Bumping an Old, Lost Post Up

 Actually, I'm not going to bump it up. I'm just going to link to it somewhere below.

I wrote this post back towards the end of 2010 because I was caught between two women with very strong opinions that seemed to contradict.

Since I valued the temporary internet friendship of both women at the time, I felt the deep need to reconcile the two opinions and make a bridge between them. They both commented and seemed to appreciate the clarification my post brought.

It is concerning whether forgiving an oppressor is a biblical response or a fawning response (Of the Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn Trauma Response).

I came to the conclusion that actual, biblical forgiveness best comes from a place of Strength and Safety, hence the title of the post:

Strength and Safety.

Who Is It About, Then?

 If it's not all about men and male church leaders and what they think, feel, want and how they want to teach and direct the church, then who is it about?

Well, I'm pretty sure that if we look at the words of Jesus, we can get an inkling. There are tons of amazing examples. But  I'll pull out this one because it gets straight to the heart of the matter.

Luke 10:30 Jesus replied and said, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among robbers, and they stripped him and beat him, and went away leaving him half dead. 31 And by chance a priest was going down on that road, and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. 32 Likewise a Levite also, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, who was on a journey, came upon him; and when he saw him, he felt compassion, 34 and came to him and bandaged up his wounds, pouring oil and wine on them; and he put him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 On the next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper and said, ‘Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I return I will repay you.’ 36 Which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell into the robbers’ hands?” 37 And he said, “The one who showed mercy toward him.” Then Jesus said to him, “Go and do the same.”

This story is not about religious leaders, except to expose their failures to represent God. As many church leaders today fail to take care of the vulnerable, broken, and wounded, so have these religious leaders failed to show God's heart toward the beaten and half-dead man on the road to Jericho.

Rather, this story is about a man who takes care of the broken, beaten, wounded and vulnerable. This is the story of what is important to God. Because it is all about the broken, wounded, and vulnerable and those who take care of them.

These are the kinds of things Jesus taught us. This is what is important. Years of men wringing their hands over what women and teen girls wear is a gross departure from what is important to God. It is a distraction away from what is near and dear to Him.

It's all about healing the broken hearted and binding up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). This is what God loves to do. And God loves those who join Him in this ministry.

Another Good One from Wade

He introduces us to Mary who works with people to overcome sexual abuse.

Stop Cursing the Darkness and Start Turning on Lights

(There is a link to contact Mary and get information on a sex abuse suvivor workshop in the Texarkana area in September. I'm sure those wishing to host such a thing in their area could contact Mary and get info.)

Justice a Long Time Coming

Back in 2010 I wrote a post concerning the wounded healer. Those who have been with me since then will remember it. It was my number one post with the most hits for some time until Charis's "Dear Grace Driscoll" passed it up. It stirred up a bit of a debate and uncovered some misunderstanding concerning the concept of the wounded healer.
Here is a link to it for those who care to review it or read it for the first time:
The Wounded Healer

I briefly mentioned towards the end of that post, mostly in passing, a news piece concerning a man who visited a retired priest in a nursing home. This priest had sexually abused the man when he was a boy. The man went to confront the priest and when the priest refused to admit wrongdoing, the man hit him.
The case came to trial and the man was acquitted.
Alleged rape victim acquitted in priest assault

I believe that this course of events speaks loud and clear. Those who abuse with impunity in the church will not always get away with it. Sometimes justice does come. It may take a long time. It may wait until you are old, decrepit, and helpless in a nursing home. But sometimes justice does come with a vengeance and bites you when you least expect it.

Abusers beware. It's not as safe for you as you think it is.

Strength and Safety

My new friend Eleanor found my blog because of her studies of the Wounded Healer motif. She has come and commented here and was surprised by the reaction of one of my regulars, an old friend, Jane.
Since I value the wisdom of both women, the natural thing for me to do is to reevaluate my own position and make sense of what each is saying. Because both make sense even though they appear to contradict at face value.

Eleanor has written a review on Amazon for a book she likes by Andrew Harvey. You can read it here:
http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Guide-Sacred-Activism/product-reviews/1401920039/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_summary?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1&sortBy=bySubmissionDateDescending

When you click onto the main page of this book the first review there is by a Brad Laughlin. The third paragraph into the review tells a story of a elderly black woman from South Africa. During Apartheid she witnessed the brutal murder of her husband and son by a white police officer. When this officer was being brought to justice, She hugged him as she was being led across the courtroom. The man fainted.

This is used as an example of sacred activism. It is a touching and powerful story, but I am compelled to point out something about it.

The reason this woman's act of forgiveness is so powerful and profound is because it took place when she was in the position of Strength and Safety. In that courtroom there was no chance that the former police officer could hurt her without serious repercussions. The man was caught, imprisoned, and being brought to justice. He could no longer control her, oppress her, or intimidate her in anyway. Granted, she suffered great loss, trauma, and grief. But this man could, in no way, continue his evil against her.

He was in the weak position. And she was in the strong position.
Yet she didn't use her strong position against him.

It is a very different circumstance from a situation where a victim is still being victimized and she kisses the feet of her oppressor because that is the only way to survive.
There is no power in that. None. Just more oppression and destroying of her spirit, soul, and body.

Now I understand that people like author Andrew Harvey and reviewer Brad Laughlin assume that these powerful actions of forgiveness come from a place of strength and safety. But to those still in the place of oppression and abuse, their words sound like further abuse. To those who have never had a position of strength and safety all it sounds like is letting the oppressor free to continue to oppress at will.

So how do those still in positions of oppression and abuse get out? Some are able to flee on their own to places of safety. But many of those that are able to flee don't know that they are able because of the mind control and indoctrination. And many who are trapped have no way of escape on their own at all. Those being trafficked come to mind. And my friend Jane has a heart for those.

So what do we expect of those still trapped?
Do we expect them to embrace their abusers who are still abusing them?
Absolutely not. That is just plain sick and smells like Stockholm Syndrome.
If people are trapped, how can we expect them to do anything except to survive until they are rescued?

But the real question is, what obligation do we have to the trapped, oppressed, and abused?

We are obligated to sound the alarm and to speak up for those who have no voice. We are to look for ways to rescue the downtrodden and find ways to stop the oppressor from oppressing and bring him to justice. Because only when he is brought to justice and to a place of weakness where he is no longer in control, only then will the forgiveness of those he oppressed have a chance to mean anything.

Remember the priest who was beaten by the man molested by him as a boy. That priest was never brought to justice. So there was never a real chance for him to face his sin and be forgiven. The Catholic Church protected him. And in so doing, robbed him of his chance for any redemption of any value.

The Wounded Healer

I wanted to get to this post a long time ago. But before I did, I felt the need to lay some groundwork in my previous three posts.
Matthew 18:7 Woe to the world because of its stumbling blocks; for it is inevitable that stumbling blocks come; but woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes.

I wanted to get to the point, "Stumbling blocks come." But I wanted to make sure that I made it clear that this does not give any of us an excuse to overlook our duties as parents because "woe to that man through whom the stumbling block comes."

I do not take this admonition lightly. I keep in tune with my children and try to make sure that if I inadvertently offend them through either action or lack of action that we can deal with it.

Still. This world is not perfect. Stumbling blocks come. Even well-meaning parents with the best intentions can inadvertently wound their children through misunderstanding or because someone else has misguided them in the ways of truth.

And so the child is wounded.
Bless the child who turns to God, to Jesus the Healer of souls.
And bless the child who travels the road of healing holding the hand of her Savior.

Let us return to Herbert Gravitz book that I mentioned in the November 14th post, "The Hero's Journey."

Gravitz on page107:

"The motif of the 'wounded healer' is universal and appears in every culture. Recovering alcoholics and other addicts serve as wounded healers, calling others to a life of serenity. Those who face illness, catastrophe, and even death often report that the experience gave them renewed meaning and purpose."

When the wounded child grows up and receives healing from the Lord, she is able to turn and heal others. Because of her wounding and the healing that follows she can become a healer, a wounded healer.
I believe in children facing their heartaches head on and dealing with it rather than burying it. Burying it only causes the wound to fester and become putrid.

Woe to those who stand in the way of healing and woe to those who want to shame the child into keeping quiet and not facing her dragons. They don't know what they are doing. They don't understand how they heap insult on top of injury and the danger of sealing the lid shut on a pressure cooker that is ready to blow.

Here is a tragic example of an offended little one all grown up who never found the road to healing.

http://www.aolnews.com/crime/article/calif-man-accused-of-beating-priest-he-says-molested-him/19697295

Word of advice to Patriarchy and Quiverfull.
Let the children heal. Don't stand in their way.
And further yet, start to face up to the fact that Patriarchy may, in fact, be wounding and offending your little ones.

And dare I suggest?
Those still involved in Patriarchy and Quiverfull, consider leaving this hurtful movement and become agents of healing, that is, part of the solution rather than part of the problem.