Abusers Are Going to Abuse

 Narcissist are going to love bomb to build their kingdoms then devalue and discard the people they have used when their usefulness is deemed over.

Mark Driscoll is a Narcissist, a User, and Abuser. And he's not going to stop. He's just going to make a safe place for himself so that he can continue to build his kingdom and stoke his ego.

Mark Driscoll's Safe Space: How the Embattled Pastor Built a New Church and Became an Online Influencer

I don't want to wish him ill. I just want him to stop using and hurting people. Is that asking for too much?

There are too many narcissistic pastors in places of influence and Driscoll is one of the worst.

I found out from reading the article linked above that there is a closed forum where Driscoll's victims from both Mars Hill in Seattle and Trinity in Scottsdale meet, share their stories and support one another.

From the linked article:

"Former members of both churches have formed a private online forum to share their stories and support one another. They gather and discuss regularly on a locked Facebook group called “The Sound and Valley Connect,” named after the Puget Sound area that was home to Mars Hill and the Trinity’s location in the Arizona valley."

This is Mark Driscoll's legacy. These are the multitude of sacrifices that have been made and continue to be made on the altar of Driscoll's massive ego.

I've said it before many times. And will continue to say it for as long as it takes.

This man is NOT a pastor. This man is NOT a Bible teacher. He plays at teaching the Bible with great, fleshly charisma and pizzazz. But whatever he "teaches", it must prop up HIS massive ego.

No, Driscoll doesn't teach God's Word. He uses the Bible as a sock puppet that always agrees with him.

Escaping Doug Wilson

 This is another post that is just about keeping track of links.

I've recently been made aware of Abra Miller who was a member of Doug Wilson's branch of, so called, Christianity. But she has escaped. And I want to keep track of her and link two things to go back to and look at more closely later.

This is a YouTube interview with an Atheist (though Abra maintains belief in God):

Christ Church Rampant: Where Patriarchy, Grooming, Gaslighting, and Shunning Thrive

And this is Abra's personal blog:

Glory Askew

I like knowing about those who have escaped and live to tell.

Edited to add other things showcasing how awful and unbiblical Doug Wilson is.

What's Wrong with Doug Wilson

Inside the Church That Preaches "Wives need to be led with a firm hand"

This guy just needs to go away.

Mark Driscoll & Biblical Porn

 I'm reading a book highly recommended to me by my internet friend WenatcheeTheHatchet.

It is called Biblical Porn: Affect, Labor, and Pastor Mark Driscoll's Evangelical Empire

I am about halfway through. I knew things were bad and that Driscoll was doing terrible things to people up in Seattle while he dominated his church. But I didn't know how bad.

Wenatchee has a review of the Biblical Porn book that he did back in 2018 that he says is nsfw:

Prelude and Review of Jessica Johnson's Biblical Porn

NSFW? He ain't kidding.

Why am I reading this now and why am I bringing it up now? Well, I mentioned before that Driscoll has recycled his old Peasant Princess series on the Song of Solomon and written a book called "Real Romance" that he had published last month on Valentine's Day.

So far, there are still no reviews for it on Amazon, which I find surprising. Surely someone somewhere has read the book and has an opinion. I've put a few feelers out to see if anyone has said anything. But so far nothing.

I guess the bottom line for me, the reason this bothers me, is because he's still out their throwing pig feces on the Best of Songs in the Bible, making it all about how he can coerce his wife and all Christian women into becoming strippers, porn stars, prostitutes for their husbands and saying that God agrees with him. He uses God's Word to promote a rape culture and tries to make people believe that God approves of his abusive teachings.

I might not care if I hadn't spent an entire decade before I ever heard of Mark Driscoll, meditating on the healing aspects of The Songs. Within this Best of All Songs there is healing for those of us who have been abused and coerced by narcissistic husbands.

But this Narcissist from Seattle who has moved to Phoenix has used it to abuse his wife and all Christian women within ear shot. This bully of a man who thinks he speaks for God has used it to pimp out Christian women in order to build his own kingdom on sand. Please see Kyle Howard's YouTube video on the topic.

Well, I guess I'll continue to read this book suggested by my internet friend Wenatchee. He would know a lot concerning Driscoll since he used to go to his church. He was actually able to supply the author of the book I linked above with more damning evidence against Driscoll. And he was able to watch, in person, as Driscoll committed a hostile take over of Mars Hill then swerve the poor, unsuspecting congregation into terrible error, making it a hotbed of rape culture and other abuses.

Money, Power, and Sex

I heard a famous old time preacher back in the day say that it was Gold. Glory, or Girls (or any combination) that makes Pastors, Evangelists, and other Christian leaders fall. This preacher died in 1996. If only he could see things now he would be completely heart-broken over all the corruption in the denominations and mega churches today. More on this after a bit.

My guilty pleasure the last few months is watching "Escaping Polygamy" on YouTube. And the series is exactly what is says it is. It is a reality show starring young ladies who have escaped the Kingston Clan in the Salt Lake Valley who are helping others from that Clan and the FLDS who want to escape.

In the opening credits, one of the girls says, "They think it's about religion but it's not. It's about sex." Also in the credits it is noted that the Kingston Clan, or the Order, rules by fear and intimidation. In one of the episodes I watched recently, it was noted that the Order loves money way more than its own people. Sounding a little bit like Girls, Gold, Glory?

Back in 2011, I used to compare Warren Jeffs, the prophet of the FLDS, with John Piper. Warren Jeffs was all about "Keeping Sweet". That is the way he wants his people to behave, especially his women. They are not allowed their own emotions. In comparison John Piper is concerned with how women respond to men, even in the face of abuse. Their response must be sweet and submissive.

As I work my way through the "Escaping Polygamy" series, I am again reminded of how the FLDS and the Kingston Clan have taken the Money, Power, and Sex religion to dizzying levels.

But the Catholic Church, The Southern Baptist Church, and scores of Mega Church pastors have also been worshiping at the Money, Power, Sex Altar. They are sliding down the same slippery slope that the FLDS and Kingstons are on. It is no longer about Jesus and healing the broken hearted. It's about building the kingdoms of men on the sand of greed and narcissism.

Some years back I wrote a series entitled Sex, Drugs, and Mark Driscoll [Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4], and I discussed how Driscoll's Rock Star Preacher status helped him to get away with stuff your average guy cannot. I'm adding today that Driscoll's Rock Star Preacher status helped him to get away with things the average Narcissist couldn't get away with. This is bad for both the church and the Narcissist.

So, yes, that old time pastor from back in the day, who was concerned about Gold, Glory, and Girls taking preachers down would be shocked to see that nowadays Money, Power, and Sex are all just in a days work for many of these Rock Star/Celebrity Preachers.

Now I'm going to state the obvious.

This needs to stop.

Driscoll Trying to Define Reality

 Mark has two books already out that contain the word "Real". They are "Real Marriage" and "Real Faith"

He has a third one coming out on February 14 called "Real Romance".

Apparently he believes himself to be an expert on what is real as opposed to everything else. "Real Romance" is based on The Song of Songs, something that he believes he is an authority on.

But there is a huge problem with Driscoll. He is not a Bible teacher. He does not rightly divide the Word of Truth. Rather he is a brilliant propogandist who can twist the Bible into whatever shape he wants in order to make it say whatever he wants it to say.

We have seen this before with The Songs. One of his most infamous sermons was in Edinberg, Scotland where he gave a message on the "Good Bits" of The Songs. The sermon and some commentary about it is preserved here:

Reflecting on a Controversial Sermon...

Driscoll skips all the parts about the egalitarian relationship between the lover and the beloved and instead zeroes in on a few poetic things and makes great assumptions about what they mean. And then, turns those assumptions into commands for women to perform.

This is the reality that Driscoll has been trying to create. One where women are commanded to do all the sex acts, where the husband/idol has the right to demand whatever appendage or orifice he wants, and where the wife is to never tell her husband no. He has taken coercion and the obligation sex message to new abusive and oppressive lows.

He has never repented from his sin against women as described by Kyle J Howard in this YouTube video.

And I have no confidence that he will not carry this sin over into his new book promoting what he wants sex to be for himself and everyone else.

So I'm declaring here and now that Driscoll doesn't have a clue concerning real romance. Nor does he really understand The Songs. He only knows how he wants things to be. And the way he wants it is abusive and oppressive to women.

Oh, by the way, Grace Driscoll is cited as co-author of this book. But I don't take what she has to say seriously. Because as a Narcissistic Enabler, she reflects back to Mark what he wants to see. It is a survival tactic on her end. She should have dealt with Mark's sin against her and the women of their church long ago. But she hasn't and I am not waiting for her to change anytime soon. She's pretty beaten down. [See Dear Grace Driscoll, a guest post open letter from back in the day.]

So, while I don't take Grace seriously as co-author of Mark's book about the pornified way Mark wants sex to be, I do take Grace seriously as a master performer to help keep Mark's propaganda machine going.

In fact, I want to dedicate a song to her called Dance Monkey because she dances the dance Mark demands. And she is the perfect Sex Monkey for Mark's Real Porn/Fake Romance Life.

Mark really likes Sex Monkeys and thinks that all men should have their own Sex Monkey. That is what he has preached in the past. And I don't expect this new book to be any different.

Broken Love

 The goings on over at the Bare Marriage blog has got me thinking.

This month they are talking about how to repair sex in a marriage that has been broken by the horrible teachings of the big name Evangelicals. And, as expected, they are getting push back.

And, of course, there is a commenter that is wanting to accuse Sheila of  'not displaying the fruit of the Spirit'. The thread can be found here:

Christians Need a Better Understanding of Consent

Quote from FE's comment at 11/18/22 at 2:28 pm:

"This is a site that whispers in the ears of women and feeds discontent, hatred and sows the opposite of the fruit of the spirit. You flunk your own tests for the fruit of the Spirit, for safety and for doing no harm."

I will refer back to FE's quote later.

As I continue to work through the damage done to me through a decades long marriage to a low level Narcissist, part of my spiritual healing routine is meditation on The Song of Songs.

I understand that my take on The Songs is not everyone's cup of tea. But my testimony is my own and if it can help others, then I will share a bit of it here and there where it seems right to do so.

Long story short, I started meditation on the Songs back in 1998 while only ten years into a thirty year marriage. I can't tell you how many times I've been through this book of divine poetry. Nor can I tell you how many times I have copied it, word for word, in notebooks to help with deeper meditation on it.

I started meditating on it before I ever knew what a narcissist was and it helped me to see the difference between a healthy love relationship and what I was experiencing. It also helped me understand the depth of God's love for me and that He was not in agreement with what was happening to me.

Anyway, back to present day.

I am now in the second chapter and a verse in it jumped out at me last week.

Songs 2:5 Refresh me with raisin cakes, sustain me with apples, Because I am lovesick.

In the past, this verse hasn't meant a whole lot to me. I took it at face value and accepted the first level, or surface meaning of it. Teenage angst over being infatuation with their love. And that is what I believe it means.

But as I was reading it last week, what jumped out at me was the word "lovesick". And while I am in no position to be lovesick in the teenage angsty, puppy love verse, there is still a sickness within me concerning love. Or, to better put it, my love, or ability to love has been broken. So in that sense, I am lovesick.

So as I was meditating on this brokenness within me, I also looked at the other words used in that verse, refresh and sustain. And this sent me down the path of meditation on the verses in the Bible about God restoring and healing us. There are many such verses. I will share one

Psalm 23:2 He lets me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters (3a) He restores my soul.

There were many things that broke my marriage. But one big one was his sense of entitlement to sex and the coercion that he regularly used to get it. And so much of the broken Evangelical teaching agreed with him. I didn't have Sheila whispering discontent and hatred in my ears back then as FE's comment suggests. But rather, I had The Songs as a measuring rod for the abuse that I was suffering.

I want to close this post with another verse from The Songs chapter two that flies in the face of the Evangelical obligation teaching. It is the groom speaking here:

Songs 2:7 “Swear to me, you daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, That you will not disturb or awaken my love until she pleases."

This is the right teaching concerning sex. It is when she pleases, when she is willing, and when she is in the position to enjoy it. She must feel safe and not coerced. And these words are repeated three more time throughout The Songs in chapters three, five, and eight! This was a very important part of the poetry. But the male teachers that teach on this book ignore this repeated refrain in favor of what they think are the best bits of the poem, the ones that can be used to coerce and shame women.

Sorry, FE. But you are on the wrong side of this argument. You have absorbed the poison from the false teachings of entitled male Evangelicals which is the opposite of the fruit of the Spirit.

5 Refresh me with raisi caksick.

Narcissism and Spiritual Bypassing

 One of my favorite Youtubers that discuss Narcissism is Dr. Ramani. I don't see every video she puts up, but I've shared several of them here and with friends struggling with narcistic abuse.

Well, Dr Ramani put out a video today entitled "Narcissists and Spiritual Bypassing". I have never heard this term, but apparently it was coined in the 70s by John Welwood.

Though she speaks of this in terms of the latest self-help and health crazes, I find it very applicable to many things in Christianity.

The biggest being, of course, the sweeping under the rug of women being abused in patriarchy and complementarian circles. People, both men and women, spiritually bypass the pain of women being abused, telling them that they should just pray harder or submit more, blaming the victim and holding the victim responsible for the toxic behavior of their abuser.

I like this term "Spiritual Bypassing" and I wish that I had the term back when I was trying to figure out and talk about New Calvinism and how it seemed similar to Vulcanism (yes, Spock, Star Trek Vulcanism). So watch out world, Mara Reid is going to be using this term liberally in the future when discussing those who are just too spiritual to give a crap for those suffering in the church.

The Raging Narcissist in Review

 I had stopped listening to The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcasts at Christianity Today because the series was essentially over with a vague promise of some bonus issues. It took so long for those issues to drop that I stopped going there to look for them.

For reasons I won't get into, I went back to the main podcast page and found several bonus issues available that had dropped without me knowing it. So I am slowly working through them.

The one I'm listening to as I start this post is called "Paint the Beauty We Split: A Conversation With Chad Gardner".

I probably wouldn't have even mentioned it here except for something in particular that was said in the podcast.

I had mentioned in a previous post that I had to skip parts of the intro of the series because of Mark displaying Narcissistic Rage during the song "Paint the Beauty We Split".

It turns out that others have associated the clip of that raging narcissist with the song and that this had left a hard lump in the stomach of Chad Gardner. It was difficult for him to think this song of his and his band's (Kings Kaleidoscope) had Mark's "thumb prints" all over it.

So Cosper, the podcast host, announce that they removed Mark's Narcissistic tirade out of the intro so that it would no longer be linked with the song. They took it out of every podcast that it was used in. But kept the song. And I appreciate that.

Plus, this was a pretty good podcast and you should give it a listen if you haven't yet.

It's Not About You

 Back in the day, someone loaned me a copy of "The Purpose Driven Life".

I couldn't get beyond the first few lines of the first chapter.

The book opened up with the sentence, "It's Not About You."

My response?

"No kidding, 'it's not about me'! It has never been about me. It's always about him."

Who was I talking about when I said 'him'? My ex who is on the Narcissistic spectrum. Being married to a Narcissist taught me early on that it would never ever be about me in our marriage. It could only be about him. When people asked me why I divorced him, my short answer was, there wasn't room in our marriage for two people. Only one. And that one was never me.

As God was trying to lead me into His healing work on my heart, I began to learn that, actually, yes, sometimes it is about me. It is about my healing from Narcissistic abuse. And it was about my eventual escape from that relationship.

That book, "The Purpose Driven Life" was a huge best seller. And the message in it to not be selfish, definitely has its place. It was written by a man, Rick Warren, to all Christians. I suspect that he thought  that all others needed to hear this "Don't be self-centered" message just like he needed to hear it.

But the problem with projecting this on everyone is that it doesn't apply to everyone equally.

I gave a personal example above. Now I will tie it into the most recent To Love, Honor, and Vacuum post: "On Modesty: We shouldn't sacrifice Teen Girls Well-being for Adult Men's Comfort".

I read the post when it came out on Friday and this part kept going around in my brain.

...I had rather polite interactions with men (on Twitter) who seemed like totally reasonable guys, explaining that we were supposed to be our brother’s and sister’s keeper, and men were visual and do lust, and so women and girls should dress accordingly.

When I said, “if we’re to be a sister’s keeper, and if we know this message does harm (to teenage girls), then when does she get to matter?”, the response from several was, “that’s certainly sad, and we don’t want that to happen, but it needs to be understood how men are.”

So once again–men’s comfort matters more than women’s well-being.

And it just reminded me of the first few words of Rick Warren's book. "It's not about you."

These men live in the land of, "It's all about me". Their comfort and all Christian dialogue has to be about what men need, think, and feel. Women don't count. It's never about women, including teenage girls.

The male-centric message you teach from the pulpit hurts women and children? Sorry, that's just the way it has to be. It's all about men. Women and children need to understand how men are. Men don't need to understand how women and children are because it is all about men

Here is where Rick Warren's words should be applied. Men need to stop making it all about them. Because in God's economy, it isn't just about men.