Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Promise Keepers Hurt My Marriage

When my husband had the opportunity to go to Promise Keepers over fifteen years ago, I sent him with my blessing not knowing what they were filling his head with.

I am a woman that likes men. I like fellowshipping with them. I want them to be encouraged and strengthened and to grow in confidence in who they are. And that is what I thought Promise Keepers was. I was wrong.

My husband and I got along fairly well before Promise Keepers. But after he came back, issues we never had before began to crop up. When we got into disagreements, all of the sudden he started playing the "You aren't being submissive" card. For a long time I had no clue of the connection between his trip to Promise Keepers and this new tactic in arguments.
Now, many years later, I'm seeing that connection. I'm sorry I ever sent him to Promise Keepers. Instead of being a place of blessing they pretended to be, it was a den of thieves. They stole the heart of my loving man and turned him into a "I'm the one that wears the pants in this family" kind of guy.

So what did they teach my man back in the 90s that set him backwards in his walk with the Lord? Lots of bad things.

Here's what Tony Evens told him:
“The first thing you do is sit down with your wife and say something like this: `Honey, I've made a terrible mistake. I've given you my role. I gave up leading this family, and I forced you to take my place. Now I must reclaim this role.' Don't misunderstand what I'm saying here. I'm not suggesting that you ask for your role back. I'm urging you to take it back.” He went on to say, “If you simply ask for it back, your wife is likely to refuse...Unfortunately, there can be no compromise here.” 

I wouldn't be surprised if the great comp leaders of today all went to Promise Keepers meetings. Leaders like Driscoll, Piper, Wilson, Baucham, Grudem Challis, etc.
I'm sure they went to those meetings or read those books. Because they are saying the same things and hurting countless other marriages.

Thanks for nothing, Promise Keepers.

For more on what was wrong with Promise Keepers, search the web or follow these links:


Anonymous said...

I was just out of college when Promise Keepers became popular. There was a huge rally in my area in 1995 and a pastor suggested to my best friend and me that we volunteer to work at it because we might meet "godly single men" there and set ourselves up for "perfect submissive marriages".

We were astute enough to spend our free time otherwise. And all these years later, we both have great egalitarian marriages.

Incongruous Circumspection said...

I always wonder why people gravitate toward fixing something that isn't broken, like flies to a flame. It's so weird. But it probably has a lot to do with how the message is delivered. Throw in a lot of "this is God's way" and a bunch of success stories, spool up a bunch of pictures of smiling families, and voila!

Fortunately, the data is growing on the ramifications of patriarchal baloney sausage. For the hard core, we can't change many of them, but we can be assured that we'll save many others from willingly swallowing the BS.

believer333 said...

This is good. But more needs to be said. Now we still have Promise Keepers. And we have Men's Fraternity which teaches that men need to separate from the influence of women in order to be 'manly'. And also teaches that men are the leaders in everything and depending upon who is leading the meetings that teaching can get very invasive in the lives of women.

Mara Reid said...

All good comments.

I feel like Promise Keepers was sowing to the wind and now we are reaping the whirlwind with Piper, Driscol et al.

Gem said...

QUOTE: They stole the heart of my loving man and turned him into a "I'm the one that wears the pants in this family" kind of guy. -Mara

Mara, you have got to listen to this song for a good laugh (and egalitarian message) http://youtu.be/Vl_d3vXq7wU

Mara Reid said...

Yep, that's a good one, Gem.