The goings on over at the Bare Marriage blog has got me thinking.
This month they are talking about how to repair sex in a marriage that has been broken by the horrible teachings of the big name Evangelicals. And, as expected, they are getting push back.
And, of course, there is a commenter that is wanting to accuse Sheila of 'not displaying the fruit of the Spirit'. The thread can be found here:
Christians Need a Better Understanding of Consent
Quote from FE's comment at 11/18/22 at 2:28 pm:
"This is a site that whispers in the ears of women and feeds discontent, hatred and sows the opposite of the fruit of the spirit. You flunk your own tests for the fruit of the Spirit, for safety and for doing no harm."
I will refer back to FE's quote later.
As I continue to work through the damage done to me through a decades long marriage to a low level Narcissist, part of my spiritual healing routine is meditation on The Song of Songs.
I understand that my take on The Songs is not everyone's cup of tea. But my testimony is my own and if it can help others, then I will share a bit of it here and there where it seems right to do so.
Long story short, I started meditation on the Songs back in 1998 while only ten years into a thirty year marriage. I can't tell you how many times I've been through this book of divine poetry. Nor can I tell you how many times I have copied it, word for word, in notebooks to help with deeper meditation on it.
I started meditating on it before I ever knew what a narcissist was and it helped me to see the difference between a healthy love relationship and what I was experiencing. It also helped me understand the depth of God's love for me and that He was not in agreement with what was happening to me.
Anyway, back to present day.
I am now in the second chapter and a verse in it jumped out at me last week.
Songs 2:5 Refresh me with raisin cakes, sustain me with apples, Because I am lovesick.
In the past, this verse hasn't meant a whole lot to me. I took it at face value and accepted the first level, or surface meaning of it. Teenage angst over being infatuation with their love. And that is what I believe it means.
But as I was reading it last week, what jumped out at me was the word "lovesick". And while I am in no position to be lovesick in the teenage angsty, puppy love verse, there is still a sickness within me concerning love. Or, to better put it, my love, or ability to love has been broken. So in that sense, I am lovesick.
So as I was meditating on this brokenness within me, I also looked at the other words used in that verse, refresh and sustain. And this sent me down the path of meditation on the verses in the Bible about God restoring and healing us. There are many such verses. I will share one
Psalm 23:2 He lets me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters (3a) He restores my soul.
There were many things that broke my marriage. But one big one was his sense of entitlement to sex and the coercion that he regularly used to get it. And so much of the broken Evangelical teaching agreed with him. I didn't have Sheila whispering discontent and hatred in my ears back then as FE's comment suggests. But rather, I had The Songs as a measuring rod for the abuse that I was suffering.
I want to close this post with another verse from The Songs chapter two that flies in the face of the Evangelical obligation teaching. It is the groom speaking here:
Songs 2:7 “Swear to me, you daughters of Jerusalem, By the gazelles or by the does of the field, That you will not disturb or awaken my love until she pleases."
This is the right teaching concerning sex. It is when she pleases, when she is willing, and when she is in the position to enjoy it. She must feel safe and not coerced. And these words are repeated three more time throughout The Songs in chapters three, five, and eight! This was a very important part of the poetry. But the male teachers that teach on this book ignore this repeated refrain in favor of what they think are the best bits of the poem, the ones that can be used to coerce and shame women.
Sorry, FE. But you are on the wrong side of this argument. You have absorbed the poison from the false teachings of entitled male Evangelicals which is the opposite of the fruit of the Spirit.
5 Refresh me with raisi caksick.