of this blog is From Bitter Waters to Sweet, a better question might be: "Why didn't I know that I was bitter about it?"
It seems that as a brain or personality disorder can fly just below the radar, so can bitterness. And I imagine that I'm not the only woman who has been in denial about bitterness in this world.
I am very glad that God was not content to let me stay in my denied bitterness. I'm glad He saw fit to show me that it existed even though I fought so hard not to see it. And this is what I want to blog about. Not my husband's ADHD, but my journey out of bitterness.
Two that I can think of are:
http://rantingbetty.wordpress.com/
http://hupotasso.wordpress.com/
The first one, Betty's Rambling Blog, is Betty dealing with her husband's Multiple Personality Disorder.
The second, A Wife's Submission, is Charis/Gem chronicling her struggle of coming to terms with her husband's bad behavior, possibly caused by Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Why do I bring this up?
It's because I relate. I have had to learn how to deal with my husband's Adult ADHD.
Betty asks herself on her blog how she could be married to a man for 25 years and not know he had Multiple Personality Disorder.
My husband and I struggled for close to 17 years before he was diagnosed.
We both knew something was wrong but we didn't know what. My husband used to blame me for things I couldn't help. Unwittingly, he subject me to verbal and emotional abuse because his ADHD messed with his mind, made him frustrated and he turned on the one closest to him. Me.
Now we both know what was going on. But we are still recovering from our former ignorance. He presently is not going to church and doesn't have a lot of good things to say about church or Christians in general. He plays music with a band in bars instead of leading praise and worship in church like he used to. He drinks and smokes too much and my children and I are concerned for his health.
But the good news is that we both understand his disorder better. He's not so quick to blame me. He's better at saying that, yes he is very frustrated but it's not my fault.
One might ask, how can you live with a man for 17 years and not know he has Adult ADHD? And that is a very good question that I don't have an easy answer for.
However, since the name of this blog is From Bitter Waters to Sweet, a better question might be: "Why didn't I know that I was bitter about it?"
It seems that as a brain or personality disorder can fly just below the radar, so can bitterness. And I imagine that I'm not the only woman who has been in denial about bitterness in this world.
I am very glad that God was not content to let me stay in my denied bitterness. I'm glad He saw fit to show me that it existed even though I fought so hard not to see it. And this is what I want to blog about. Not my husband's ADHD, but my journey out of bitterness.
Monday, January 5, 2009
A Word or Two From Job on Bitterness
~Job 9:18 [God] will not allow me to get my breath, But saturates me with bitterness.
~Job 10:1 I loath my own life; I will give full vent to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.
~Job 13:26 For Thou dost write bitter things against me. And dost make me to inherit the iniquities of my youth.
~Job 27:2 As God lives, who has taken away my right, And the Almighty, who has embittered my soul.
Note that Job said that he would speak in the bitterness of his soul. Bitter things happened to him and he felt confident enough that he could confess his bitterness. Even in the face of well-meaning but misguided friends, he did not hold in his bitterness. He gave full vent to his complaint. Something was terribly wrong and the answer was not to just paint on a smile and pretend his world wasn't falling apart.
Too many abused women in the church have been told to paint on a smile and bury their bitterness. Too many abused women have not been allowed to speak about their bitterness. Too many abused women in the church have been surrounded by "Job's comforters" in their times of deep need. Internally they were bleeding and dying on the Jericho road and needed someone to pour in the oil and the wine. Instead, they were sent away with a, "Be filled, Be comforted" message, or worse, a "What did you do to bring this upon yourself?" message.
My prayer for 2009 is that the church will stop this madness of ignoring and enabling abuse and to face it head on. And this goes for abused men as well as women.
~Job 10:1 I loath my own life; I will give full vent to my complaint; I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.
~Job 13:26 For Thou dost write bitter things against me. And dost make me to inherit the iniquities of my youth.
~Job 27:2 As God lives, who has taken away my right, And the Almighty, who has embittered my soul.
Note that Job said that he would speak in the bitterness of his soul. Bitter things happened to him and he felt confident enough that he could confess his bitterness. Even in the face of well-meaning but misguided friends, he did not hold in his bitterness. He gave full vent to his complaint. Something was terribly wrong and the answer was not to just paint on a smile and pretend his world wasn't falling apart.
Too many abused women in the church have been told to paint on a smile and bury their bitterness. Too many abused women have not been allowed to speak about their bitterness. Too many abused women in the church have been surrounded by "Job's comforters" in their times of deep need. Internally they were bleeding and dying on the Jericho road and needed someone to pour in the oil and the wine. Instead, they were sent away with a, "Be filled, Be comforted" message, or worse, a "What did you do to bring this upon yourself?" message.
My prayer for 2009 is that the church will stop this madness of ignoring and enabling abuse and to face it head on. And this goes for abused men as well as women.
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
The Fear of God, part 4
So what does the fear of God have to do with the journey from bitter to sweet? More than what most people know.
David dealt with this issue and wrote about it in Psalm 73.
In verses 2 & 3 he confessed:
~"But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped. For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked."
He then went on to talk about how the wicked get away with stuff with apparently no repercussions.
Often this is how an abused person feels. Their abuser carries on abuse with no one stepping in to stop them. Not the church. Not God. Not anyone.
The abused who have feared God and tried to do what God wanted in the face of abuse may feel the way David felt when he said in verses 13 &14:
~"Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency. For all day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning."
David could not understand how things could work the way they did. He said in verse 16:
~"When I thought to know (understand) this, it was too painful for me:"
Yet in verses 17-20 he turned to God and things were made clear.
~"Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end. Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction. How they are brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors. As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awaketh; thou shalt despise their image."
So, here I have scriptural verification for the experiences I explained in part 2 and part 3 of these Fear of God posts.
David, 1000s of years ago, Betsy, several decades ago, and little ol' me received revelations on the precarious position of the wicked. These were revelations we needed because the situations we witnessed appeared to be unjust. But God, in His mercy and concern for us, made known to us, not to envy the wicked. They have put themselves in a bad place, no matter how it looks.
Here's what all this has to do with bitterness. In verses 21-24 David looks back on the bitterness he felt watching the wicked prosper:
~"Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins. [NAS translated it this way--When my heart was embittered, And I was pierced from within], So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before Thee. Nevertheless I am continually with Thee: Thou hast holden me by my right hand. Thou shalt guide me with Thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory."
This is such a wonderful promise to those who are bitter. God doesn't let go. Even when we are foolish and senseless like an animal in our bitterness, He still holds us by the hand and guides us by His counsel out of the place of bitterness and into the place of glory.
One of the first steps out of bitterness is to understand that the unrepentant wickedness of another will not go unpunished. They must either repent or face the music.
When we get this. When we see that God is just, it is much easier to release the wicked into God's hand and believe that vengeance really does belong to the Lord. We do not have to hold onto bitterness. We can trust the Lord to do what is right.
And hopefully we can take the next step and start praying for the wicked that they will escape judgement by repenting with tears.
It's hard to pray for our oppressors when we are bitter. Our prayers will be more pure and God-like if we can pray from the place of glory God has for us.
David dealt with this issue and wrote about it in Psalm 73.
In verses 2 & 3 he confessed:
~"But as for me, my feet were almost gone; my steps had well nigh slipped. For I was envious at the foolish, when I saw the prosperity of the wicked."
He then went on to talk about how the wicked get away with stuff with apparently no repercussions.
Often this is how an abused person feels. Their abuser carries on abuse with no one stepping in to stop them. Not the church. Not God. Not anyone.
The abused who have feared God and tried to do what God wanted in the face of abuse may feel the way David felt when he said in verses 13 &14:
~"Verily I have cleansed my heart in vain, and washed my hands in innocency. For all day long have I been plagued, and chastened every morning."
David could not understand how things could work the way they did. He said in verse 16:
~"When I thought to know (understand) this, it was too painful for me:"
Yet in verses 17-20 he turned to God and things were made clear.
~"Until I went into the sanctuary of God; then understood I their end. Surely thou didst set them in slippery places: thou castedst them down into destruction. How they are brought into desolation, as in a moment! they are utterly consumed with terrors. As a dream when one awaketh; so, O Lord, when thou awaketh; thou shalt despise their image."
So, here I have scriptural verification for the experiences I explained in part 2 and part 3 of these Fear of God posts.
David, 1000s of years ago, Betsy, several decades ago, and little ol' me received revelations on the precarious position of the wicked. These were revelations we needed because the situations we witnessed appeared to be unjust. But God, in His mercy and concern for us, made known to us, not to envy the wicked. They have put themselves in a bad place, no matter how it looks.
Here's what all this has to do with bitterness. In verses 21-24 David looks back on the bitterness he felt watching the wicked prosper:
~"Thus my heart was grieved, and I was pricked in my reins. [NAS translated it this way--When my heart was embittered, And I was pierced from within], So foolish was I, and ignorant: I was as a beast before Thee. Nevertheless I am continually with Thee: Thou hast holden me by my right hand. Thou shalt guide me with Thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory."
This is such a wonderful promise to those who are bitter. God doesn't let go. Even when we are foolish and senseless like an animal in our bitterness, He still holds us by the hand and guides us by His counsel out of the place of bitterness and into the place of glory.
One of the first steps out of bitterness is to understand that the unrepentant wickedness of another will not go unpunished. They must either repent or face the music.
When we get this. When we see that God is just, it is much easier to release the wicked into God's hand and believe that vengeance really does belong to the Lord. We do not have to hold onto bitterness. We can trust the Lord to do what is right.
And hopefully we can take the next step and start praying for the wicked that they will escape judgement by repenting with tears.
It's hard to pray for our oppressors when we are bitter. Our prayers will be more pure and God-like if we can pray from the place of glory God has for us.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Example: a cult calling bitter waters sweet
I have just finished a book called "Escape" by Carolyn Jessop.
I highly recommend it as an example of the bitter doctrines of men being held up as revelation from God.
But a word of caution. If you are coming out of a very abusive situation and are easily triggered, you may want to wait and heal a bit more before you read this book.
Carolyn grew up in the FLDS (the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), a radical offshoot of the Mormon Church. This group practices polygamy, which is the practice of men taking multiple wives.
Carolyn became the fourth wife of Merril Jessop who proved to be an abusive man.
Rather than go into the entire story, I'd recommend that you read it yourself. But I want to pull something out from my reading of it that I feel pertains to this blog.
The women in the abusive home described by Carolyn dealt with a great deal of psychological abuse from their husband either towards themselves or towards their children. They were also in a nearly daily battle with the other wives for dominance over each other. Sadly, their religion did not offer them any justice or peace. Since their husband was the "priest" of their home, the wives were ordered to support and align themselves with him no matter what. A woman was never supposed to tell her husband no, for anything, no matter how abusive or inconsiderate his demand was. If a wife struggled with any anger or resentment, she was told to "keep sweet". She was also accused of not being spiritual enough or worthy of the Kingdom of God if she admitted she struggled with any kind of bitterness.
Thankfully, Carolyn did finally escape from the situation as the title of her book suggests.
And she later met a wonderful Jewish man named Brian who treated her with respect and as an equal.
He invited her to his synagogue where she learned a little about his faith.
About this she says on page 400 of her book, "It was interesting to me, but at the moment I'm not in the market for another God."
The bitter waters poured out on her by her religion and her husband has given her an aversion to thinking about finding another religion. And after reading her book, I can't say that I blame her.
Carolyn states in her book that she suffers from PTSD from time to time from the terrible damage done to her in the past by her husband and her religion. She is still in the process of healing. And I understand that it will take time before she can again think about her Creator and her relationship with Him.
My best wishes go out to her as she continues to sort out her life. She has given hope to others involved in FLDS. She has given hope to all that read her story that they too can escape from the clutches of such a bitter religion and lifestyle. My hope for her and all others struggling in the aftermath of such devastation is that they can find TRUE sweetness rather than the ugly bitterness put forth by controlling men who lie and call it sweet.
I highly recommend it as an example of the bitter doctrines of men being held up as revelation from God.
But a word of caution. If you are coming out of a very abusive situation and are easily triggered, you may want to wait and heal a bit more before you read this book.
Carolyn grew up in the FLDS (the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), a radical offshoot of the Mormon Church. This group practices polygamy, which is the practice of men taking multiple wives.
Carolyn became the fourth wife of Merril Jessop who proved to be an abusive man.
Rather than go into the entire story, I'd recommend that you read it yourself. But I want to pull something out from my reading of it that I feel pertains to this blog.
The women in the abusive home described by Carolyn dealt with a great deal of psychological abuse from their husband either towards themselves or towards their children. They were also in a nearly daily battle with the other wives for dominance over each other. Sadly, their religion did not offer them any justice or peace. Since their husband was the "priest" of their home, the wives were ordered to support and align themselves with him no matter what. A woman was never supposed to tell her husband no, for anything, no matter how abusive or inconsiderate his demand was. If a wife struggled with any anger or resentment, she was told to "keep sweet". She was also accused of not being spiritual enough or worthy of the Kingdom of God if she admitted she struggled with any kind of bitterness.
Thankfully, Carolyn did finally escape from the situation as the title of her book suggests.
And she later met a wonderful Jewish man named Brian who treated her with respect and as an equal.
He invited her to his synagogue where she learned a little about his faith.
About this she says on page 400 of her book, "It was interesting to me, but at the moment I'm not in the market for another God."
The bitter waters poured out on her by her religion and her husband has given her an aversion to thinking about finding another religion. And after reading her book, I can't say that I blame her.
Carolyn states in her book that she suffers from PTSD from time to time from the terrible damage done to her in the past by her husband and her religion. She is still in the process of healing. And I understand that it will take time before she can again think about her Creator and her relationship with Him.
My best wishes go out to her as she continues to sort out her life. She has given hope to others involved in FLDS. She has given hope to all that read her story that they too can escape from the clutches of such a bitter religion and lifestyle. My hope for her and all others struggling in the aftermath of such devastation is that they can find TRUE sweetness rather than the ugly bitterness put forth by controlling men who lie and call it sweet.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Sweet water made bitter
A very beautiful piece of scripture with wonderful symbolism has passed through the hands of too many people and made bitter.
Ephesians 5:21-33 talks about the wonderful and rich relationship that can exist between husbands and wives and compares it to the relationship between Christ and the church.
One woman I know says that when she meditates on these passages and thinks of Jesus and Him nurturing and cherishing her, she is swept off her feet in worship. But when she meditates on these scriptures and thinks of her domineering and verbally abusive husband everything inside her tenses up and she's better off not thinking of them, otherwise she becomes resentful.
This woman has had the experience of having sweet waters made bitter by the traditions of men and the abuses of her husband. What Paul wrote in Ephesians was meant to bless men and women, but unfortunately it has been used against women, sending them back home to submit to a tyrant, all in the name of obedience to God.
The church has commanded abused women to drink bitter waters and then judged these women when they have gagged on these waters and spit them back out.
The worst part of all this is that there are so many more passages of scripture offering so much comfort and peace for these women who have suffered oppression in their marriage. But all some churches offer is the bitter waters of return and submit to the oppression.
Hopefully in the next few weeks we can explore together the sweet and living waters that Jesus Christ offers to all who are afflicted and see just how much He loves and cares for, nourishes and cherishes those the church so lightly esteems.
Ephesians 5:21-33 talks about the wonderful and rich relationship that can exist between husbands and wives and compares it to the relationship between Christ and the church.
One woman I know says that when she meditates on these passages and thinks of Jesus and Him nurturing and cherishing her, she is swept off her feet in worship. But when she meditates on these scriptures and thinks of her domineering and verbally abusive husband everything inside her tenses up and she's better off not thinking of them, otherwise she becomes resentful.
This woman has had the experience of having sweet waters made bitter by the traditions of men and the abuses of her husband. What Paul wrote in Ephesians was meant to bless men and women, but unfortunately it has been used against women, sending them back home to submit to a tyrant, all in the name of obedience to God.
The church has commanded abused women to drink bitter waters and then judged these women when they have gagged on these waters and spit them back out.
The worst part of all this is that there are so many more passages of scripture offering so much comfort and peace for these women who have suffered oppression in their marriage. But all some churches offer is the bitter waters of return and submit to the oppression.
Hopefully in the next few weeks we can explore together the sweet and living waters that Jesus Christ offers to all who are afflicted and see just how much He loves and cares for, nourishes and cherishes those the church so lightly esteems.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Bitter Waters to Drink
Exodus 15:23 And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter; therefore the name of it was called Marah.
Sometimes you go places where you can't get what you need, even the most basic things that humans need for survival. Sometimes, figuratively, all you need is a drink of cool, clear, fresh water. But all you see is bitter tasting liquid that people try to pass off as water. You taste it, and you know it is not fit to drink. So what do you do? Do you drink it or do you move on. Or do you pray for a miracle, something to make the bitter waters sweet so that you don't faint from thirst.
Sometimes you go places where you can't get what you need, even the most basic things that humans need for survival. Sometimes, figuratively, all you need is a drink of cool, clear, fresh water. But all you see is bitter tasting liquid that people try to pass off as water. You taste it, and you know it is not fit to drink. So what do you do? Do you drink it or do you move on. Or do you pray for a miracle, something to make the bitter waters sweet so that you don't faint from thirst.
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