The "Keep Sweet" Conspiracy

Before I get into this fully, I want to assure you all that I know there are many good men who do not fall into this conspiracy. There are several who comment at Suzanne's Bookshelf, the Equality Central Forum, and The Commandments of Men that refuse to tell women what they are supposed to feel and how they are supposed to react in the face of sin, abuse, and danger. These men allow women to be human and to be who God created them to be and refuse to pressure women into a "Keep Sweet" mold.


"Keep Sweet" was a favorite saying of Rulon Jeffs, former prophet of the FLDS sect. Rulon's son, Warren, in now in prison for various crimes, is the present prophet of the FLDS.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/deborah-king/keeping-sweet-in-san-ange_b_102774.html

Well, cults do what cults do. And it's not that I'm unconcerned for them, I am. But I'm also deeply concerned with the "keep sweet" doctrine entering into mainstream Christianity. I'm concerned with men, like Piper, who seem completely unaware of how their teachings are lining up more with the FLDS and other patriarchal groups than with Christianity. I'm concerned with them teaching a doctrine that brings bondage and plastic molding to women. I am concerned with the fact that these men are being deceived and believe they bring freedom. They don't. They are blind guides leading the blind.


My friend Waneta has come and left a comment under my last post and she said something I wish these men would realize. She said:


"their insistence that women be sweet, ends up making them despise women for their weakness. So no matter what they do, women do it wrong. If they are sweet, they are despised for weakness and taken advantage of. If they stand up for themselves, they are labeled with various 'sin' descriptions."

These men, quite frankly, created a no win situation for women. And then they call this lose/lose situation, the 'good news'.

It is not good news. It is not the gospel. It is bad news. And it would behoove them to quit embracing their sacred cows.

But they refuse to re-examine their positions because they are quite convinced they are right. They are self-righteous rather where they should be humble and teachable. But then, their doctrine teaches them that they are not to be taught by women, so they cannot hear the cries of the wounded abused. All they can offer is what Rulon and Warren Jeffs offered. A "keep sweet" conspiracy.

Men Defining Sweet for Women

This blog is called from Bitter Waters to Sweet because one of its purposes is to deal with the bitter issues facing women and how they can move from a place of bitterness to a place of sweetness in the Lord.

There are many obstacles in the way, but I want to focus on one in particular.
One of the major obstacles is when women let certain men define what sweetness is for women.

We touched on it in the past in my dealing with the Song of Solomon and one man's determination to make a verse from a woman's point of view all about something that many men like, in particular what he thought would be sweet for a woman to do for him. Since it is pretty much R rated, we won't cover it again.

But now I've found another place where a man has decided to define 'sweet' for women. I mentioned this man in the previous post. His name is John Piper and there is a link to a video of him talking about what a woman's submission to an abusive man would look like.
Around the two minute mark of this video he begins to model a very sweet speech that he expects a woman to follow if her husband is pressuring her into gross sin. It goes like this.

Honey, I want so much to follow you as my leader. God calls me to do that and I would love to do that. It would be sweet to me if I could enjoy your leadership. But if you ask me to do this, require this of me, then I can't. I can't go there.

Rather than allowing a woman a natural, angry response to a man pushing her into gross sin, she has to detour and talk about wanting him as her leader, enjoying his leadership and even saying that it would be sweet for her to enjoy his leadership.

John Piper does not allow women to be human and react against men who are hurting them. They can't be honest and say, "You are hurting me. You are sinning against me and God. You are hurting yourself. You are being selfish and self-centered. Stop it! Stop it now! Get out of my house and out of my face until you repent from your wicked ways..." or any other of a number of normal, healthy, angry, human responses to blatant wickedness.

No, he doesn't allow a woman to do that. If she does that, she is going against God's plan of joyful submission. Instead, she is to tell him how sweet it would be if she could enjoy his leadership.

Is it sweet for women to enjoy the leadership of men?
Piper doesn't know. He's never lived it. He can't attest to it.
All he knows is how sweet it is for men to have submissive little wives who are trained on how NOT to be honest and open about their own pain and how NOT to confront blatant sin in a man who is abusing them.

I'm sure this is a very sweet deal for men.
But they should not make the mistake thinking that if something is sweet for them, this automatically makes it sweet for women. It doesn't work that way. No matter how much Piper wants it to work that way, it simply doesn't.

Let me tell you one thing that, as a woman, I have found to be sweet. It is sweet for women to have the freedom to be human and have healthy human responses to gross sin and abuse. What is sweet to women is having the freedom to be honest about their pain and how bitter things really are. Then once a woman has the chance to deal with her bitterness and with what is causing the bitterness rather than have to lie about it, bury it, and worst of all, call it sweet, she can sweep away male definitions of sweetness and male expectations and turn to God Who offers true sweetness.

Sorry Piper. You have no authority to define sweet for me or any other woman.
But my God is intimately acquainted with me. And as Jesus, He has experienced the oppression of men and has even died at their hands. He has known my bitterness and more. And He knows what true sweetness is and how to make my bitter waters sweet.
He has the authority in this, Piper. Not you.

Loving Respect or Kowtowing

My regulars are already aware of the thread over at Suzanne's Bookshelf and have commented on it. That thread has shot up to over a hundred comments.
But those who visit here less frequently, I wanted to make you aware of it.

http://powerscourt.blogspot.com/2011/02/response-to-complementarian.html

I have been aware of Suzanne for several years, even longer than Charis/Gem who is also in my blog roll. She's a studier of Greek and Hebrew and cares about honesty in translations.

Somewhere in the middle of the comments I bring up this clip from Piper who is not Patriarchal or Quiverfull, as far as I can tell. But he still teaches version of wifely submission that many of us find distrubing. Yet even with the video evidence plainly displayed, people who are otherwise reasonable get funny and defensive when really they should just say, "Piper is wrong here."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OkUPc2NLrM&feature=player_embedded

One commentor is convinced that Piper models a good way for a wife to lovingly respect and submit to her husband when her husband pressures her into gross sin. He calls it a confrontation. But in my book it falls terribly short of confrontation.

Edited to add: Thanks to Hannah from over at Emotional Abuse and Your Faith for the link to video of Piper. She's another old friend on my blog roll.

Cheese Balls and Stuck Cars

My daughter's car is still stuck in the snow. Even with help from her brother and a guy friend.

My son managed to get his car out, without help.

They used sand under my daughter's tires to try to get some traction.

My son used a frozen lump of sand that my daughter and her friend rejected. He also threw some stale cheese balls left over from Christmas under the wheels. He got his car out.

Now the joke around our house is that cheese balls are good for getting cars unstuck from deep snow.

So around here, cheese balls are the Windex of getting cars out of the snow.
You know, Windex, like in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding".
Well, if you haven't seen that movie, here's the opening scene for your enjoyment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKWpc-pidCo&feature=related

(The part about Windex shows up around marker point 4:45)

Getting Snowed In

Anybody else getting snowed in?

Work and school got out early yesterday. No work or school today for me and the kids. I said a little prayer for my husband because he went on into work anyway.

I had mixed emotions about him going.
He was grumpy, so I really didn't want him around. On the other hand, I sure didn't want him to end up in a ditch or worse.
Thus the prayer. But my prayers are far more honest than they used to be.
I used to buy into the, 'never tear your husband down' crap to the point that I couldn't even be honest with God when my husband acted like a jerk.
Now I'm very honest. I told God, after my husband left for work that, yeah he was being a grumpy gus and I didn't want to be snowed in the same house as him. But even so, I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I prayed that angels would guide his pick-up and keep him safe on the road.

Honesty is so much better than walking on eggshells, thinking that if you say anything the least bit negative, then you expose yourself to all sorts of judgement or your 'covering' is hindered/removed or you bring curses on yourself or whatever other 'religious' things men threaten women with in order to protect their fragile egos.

My husband is much better prayed for than he used to be because I can be blunt, straight forward, and painfully honest, if I have to.

Afterglow

I know Christmas is over.
But I leave Christmas decorations up until at least after the first of the year and dwell in the afterglow of Christmas for a bit after the 25th.

The Hallelujah chorus from Handel's Messiah gets a lot of airplay this time of year. But I love his piece, "For Unto Us a Child Is Give" just as much as the famous chorus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TN5BaOGTmGs

Enjoy.

Merry Christmas

Here is a Christmas light show to my daughter's favorite Christmas song.
Nothing spiritual about it. Just plain fun and amazement and wondering if some people have just a little too much spare time on their hands. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0IwpRzWL_4&feature=related

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Wounded Healer in Early Myth

We're not finished with the Strength and Safety series, at least I hope not. But I wanted to take a break from it and direct your attention to a post by my friend Eleanor concerning the Wounded Healer in myth and earliest records.

http://musings-ems.blogspot.com/2010/12/chiron-wounded-healer.html

Since I'm a baby in understanding the fullness of the Wounded Healer, I appreciate gleaning understanding from Eleanor's studies.

Strength and Safety, Part 3

My son and I watch a movie called Invictus.
Now, understand, this is not our usual fair. We generally like Science fiction, Action/Adventure, and even Post Apocalyptic films.
But we had just watched another film directed by Clint Eastwood and loved it. That, along with the fact that my son loves Morgan Freeman and Matt Damon, influenced our decision to watch Invictus. It was not because we were interested in social justice and had never heard of sacred activism. We strictly watched it for entertainment reasons.
And we were not disappointed.
The film was well done and beautiful to watch.
But I sure did learn something.

Invictus, in case you didn't know, is about one aspect of the challenge Nelson Mandela faced when he became president of South Africa. He worked to balance "black aspirations with white fears."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invictus_(film)

The beauty of this film is it's portrayal of President Mandela's grace toward 'white fears'. From his place of strength and safety, he discouraged the 'scraping' of South Africa's Rugby team, which represented prejudice and Apartheid in the minds of blacks. He said something along the lines that doing so would prove to the whites that they had much to fear.
He invited the Rugby team captain over for "tea" which he described as one of the best things the English ever brought with them to South Africa. Then President Mandela shared a poem during that tea called "Invictus" which he used to think about when he was in prison. The word invictus translates as 'undefeated' or 'unconquered'.
It was a poem of victory in great odds. It was a poem of strength.
And from his place of safety, as president of South Africa, He shared this poem of strength, sharing his strength and support to those in the weakened position. The whites of South Africa and more specifically, the Rugby team.

I recommend the film to get the full impact of its message.
But I had to mention it here as another example of the power of grace and forgiveness when given from a place of strength and safety, once justice and equality has been reached.

Strength and Safety, Part 2

God has called us to a place of Strength and Safety. Even though there is much abuse in this world that undermines this, God's will is to set us securely on high. He says so several places in His Word.
David speaks specifically about God bringing him out of destruction and into a place of Strength and Safety.

Psalm 40:1 I waited patiently for the Lord; And He inclined to me, and heard my cry.
vs 2 He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay (mud of mire); And He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm.
3 And He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; Many will see and fear, And will trust in the Lord.

It is out of the place of Strength and Safety that we are to function and operate. And it is in the place of Strength and Safety that we are best able to heal. It is very difficult for an individual to heal if they are still being wounded. It is also very difficult for a person to heal if they are not allowed to deal with the wounds. If they are not in a safe place where they can be honest about hurt and must always keep them under the cover of a 'holy' or 'perfect' facade then they cannot heal.
And if they feel that God requires them to keep their wounds buried, there is not hope for their healing at all.
Any teaching that refuses to deal with the wounding of the heart is a destructive teaching and opposed to the will of God.
God wants our hearts, all of our hearts, including aches, pains, and traumas. And He can be trusted with it even if no one else can.

Here is another verse that deals with God's heart concerning the broken, wounded, and captive. It is from Isaiah 61 and is what Jesus read in the temple at the start of His ministry declaring His heart for all people, male and female, for all time.

Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to captives, And freedom to prisoners;
Vs 2 To proclaim the favorable year of the Lord, And the day of vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn,
Vs 3 To grant those who mourn in Zion, Giving them a garland instead of ashes, The oil of gladness instead of mourning, The mantle of praise instead of the spirit of fainting. So they will be called oaks of righteousness, plantings of the Lord, that He may be glorified.

God wants to bring us to the place of Strength and Safety, like mighty oaks, planted and secure, that will not be moved. The following also speaks of what God wants for those who belong to Him.

Psalm 1:3 And he will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season, And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.

There are forces at work to keep this from happening both within and outside the church. And much of those forces are so 'in your face' it is easy to lose sight of God's heart on the matter.

There are more verse concerning this, and some specifically dealing with God's heart towards the feminine. But this has gotten long and we're not done dealing with examples like the elderly black woman in the last post who was able to act graciously from her place of strength. We will not be able to get to those in this post due to length. It will have to wait until the next one.

Strength and Safety

My new friend Eleanor found my blog because of her studies of the Wounded Healer motif. She has come and commented here and was surprised by the reaction of one of my regulars, an old friend, Jane.
Since I value the wisdom of both women, the natural thing for me to do is to reevaluate my own position and make sense of what each is saying. Because both make sense even though they appear to contradict at face value.

Eleanor has written a review on Amazon for a book she likes by Andrew Harvey. You can read it here:
http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Guide-Sacred-Activism/product-reviews/1401920039/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_summary?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

When you click onto the main page of this book the first review there is by a Brad Laughlin. The third paragraph into the review tells a story of a elderly black woman from South Africa. During Apartheid she witnessed the brutal murder of her husband and son by a white police officer. When this officer was being brought to justice, She hugged him as she was being led across the courtroom. The man fainted.

This is used as an example of sacred activism. It is a touching and powerful story, but I am compelled to point out something about it.

The reason this woman's act of forgiveness is so powerful and profound is because it took place when she was in the position of Strength and Safety. In that courtroom there was no chance that the former police officer could hurt her without serious repercussions. The man was caught, imprisoned, and being brought to justice. He could no longer control her, oppress her, or intimidate her in anyway. Granted, she suffered great loss, trauma, and grief. But this man could, in no way, continue his evil against her.

He was in the weak position. And she was in the strong position.
Yet she didn't use her strong position against him.

It is a very different circumstance from a situation where a victim is still being victimized and she kisses the feet of her oppressor because that is the only way to survive.
There is no power in that. None. Just more oppression and destroying of her spirit, soul, and body.

Now I understand that people like author Andrew Harvey and reviewer Brad Laughlin assume that these powerful actions of forgiveness come from a place of strength and safety. But to those still in the place of oppression and abuse, their words sound like further abuse. To those who have never had a position of strength and safety all it sounds like is letting the oppressor free to continue to oppress at will.

So how do those still in positions of oppression and abuse get out? Some are able to flee on their own to places of safety. But many of those that are able to flee don't know that they are able because of the mind control and indoctrination. And many who are trapped have no way of escape on their own at all. Those being trafficked come to mind. And my friend Jane has a heart for those.

So what do we expect of those still trapped?
Do we expect them to embrace their abusers who are still abusing them?
Absolutely not. That is just plain sick and smells like Stockholm Syndrome.
If people are trapped, how can we expect them to do anything except to survive until they are rescued?

But the real question is, what obligation do we have to the trapped, oppressed, and abused?

We are obligated to sound the alarm and to speak up for those who have no voice. We are to look for ways to rescue the downtrodden and find ways to stop the oppressor from oppressing and bring him to justice. Because only when he is brought to justice and to a place of weakness where he is no longer in control, only then will the forgiveness of those he oppressed have a chance to mean anything.

Remember the priest who was beaten by the man molested by him as a boy. That priest was never brought to justice. So there was never a real chance for him to face his sin and be forgiven. The Catholic Church protected him. And in so doing, robbed him of his chance for any redemption of any value.

Tina Anderson Foundation

Thanks for the heads up from Lewis for this one.

I link it for two reasons.
One, for awareness of this going on. There are church groups actively teaching their daughters learned helplessness and false guilt and shame all under the guise of "Christianity". They are also covering for sex offenders in their churches.

The second reason is to raise awareness that there ARE groups out there wanting to combat this deep evil among fundamentalist groups.

http://www.tinaandersonfoundation.org/

Knowing the evil exists is heart rending.
Knowing individual and groups are rising up to combat the evil gives cause for some hope in the face of so much evil.

Thanks Lewis.